Two Guys, a Girl and her Dilemma

A girl having met a guy, who stays in Middle East (X), starts a strange liking to the other guy (Y).
She comes after a gap of one month, with slight poking here and there but no serious conversations or warm greetings, its more out of surprise about how can someone like to converse irrespective of her being recluse.
Interesting, she wonders "I have never come across such a guy (Y), why is he so far from me?"
Blame it on fate or the test of time for this young woman who is discovering the difference between liking someone as a friend and loving someone special.
“I started my conversations with him out of curiosity after seeing his (Y) photograph, he looked good and I just asked him for a friend request. Well after couple of days, he did respond much to my surprise and it’s been three months, he has been surprising me with every conversation I am having with him. I know it was little late meeting him, but I am really not sure how to go about this. Should he just be my friend or someone else? I haven’t seen him, so can I take a risk with this."
She thought more "Like every girl, even I want my guy to be special, the problem here is, Am I too naïve to understand the meaning of ‘special’?
Are there any different feelings associated with the term ‘special’?
For the first time, it is happening and I really do not know whether this is a natural evolution as a woman or is this me liking someone unconditionally.”

Far across, all this guy (Y) does is, wonder what’s happening in his life. One thing is clear, it’s never been a smooth ride, and I guess he has accepted this side of life. Life is full of challenges and with it, he does know, Life and in turn every one will have problems, its just that how well individuals hide. He is excited about her, and he has been trying to make conversations with her. Luck has it; they are just unable to have conversations.
“I am being honest about where I stand even though I am unsure about the balance. I do like someone else before he came into my life. I did put it across to him (Y)regarding this. But he didn’t express his disappointment instead he was happy for me. Now, is it my madness to test people? I am confused. Should I rely on him just to be a friend? I am confident he will be a wonderful friend; will he be a wonderful lover? Lover, dream man, etc?
I am unsure with my own life and future. As a 20 year old, I do not know whom to trust. I keep hearing people being cruel and selfish for their own good. So should I take a chance, go to Middle east for a guy (X) whom I haven’t met yet.
So far, I was in the impression that he was my dream guy (X), until I bumped into this other person (Y). It was an accident, now I like him as well.
I want to do my business studies, so I work part time at a day care, earn some money to fund my studies and go to Dubai.
Well this was my dream… I was excited about it. Now I don’t know.
It’s been three weeks since I contacted him (Y); he is kind, sweet, keeps sending mails. Is he my special person?
I am confused again with two people in my life. I have never met, but just met through instincts of mine. All I can do is recognize their faces through few photos.
I don’t see them flirting with me, coz, its reached another level.
Oh man, I like him (Y) for the fact that he cares for me so much and remembers me.
Although, I do converse with my special one on a regular basis, but this guy I have hardly spoken and still he makes me feel so special. So I sent him an offliner.
“Hey… My dear friend… I want to talk to you badly….”
Everyday he would have slept, but due to unavoidable circumstances he got up early.
Early meant, time to chat with this girl.
He logged on anticipating her to be online after a long time.
His intuition was correct but all he managed was to read the offline messages.
The guy was 3 hours late reading the above message….

And then, things took a big turn in the guy's life that looked as though this girl was more of a distant dream he once considered chasing for.... Life goes on and he has managed to move on without ever wondering, what if???

P.S: This is complete from a draft of March 2008..... Thought will just share

Lazy Boy.... Are you out of focus???

You read about legendary stories, their focus, concentration, dedication and other words that fits here; I was wondering how would they feel when they do not feel like doing anything. Its easy to speak in hindsight and we can always make a good sense of it 'As time goes by', in real, how, is it to feel when one loses focus and just cannot concentrate?

Self doubts creep in at times when you start thinking about the future. We have to prepare for the future but at the same time like everyone have told in their own ways, we must learn to live in the present. Quite opposite when future seems so promising, motivation oozing through the veins with each day that passes by.

Perception is a thing and also how one adapts to that perception matters. I can say but I have to mean it and only when I walk through the channel that parallels my talks, it has some credibility. This aspect is what separates from achievers and wanna be achiever.

An achiever was a wanna be achiever some time back, so one must seek comfort in that, but the comfort zone really ends there, as one has to push certain limits imposed by us previously in order to give birth to the achiever in us.

When chips are down, we tend to lose faith in few things we believed in. Common sense often is the culprit, it makes us believe the dark side of our faith and with time it convinces, unless we fight it out..... The conflict inside us before its too late.

I am going through a phase where laziness is pre-dominant, lack of focus and uncertainity.... I hate this period.... but I have accepted this to be the present behaviour of mine. I want to change and it feels as though I have lost faith. Losing faith doesnt mean I am a pessimist, its the way I come out of this that matters. 'Without self-doubts' one has never succeeded. Its the way one clears the doubts and regain the focus that has made all the difference. One thing is getting clear.... what you focus the most, turns into reality... Until this week, I was out of focus as to where I want to be.....

This week, its a better picture so to say when compared to last week or the previous. I have had a chance to ponder over new opinions or one can say new impressions. In the end, I shut my mind and just allowed my instincts to speak. Just by reflecting on events that have occured in my life made me understand the meaning of faith.

"Faith is believing in something when commonsense tells you not to. Just because things did not turnout the way you want to the first time, you still got to believe in people or something you have hopes on." - The first line is from the Miracle on 34th street, Rest is my interpretation as to why the first line makes sense to me....

I am sure I will fight my way out of laziness and start believing (re-believe) in things that I havent been offlate.

Finally.... The Curse is off his back

Ten years back, same time, I hated the fact of watching Agassi win the French Open thereby becoming one of the very few to have won all four Grand Slams in a career. He surely became a legend considering the fact, he did win an Olympic Gold at the Atlanta Games in 1996. I was a class 10 student, and a pro Sampras fan, didnt like this fact. A degree of tranquility came when Sampras thrashed Agassi in straight sets to win yet another Wimbledon in 1999.

Sampras managed to win one more, before he lost to Roger Federer in the fourth round of 2001 Wimbledon Championships. That was the first and the only time, they both ever met in an ATP tour. I was in tears, at the same time couldnt hate Roger, because he was a good friend and a mixed doubles partner of Martina Hingis (who still is my favourite) when the pair won the Hopman's Cup in early 2001. I was wondering, Did I just see my new hero? Because, I heard a lot of praise of Roger from Sampras and this had an impact on me to like him as well.

Another Swiss halted Sampras in the form of George Bastl in 2002 before winning his last Grand Slam at Flushing Meadows. He retired, although the announcement came late, I knew, he wouldnt come back.

From then, its been all Roger, seeing him win the 2003 Wimbledon gave me so much satisfaction that, I felt, it was time the next King of Grass arrived. Defeats to Nadal at Roland Garros made me pinch myself, each time, so I did till this very year, when Roger won the elusive French Open he completed the career Grand Slam. He needs one more to be one clear of Pete Sampras who has 14 with no French Open. An all time legend - Does anyone doubt? Only cynics I suppose.

The curse of clay is gone, its off from Federer's back, well and truely grounded at Roland Garros today. Ten years, is such a long time and I am in tears, tears of joy. Never I had a chance to enjoy and rejoice someone winning French Open since the glory days of Sergei Brugera in 1993 and 1994.

On a personal front, there is nothing better than being in the home country of Roger's to witness this historic moment in tennis and an historic landmark in his life. And somewhere a sense of triumph for me as well.

Getting Rid of the Past - Do we have to all the time?

I thank for having a decent memory, most times I ensure its put into good use. There are times, when I am all by myself, few scars feel unhealed, although time has gone by, it seems as though they are untouched.
An element called stubborness in me refuses to accept that things have changed; I dont want to be judgemental whether it is good or worse. I am a believer that everything happens for the good, only when no options are left and we resign to what some call 'fate' and few others call 'destiny'.
There were times when things were different, but life is such a puzzle that, we think only our perspective to be the sole solution as to why it changed. Actually, most reactions of ours are as a result of this belief.
It disturbs me, that things didnt pan out the same way it used to. Thats called evolution, maturity, growing up, moving on etc etc
Life as a television with remote control operated by few friends can be quite an experience. It tries its best, to entertain as per the channel desired. With time, there seems to be a trend with few to change the television, because its antiquated and its time for something new.
But, there can also be that, Life has become so busy that, there is no time to watch the television. So, what seemed to be favourite programs in the past, doesnt find a place today. Reality bites, doesnt it.
Its fortunate at times, they get the updates and few might even interest them.
I guess, its time I accept that, things have changed and looking back, it was a good time except for the disconnection, not once but twice.
On a brighter note, there have been new connections, but like I said, one has to pay the price for having a decent memory. Its just that, those memories have to be conditioned and aligned in such a way that, when I look back, I will get a reminder that, afterall I didnt have a bad deal and will know as time goes by as to what caused the disconnection.
Till then, its ok, its good to reflect on what happened. Now I realise and thank the two whom I was constantly in touch and have not lost any respect whatsoever. At times, you do get devilled, but I promise, I never made any conclusions and the book is still open.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

It all started in 2005, when I was in my final year of Engineering, I got introduced to this character. It was Viren, a friend from college who suggested me to watch the first episode and ever since I have never looked back.

Calm, collective, focussed, determined, fighting for a cause, commitment are just some of the words that comes to my mind. After watching the last episode, I realised, this character was one big influence on me.This series kept me going many times during the last three and half years. It all took four seasons, and thats it, it got its ending.


It all started in a grand fashion, the idea of the series was something out of the box. I was a fan right from the time the series started. The show was popular, wasnt comic, it represented the other side of comedy. The word isnt tragedy, its called 'Life' from another perspective.

Its a thing with me to get attached to the characters, who inspire me, give me hope because they give me a window to have a different perspective of life. This character was no exception.




When I saw this episode, I knew, it was all going to end. So did his character. And, in due respect, I appreciate the director, to have made such an ending, the last five minutes is marvellous.




So what did I learn, many things at different times in my life, it was like a drive, which made me re-discover my buried hopes.
One line I always remember is this - 'Be the Change you want to see in the world'. That just sums it up for me as to why this character will always be an inspiration for me. RIP - Michael Schofield, it was great knowing you.
Here it ends the journey of the series 'Prison Break'.

Without Limits

Five days staying in a room not going out isn’t that great for the mind, body or soul. I managed to do that. I went out to my friend's place to have lunch, we chatted for a while, and then I went to shop some groceries before heading back to The Apartment.
I spent those days, watching movies, hell lot of movies, reading few things on the internet, sleeping, just about cooking to satisfy the hunger bug and few visits to the toilet. I had not touched the main door of my apartment. I managed to survive, although this routine had given birth to certain ghosts. It had because, I can safely say, I am burying them with this blog.

An incident back in 2005 when I won the Sports Quiz at NLS (National Law School, India), I missed a question. I felt bad that I didn’t know about it. In hindsight, there is nothing to feel bad about it, but you see, my heart was shaped that way. It feels the itch, of not knowing certain things. For a while, it itches. Then mind takes over and I don’t have a clue about the itch and how old is it. In my case it was a four-year itch. Thinking about the athlete whose name I missed, has given me a chance to see the life from a different perspective and something I was looking for at the end of 5 days. It was not a panache, but did have some sort of 'Mojo' to bury the ghosts. I feel the change as I continue to write.

The question I missed was about a man, who died at the age of 24. I am 24 now. He was the best athlete American distance running team had in the late 60's and 1970's. He was a distance runner who had his own ideology about running and winning. Winning is nothing when you haven’t given your best. It doesn’t feel the same, when you win without giving one's best. His coach tried to change his philosophy, he couldn’t. He represented the University of Oregon.
He shared a healthy relationship with the coach of the US running team and they both agreed to disagree. Every time, they questioned each other's fundamentals and philosophy of running and winning. But remained good friends till the end.
The first sign of protest came when the athlete took on AAU (Amateur Athletics Union) and demanded athlete’s right to participate when qualified.
He was tipped as one of the favourites to win 5000m Olympic Gold in 1972 at Munich games, eventually losing out to Lasse Viren of Finland. He finished 4th after leading the race till the last lap.
He couldn’t bear the loss. He took some time out, until he was able to come to terms with reality. He distanced himself from his love, because he hated so much that, he didn’t have words to say to the one he loved.
Finally, he started training, refused an offer to turn professional, thereby kicking the chance to earn 200,000 dollars. He went to his coach, tried a new pair of shoes which his coach had made for him. Went for a run and agreed to be an Amateur and seek redemption at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal.
He raced pretty well in the trials and he had planned to set a world record to win the 5000m in 12min 36 seconds. That was the time he had chosen, a world record back then. Those were last words he said to his friend. He dropped his friend and while on his way to his girlfriend, with whom he had just got good terms with, met with an accident while he was forseeing his race and commenting on his possible 1976 performance and how he would shatter the world record.
It wasn’t to be, his car was hit by another car and he was killed on May 30th 1975.
I hope most of the readers are smarter than me; the athlete was Steve Pre Fontaine. Nicknamed ‘Pre’, he was born on January 25th 1951.
Now that name is on, I am sure, there are better websites dedicated to him that will provide his information in detail. I would just like to share few things:

· In 1978, AAU agrees for athlete’s guarantee rights to compete wherever qualified.
· The small shoe company which the coach had inadvertently had begun went on to became what we know today as ‘NIKE’. The coach was none other than Bill Bowerman, founder of Nike.
· ‘Without Limits’ made in 1998 is the name of the movie that depicts the life of ‘Pre’ played by Billy Crudup.

The final words by Bill Bowerman in the movie sums up ‘Pre’ –
“All my life, man and boy, I've operated under the assumption that the main idea in running was to win the race. Naturally, when I became a coach I tried to teach people how to do that. I tried to teach Pre how to do that. Tried like hell to teach Pre to do that. And Pre taught me. Taught me I was wrong. Pre, you see, was troubled by knowing that a mediocre effort can win a race and a magnificent effort can lose one. Winning a race wouldn't necessarily demand that he give it everything he had from start to finish. He never ran any other way. I tried to get him to, God knows I tried... but... Pre was stubborn. He insisted on holding himself to a higher standard than victory. 'A race is a work of art'; that's what he said, that's what he believed and he was out to make it one every step of the way. Of course he wanted to win. Those who saw him compete and those who competed against him were never in any doubt how much he wanted to win, but how he won mattered to him more. ‘Pre’ thought I was a hard case. But he finally got it through my head that the real purpose of running isn't to win a race. It's to test to the limits of the human heart. That he did... Nobody did it more often. Nobody did it better.” That's the ending of the movie.

All I say - Watch the movie, dont think whether to watch it or not - 'JUST DO IT'

Countdown to the D-Day Part I

This very day, April 6th last year will go down as the day that triggered or should say the day that determined my future path. Just as when I had a feeling, I had quite a tough stroll in the park, did a good job of going through it. But it Happened One Evening. The day being a Sunday, 6th of April, 2008. I was able to appreciate it better because of few events that preceded this day. Although, one cannot fathom the relevance, but personally, all the events were important for what I turned out to be on that day.
This goes back to December 2007, when I was making plans about visiting Rajasthan with my mother. It was just two of us. I had made all the plans of visit.
I got a mail from a very revered senior from my college about teaming up for an All India Cricket Quiz, sponsored by History Channel. I agreed. The next few days, it was calls at the most unexpected times, No hello, Just a funda (an appreciated factoid) from cricket would pop up, when I was working, sleeping or while having food. That was the passion he had, or the superior managerial skills to pump up the intensity before a contest.
The quiz was to be held in Delhi on the last week of January 2008. We did well to weather the cold in the first place. It so happened, I got myself acquainted with a friend (Deepthi) of mine in Gurgaon. She was kind enough to allow me stay in her house, make Pav Bhaji one evening, went out with her friends to have a hot cup of chai (tea) in the mid-night. That was cold and never had I experienced so much (2 degrees) before coming to Switzerland.
Pradeep and I dreamt about smashing the quiz in our very own style. This was the second time we paired up as a team, the first one being for the Cricinfo Quiz conducted by Siddhartha Vaidyanathan and George Binoy in Bangalore.
The theme was cricket, and we qualified for the finals and felt a bit warm inside the auditorium. The finals didn’t turn out the way we wanted. We missed quite a few sitters, coming third in the end. We left the auditorium disappointed and off we went to airport. I messaged him early next morning about taking part in the second round at Mumbai.
I was running short of cash, since I had made all the arrangements for a long Rajasthan trip. But, something inside me was haunting throughout. It was a case of redemption for me and for us as a team in general. Its not often we get a chance to prove ourselves that we are one among the league of very good Sports Quizzers in India. We knew we had to do it for ourselves if not for Rs 50000 as cash prize for winners.
A fortnight later, Mumbai it was. On the Valentine’s Day I land in Mumbai. Oh, Ya, Good way to celebrate it, isn’t it? In my case, it was the best possible way to ward off any feelings whatsoever.
Next day, while he had some work to finish, I took this opportunity to meet a good friend of mine Keith. We chatted after a long time, ever since he settled down in Mumbai.
Post Lunch, Pradeep and I were back for some Quizzing action. Bang bang, we were right on target from the go. Topped the prelims by miles and it felt good for us in the finals.
The form continued in the finals as we thrashed everyone by 130 point margin. It was ruthless, felt for a while, as to why I idolise Sachin, Schumacher and Sampras. It was for kicks for being sheer ruthless, not quite the way that undermine others though. It was a point to prove scenario for ourselves. To restore our pride, in some way, lost pride.
“How about the All India Motorsports quiz?” – Pradeep
I said - “We will do it mate”.
While I sat on a late night flight to Bangalore from Mumbai, I wondered, Can we repeat this again. Let’s see, for the moment I was looking forward for my trip to Rajasthan.