Getting Rid of the Past - Do we have to all the time?

I thank for having a decent memory, most times I ensure its put into good use. There are times, when I am all by myself, few scars feel unhealed, although time has gone by, it seems as though they are untouched.
An element called stubborness in me refuses to accept that things have changed; I dont want to be judgemental whether it is good or worse. I am a believer that everything happens for the good, only when no options are left and we resign to what some call 'fate' and few others call 'destiny'.
There were times when things were different, but life is such a puzzle that, we think only our perspective to be the sole solution as to why it changed. Actually, most reactions of ours are as a result of this belief.
It disturbs me, that things didnt pan out the same way it used to. Thats called evolution, maturity, growing up, moving on etc etc
Life as a television with remote control operated by few friends can be quite an experience. It tries its best, to entertain as per the channel desired. With time, there seems to be a trend with few to change the television, because its antiquated and its time for something new.
But, there can also be that, Life has become so busy that, there is no time to watch the television. So, what seemed to be favourite programs in the past, doesnt find a place today. Reality bites, doesnt it.
Its fortunate at times, they get the updates and few might even interest them.
I guess, its time I accept that, things have changed and looking back, it was a good time except for the disconnection, not once but twice.
On a brighter note, there have been new connections, but like I said, one has to pay the price for having a decent memory. Its just that, those memories have to be conditioned and aligned in such a way that, when I look back, I will get a reminder that, afterall I didnt have a bad deal and will know as time goes by as to what caused the disconnection.
Till then, its ok, its good to reflect on what happened. Now I realise and thank the two whom I was constantly in touch and have not lost any respect whatsoever. At times, you do get devilled, but I promise, I never made any conclusions and the book is still open.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

It all started in 2005, when I was in my final year of Engineering, I got introduced to this character. It was Viren, a friend from college who suggested me to watch the first episode and ever since I have never looked back.

Calm, collective, focussed, determined, fighting for a cause, commitment are just some of the words that comes to my mind. After watching the last episode, I realised, this character was one big influence on me.This series kept me going many times during the last three and half years. It all took four seasons, and thats it, it got its ending.


It all started in a grand fashion, the idea of the series was something out of the box. I was a fan right from the time the series started. The show was popular, wasnt comic, it represented the other side of comedy. The word isnt tragedy, its called 'Life' from another perspective.

Its a thing with me to get attached to the characters, who inspire me, give me hope because they give me a window to have a different perspective of life. This character was no exception.




When I saw this episode, I knew, it was all going to end. So did his character. And, in due respect, I appreciate the director, to have made such an ending, the last five minutes is marvellous.




So what did I learn, many things at different times in my life, it was like a drive, which made me re-discover my buried hopes.
One line I always remember is this - 'Be the Change you want to see in the world'. That just sums it up for me as to why this character will always be an inspiration for me. RIP - Michael Schofield, it was great knowing you.
Here it ends the journey of the series 'Prison Break'.

Without Limits

Five days staying in a room not going out isn’t that great for the mind, body or soul. I managed to do that. I went out to my friend's place to have lunch, we chatted for a while, and then I went to shop some groceries before heading back to The Apartment.
I spent those days, watching movies, hell lot of movies, reading few things on the internet, sleeping, just about cooking to satisfy the hunger bug and few visits to the toilet. I had not touched the main door of my apartment. I managed to survive, although this routine had given birth to certain ghosts. It had because, I can safely say, I am burying them with this blog.

An incident back in 2005 when I won the Sports Quiz at NLS (National Law School, India), I missed a question. I felt bad that I didn’t know about it. In hindsight, there is nothing to feel bad about it, but you see, my heart was shaped that way. It feels the itch, of not knowing certain things. For a while, it itches. Then mind takes over and I don’t have a clue about the itch and how old is it. In my case it was a four-year itch. Thinking about the athlete whose name I missed, has given me a chance to see the life from a different perspective and something I was looking for at the end of 5 days. It was not a panache, but did have some sort of 'Mojo' to bury the ghosts. I feel the change as I continue to write.

The question I missed was about a man, who died at the age of 24. I am 24 now. He was the best athlete American distance running team had in the late 60's and 1970's. He was a distance runner who had his own ideology about running and winning. Winning is nothing when you haven’t given your best. It doesn’t feel the same, when you win without giving one's best. His coach tried to change his philosophy, he couldn’t. He represented the University of Oregon.
He shared a healthy relationship with the coach of the US running team and they both agreed to disagree. Every time, they questioned each other's fundamentals and philosophy of running and winning. But remained good friends till the end.
The first sign of protest came when the athlete took on AAU (Amateur Athletics Union) and demanded athlete’s right to participate when qualified.
He was tipped as one of the favourites to win 5000m Olympic Gold in 1972 at Munich games, eventually losing out to Lasse Viren of Finland. He finished 4th after leading the race till the last lap.
He couldn’t bear the loss. He took some time out, until he was able to come to terms with reality. He distanced himself from his love, because he hated so much that, he didn’t have words to say to the one he loved.
Finally, he started training, refused an offer to turn professional, thereby kicking the chance to earn 200,000 dollars. He went to his coach, tried a new pair of shoes which his coach had made for him. Went for a run and agreed to be an Amateur and seek redemption at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal.
He raced pretty well in the trials and he had planned to set a world record to win the 5000m in 12min 36 seconds. That was the time he had chosen, a world record back then. Those were last words he said to his friend. He dropped his friend and while on his way to his girlfriend, with whom he had just got good terms with, met with an accident while he was forseeing his race and commenting on his possible 1976 performance and how he would shatter the world record.
It wasn’t to be, his car was hit by another car and he was killed on May 30th 1975.
I hope most of the readers are smarter than me; the athlete was Steve Pre Fontaine. Nicknamed ‘Pre’, he was born on January 25th 1951.
Now that name is on, I am sure, there are better websites dedicated to him that will provide his information in detail. I would just like to share few things:

· In 1978, AAU agrees for athlete’s guarantee rights to compete wherever qualified.
· The small shoe company which the coach had inadvertently had begun went on to became what we know today as ‘NIKE’. The coach was none other than Bill Bowerman, founder of Nike.
· ‘Without Limits’ made in 1998 is the name of the movie that depicts the life of ‘Pre’ played by Billy Crudup.

The final words by Bill Bowerman in the movie sums up ‘Pre’ –
“All my life, man and boy, I've operated under the assumption that the main idea in running was to win the race. Naturally, when I became a coach I tried to teach people how to do that. I tried to teach Pre how to do that. Tried like hell to teach Pre to do that. And Pre taught me. Taught me I was wrong. Pre, you see, was troubled by knowing that a mediocre effort can win a race and a magnificent effort can lose one. Winning a race wouldn't necessarily demand that he give it everything he had from start to finish. He never ran any other way. I tried to get him to, God knows I tried... but... Pre was stubborn. He insisted on holding himself to a higher standard than victory. 'A race is a work of art'; that's what he said, that's what he believed and he was out to make it one every step of the way. Of course he wanted to win. Those who saw him compete and those who competed against him were never in any doubt how much he wanted to win, but how he won mattered to him more. ‘Pre’ thought I was a hard case. But he finally got it through my head that the real purpose of running isn't to win a race. It's to test to the limits of the human heart. That he did... Nobody did it more often. Nobody did it better.” That's the ending of the movie.

All I say - Watch the movie, dont think whether to watch it or not - 'JUST DO IT'

Countdown to the D-Day Part I

This very day, April 6th last year will go down as the day that triggered or should say the day that determined my future path. Just as when I had a feeling, I had quite a tough stroll in the park, did a good job of going through it. But it Happened One Evening. The day being a Sunday, 6th of April, 2008. I was able to appreciate it better because of few events that preceded this day. Although, one cannot fathom the relevance, but personally, all the events were important for what I turned out to be on that day.
This goes back to December 2007, when I was making plans about visiting Rajasthan with my mother. It was just two of us. I had made all the plans of visit.
I got a mail from a very revered senior from my college about teaming up for an All India Cricket Quiz, sponsored by History Channel. I agreed. The next few days, it was calls at the most unexpected times, No hello, Just a funda (an appreciated factoid) from cricket would pop up, when I was working, sleeping or while having food. That was the passion he had, or the superior managerial skills to pump up the intensity before a contest.
The quiz was to be held in Delhi on the last week of January 2008. We did well to weather the cold in the first place. It so happened, I got myself acquainted with a friend (Deepthi) of mine in Gurgaon. She was kind enough to allow me stay in her house, make Pav Bhaji one evening, went out with her friends to have a hot cup of chai (tea) in the mid-night. That was cold and never had I experienced so much (2 degrees) before coming to Switzerland.
Pradeep and I dreamt about smashing the quiz in our very own style. This was the second time we paired up as a team, the first one being for the Cricinfo Quiz conducted by Siddhartha Vaidyanathan and George Binoy in Bangalore.
The theme was cricket, and we qualified for the finals and felt a bit warm inside the auditorium. The finals didn’t turn out the way we wanted. We missed quite a few sitters, coming third in the end. We left the auditorium disappointed and off we went to airport. I messaged him early next morning about taking part in the second round at Mumbai.
I was running short of cash, since I had made all the arrangements for a long Rajasthan trip. But, something inside me was haunting throughout. It was a case of redemption for me and for us as a team in general. Its not often we get a chance to prove ourselves that we are one among the league of very good Sports Quizzers in India. We knew we had to do it for ourselves if not for Rs 50000 as cash prize for winners.
A fortnight later, Mumbai it was. On the Valentine’s Day I land in Mumbai. Oh, Ya, Good way to celebrate it, isn’t it? In my case, it was the best possible way to ward off any feelings whatsoever.
Next day, while he had some work to finish, I took this opportunity to meet a good friend of mine Keith. We chatted after a long time, ever since he settled down in Mumbai.
Post Lunch, Pradeep and I were back for some Quizzing action. Bang bang, we were right on target from the go. Topped the prelims by miles and it felt good for us in the finals.
The form continued in the finals as we thrashed everyone by 130 point margin. It was ruthless, felt for a while, as to why I idolise Sachin, Schumacher and Sampras. It was for kicks for being sheer ruthless, not quite the way that undermine others though. It was a point to prove scenario for ourselves. To restore our pride, in some way, lost pride.
“How about the All India Motorsports quiz?” – Pradeep
I said - “We will do it mate”.
While I sat on a late night flight to Bangalore from Mumbai, I wondered, Can we repeat this again. Let’s see, for the moment I was looking forward for my trip to Rajasthan.

Countdown to the D-day Part II

Few hours from the moment I landed Bangalore, I knew, I have to come back again. My mother and I all excited for the trip. First Stop – Jaipur, I was on a constant flight travels much to my liking in the past few weeks, and I had more to go.
We rested the night of 16th before heading out for a city visit around Jaipur. The places we visited include Pink City, Hawa Mahal, City Palace, the Bhool Bulaiya Place and the so called ‘Rang de Basanti’ place. I appreciate my mom for giving me as a company. At that moment, she was to be the only one, who could tolerate my silence and a sense of awkward behaviour without asking as to why I am behaving the same.
Later that night, we went to Choki Dani – traditional Rajasthani village, Sawai Man Singh Cricket stadium and did a lot of shopping for my sister, cousins and for few friends. What about me?

And during this time, I went in search of oxidised bangles for a friend. Little I realised that time, I was being fooled and she told me a year after, when I finally managed to give it to her. Rajan, this isnt oxidised bangles.

Next day, flight to Jaisalmer was very exciting. It was on a ATR, top of Pokhran desert, we manage to land on the Air force base. Jaisalmer has no airport, and we had strict Air force people taking us to the nearest stop point. One of the officers showed me the area which was bombarded during Kargil war in 1999.
We relaxed for a while at the hotel before setting out to see Thar Desert. It was a hot afternoon; I had my jacket to protect myself from heat. We went on a jeep. I had this fascination to ride on a camel’s back. The driver took me to the place. My mom wasn’t interested, so she went in the jeep and relaxed in a caravan few miles ahead. Oh man, it’s an experience riding on a camel’s back. It’s so scary at times, because of the height. When it is walking slowly, it’s a pleasant feeling, but we had to cover a lot of distance. It was like a movie, a deserted place, just me, camel and the camel owner.
The jerk movements, when the camel is ambling at a speed are not so pleasant for a newcomer like me.
Finally, I was all alone on a desert. I sat for a long time, wondering, all my life, its past. This was a time, just for me. And I cannot quite express how it feels, to see no one for a long distance. I was alone, not lonely though. I sensed a feeling of change in the way I looked at things. I knew the experience was worth a million dollars, actually it’s priceless. I always dreamt of desert in my childhood. I am happy; I ticked one of my dreams of my list. Sunset was a sight to watch.
Next day, I visited on my own to Jaisalmer palace and other parts as my Mom was not able to walk long distances and climb steps. Udaipur, we are coming.

One of the reasons of the visit was to attend the wedding of Mun-Mun. She became a friend of mine during my last trip to Udaipur in 2006, she also happens to be my best buddy’s sister. I knew their family and next two days, we went about having loads of fun. My other buddy had joined in too. It was hilarious. I had a chance to go to Lake Palace once again, City Palace and other places. I was the guide of Udaipur for Anmol and Mom. I vividly remember till date of all the places in Udaipur. The food was something out of this world. Overall, I was happy I managed to see all my college project mates in a matter of few days. It started with Keith in Mumbai, and here in Udaipur it was Anmol and Raj. Ahemadabad being close to Udaipur, I had decided earlier to drive down there from Udaipur. It was close to five hours drive on a cab. Took a flight to Bangalore and that culminated our trip to Rajasthan. It was 5 days, 5 flights, yet managed to cover the places I had dreamt of. My mom was happy to see me back to my usual self at the end of this trip. I just got to know her a touch better. I owe a lot to her.
Ok, nice rejuvenation, here I was ready for Times Speed Quiz, India’s first Motorsports quiz.

A few snapshots of my Trip: Notice the difference......

Countdown to the D-Day - Part III

I was quite superstitious about my hair. I just had too many things running on my head from mid 2007. It turned out to be a nice fodder for my hair. I just liked it, long hair; I took a good care of it. It didn’t matter, I was working, because never I had doubts I would cut my hair, owing to some pressure at work or family. And people who mattered at work and at home, never pressurised me either. They knew I wouldn’t budge. Actually, in a way, it turned out better. I was able to do a lot of work which I enjoyed, meeting clients across Bangalore and Chennai. Ok, it was a coincidence that Dhoni too had long hair at that time. But who cares, he was successful and often few people referred me as Dhoni. Coming back, March first week 2008, I flew to Mumbai for the zonal qualifying. We had four zones of qualifying Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai. Top two teams are selected for the semi finals in Mumbai followed by finals very same day. After a nice lunch at Pradeep’s place, we go the auditorium. We didn’t qualify, it wasn’t about Formula 1 alone, it was about the entire Motorsports and that was something. We both were shocked, but to be honest, weren’t disappointed. There was a lot of quality in the teams. We felt out of place at some times when we watched the finals.
We asked if we could take part in the Chennai round with the quiz master Avinash Mudaliar. Since we had not qualified, we were allowed to take part.
Boy, the next two weeks was to determine our capabilities. Pradeep just called at odd hours and this time he was asking me to put fundas. Once, he even asked his girlfriend to speak to me about focussing on the task ahead and not waste time with girls and other stuff. He was funny, and I admire his unique ways of pushing his partner to achieve a common goal. He knew I had it in me.
We went to Chennai two weeks later, and guess what; it turned to be one of the toughest motorsports prelims we had ever encountered. We topped the prelims again. It was the final round of qualifying, so in a way, we weren’t dished out Formula1 etc, it was hardcore motorsports. All forms of Motorsports. We were introduced as one of the best Sports Quizzers by Avinash Mudaliar, quite sarcastic though. We had a point to prove. Till the last round, Man, we had lost it. There was no way unless for the miracles in the buzzer round, we could make it. We had to answer 3 questions correct and hope others answered it incorrect or not answer at all. This was to take the second spot.
First Question, we answer. Second Question, 5th Team (team which is in second answers), Third Question, the leading team answers. We still had a chance if we answered two correctly and hope the last one went unanswered.
4th Question, a toughie, we press the buzzer and answer. Hi-fi’s exchanged, c’mon we can do it. 5th Question, no clue, we press the buzzer, we worked out in short time and Pradeep answered Bughatti. Perfect. We were 2nd. The last question went unanswered, as we didn’t have to take a chance.
We got a round of appreciation for our late effort. In fact it was the final two rounds, we went overboard.
Ok, we made it. At least, the sarcasm we proved we were good enough for the finals. Now, we were among the Top 8 teams in India. After a month round of qualifying,

We felt Barcelona a bit closer. Yes, the winning team won an all expense trip to Spanish Grand Prix 2008. Pradeep from the beginning had one aim, Barcelona.
And in the end, it turned out; we did this quiz, travelling crazily one place after the other in search of this. This was what one calls, chasing one’s dreams.
That night, at Chennai Airport, I was reflecting on few things. I wondered, did my hair play any role, I know, I was being superstitious about it. But, I had a feeling, I had all the luck and I got everything I wanted, because I had long hair. I somehow didn’t like to be under this assumption. I saw Dhoni winning in Australia ODI series with his short hair. Sometimes, we need to break out of this shell to understand who we are. It’s good to be getting things done, not because of the hair, because of the capabilities. Next few days, I went about pondering, to have a hair cut or not. Fine, let me have it. And I felt a change, I was not the same guy, who went about being ruthless in his work, I felt, I was reborn and I knew I was transformed emotionally and now I was ready to look at life from a different perspective.

Just a week before the finals, I had my hair cut. I feel, one of the bold moves I ever made considering the stake of the finals. I didn’t want this hair, I wanted to get out of this, it was sort of force that was holding me. I wanted to be liberated. Liberated I was after the haircut.
The finals were to be held at ITC Shearton, Mumbai. All expense paid by Times of India and BP (Bharat Petroleum). Flights, hotel stay, commuting etc

The Last Supper before the D-day

After watching Virender Sehwag getting to his second double hundred, I took the flight early morning to Mumbai. When I got out of the airport, I saw the score in my mobile phone. The message read “Sehwag out for 319 and Sachin for a duck”. We were taken to our hotel, Sea Princess right next to Hotel Taj Mahal. The view from the room was amazing, Gateway of India adjoining to the sea face. Few months later, when I visited the same place for my Visa, it was carnage after the bomb blasts.
After having a nice lunch, I relaxed for a while. Pradeep, who stays in Mumbai, met me at the venue. We all had to wear common T-shirts and the Quiz Master was Derek O Brien. It was a showcase event as many top management from BP, Times of India had come. Narain Karthikeyan was the special guest and he did his bit as a quiz master towards the end. We managed to qualify for the finals by winning the semi-finals round. The scene was set for a grand finale. After a stage of some entertainment from Mansi Scott, we began the finals.
The finals were more of a game show than a quiz final. You had lots of unusual rounds. Well, one team wasn’t performing and you had three teams going for the kill till the final round. We were one among them the three.
Final round, we did our bit, two questions to go, we had lost the race for top spot. The top two teams tied and we were third placed in the end. A college team from NIT Allahabad won the jackpot. Wait, a minute, Second prize gets an all expense trip to Bangkok. Third Prize, a lot of goodie bags, including Rs 6000 worth fuel, a small trophy, a chance to stand on the podium just like in Motorsports for prize distribution. Spray of champagne for winners and a group photo.
We knew we came close, and in hindsight, if it were to be out and out finals like it is usually conducted with scoring and other things, we would have won.
Nevertheless, it was some experience to be known as the third best team in Motorsports Quiz in India. It was nice chatting with Narain Karthikeyan after the event for few minutes.
A few days later, this event was featured in Bombay Times and we had our picture on it.
Looking back, it was March 29th last year, when we were verge on being Famous, turned out we were ‘Almost Famous’.

I was fortunate, my partner was Pradeep and I learnt quite a lot of things from him. Its no joke, he was like a mentor and I was happy to learn the tricks of the trade which he had been for such a long time and continues to do. He taught me to calm the nerves before a big event and we did pull each other legs during our so called ‘Indian Sports Quiz Trip’.
To our team names ‘W.G. DisGrace’ to Mon-key (Mann ki) Shakti Tann ki Shakti (keeping with the theme of Harbhajan – Symonds incident), we did come a long way. In India, New Year begins around last week of March. I can say, it was a new year for me on a personal front. That was it and it all ended in Mumbai. Quizzing terms, Yes. Personally, all the above experiences heralded the dawn of my new found life.
I had so much to tell that, I ended up writing a blog early April last year titled ‘Love story or is it my Story’. The ramifications were such that, it changed my life completely.
And April 6th it was, the D-day that soon turned out to be an important day of our lives. Looking back, I know the events that occurred in those three months last year made me to write a blog on my love life about a girl whom I never met, cut my hair and start a new life.
In the end, the superstitious would have won, had I not cut my hair, we could have won. Who knows?
I don’t regret it. I am here in Switzerland writing this, a day after seeing Kimi Raikonnen losing out in Malaysia this year, when compared to him winning on 6th of April at Bahrain last year. As the race culminated last year, I felt for the first time in a week’s time I was ‘Out of my Comfort Zone’. And that’s how it stands till date. A special friend did something 'Out of her Comfort Zone' and since then she has become really special in my life and so on we went about living the days of our lives.