Countdown to the D-day Part II

Few hours from the moment I landed Bangalore, I knew, I have to come back again. My mother and I all excited for the trip. First Stop – Jaipur, I was on a constant flight travels much to my liking in the past few weeks, and I had more to go.
We rested the night of 16th before heading out for a city visit around Jaipur. The places we visited include Pink City, Hawa Mahal, City Palace, the Bhool Bulaiya Place and the so called ‘Rang de Basanti’ place. I appreciate my mom for giving me as a company. At that moment, she was to be the only one, who could tolerate my silence and a sense of awkward behaviour without asking as to why I am behaving the same.
Later that night, we went to Choki Dani – traditional Rajasthani village, Sawai Man Singh Cricket stadium and did a lot of shopping for my sister, cousins and for few friends. What about me?

And during this time, I went in search of oxidised bangles for a friend. Little I realised that time, I was being fooled and she told me a year after, when I finally managed to give it to her. Rajan, this isnt oxidised bangles.

Next day, flight to Jaisalmer was very exciting. It was on a ATR, top of Pokhran desert, we manage to land on the Air force base. Jaisalmer has no airport, and we had strict Air force people taking us to the nearest stop point. One of the officers showed me the area which was bombarded during Kargil war in 1999.
We relaxed for a while at the hotel before setting out to see Thar Desert. It was a hot afternoon; I had my jacket to protect myself from heat. We went on a jeep. I had this fascination to ride on a camel’s back. The driver took me to the place. My mom wasn’t interested, so she went in the jeep and relaxed in a caravan few miles ahead. Oh man, it’s an experience riding on a camel’s back. It’s so scary at times, because of the height. When it is walking slowly, it’s a pleasant feeling, but we had to cover a lot of distance. It was like a movie, a deserted place, just me, camel and the camel owner.
The jerk movements, when the camel is ambling at a speed are not so pleasant for a newcomer like me.
Finally, I was all alone on a desert. I sat for a long time, wondering, all my life, its past. This was a time, just for me. And I cannot quite express how it feels, to see no one for a long distance. I was alone, not lonely though. I sensed a feeling of change in the way I looked at things. I knew the experience was worth a million dollars, actually it’s priceless. I always dreamt of desert in my childhood. I am happy; I ticked one of my dreams of my list. Sunset was a sight to watch.
Next day, I visited on my own to Jaisalmer palace and other parts as my Mom was not able to walk long distances and climb steps. Udaipur, we are coming.

One of the reasons of the visit was to attend the wedding of Mun-Mun. She became a friend of mine during my last trip to Udaipur in 2006, she also happens to be my best buddy’s sister. I knew their family and next two days, we went about having loads of fun. My other buddy had joined in too. It was hilarious. I had a chance to go to Lake Palace once again, City Palace and other places. I was the guide of Udaipur for Anmol and Mom. I vividly remember till date of all the places in Udaipur. The food was something out of this world. Overall, I was happy I managed to see all my college project mates in a matter of few days. It started with Keith in Mumbai, and here in Udaipur it was Anmol and Raj. Ahemadabad being close to Udaipur, I had decided earlier to drive down there from Udaipur. It was close to five hours drive on a cab. Took a flight to Bangalore and that culminated our trip to Rajasthan. It was 5 days, 5 flights, yet managed to cover the places I had dreamt of. My mom was happy to see me back to my usual self at the end of this trip. I just got to know her a touch better. I owe a lot to her.
Ok, nice rejuvenation, here I was ready for Times Speed Quiz, India’s first Motorsports quiz.

A few snapshots of my Trip: Notice the difference......

Countdown to the D-Day - Part III

I was quite superstitious about my hair. I just had too many things running on my head from mid 2007. It turned out to be a nice fodder for my hair. I just liked it, long hair; I took a good care of it. It didn’t matter, I was working, because never I had doubts I would cut my hair, owing to some pressure at work or family. And people who mattered at work and at home, never pressurised me either. They knew I wouldn’t budge. Actually, in a way, it turned out better. I was able to do a lot of work which I enjoyed, meeting clients across Bangalore and Chennai. Ok, it was a coincidence that Dhoni too had long hair at that time. But who cares, he was successful and often few people referred me as Dhoni. Coming back, March first week 2008, I flew to Mumbai for the zonal qualifying. We had four zones of qualifying Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai. Top two teams are selected for the semi finals in Mumbai followed by finals very same day. After a nice lunch at Pradeep’s place, we go the auditorium. We didn’t qualify, it wasn’t about Formula 1 alone, it was about the entire Motorsports and that was something. We both were shocked, but to be honest, weren’t disappointed. There was a lot of quality in the teams. We felt out of place at some times when we watched the finals.
We asked if we could take part in the Chennai round with the quiz master Avinash Mudaliar. Since we had not qualified, we were allowed to take part.
Boy, the next two weeks was to determine our capabilities. Pradeep just called at odd hours and this time he was asking me to put fundas. Once, he even asked his girlfriend to speak to me about focussing on the task ahead and not waste time with girls and other stuff. He was funny, and I admire his unique ways of pushing his partner to achieve a common goal. He knew I had it in me.
We went to Chennai two weeks later, and guess what; it turned to be one of the toughest motorsports prelims we had ever encountered. We topped the prelims again. It was the final round of qualifying, so in a way, we weren’t dished out Formula1 etc, it was hardcore motorsports. All forms of Motorsports. We were introduced as one of the best Sports Quizzers by Avinash Mudaliar, quite sarcastic though. We had a point to prove. Till the last round, Man, we had lost it. There was no way unless for the miracles in the buzzer round, we could make it. We had to answer 3 questions correct and hope others answered it incorrect or not answer at all. This was to take the second spot.
First Question, we answer. Second Question, 5th Team (team which is in second answers), Third Question, the leading team answers. We still had a chance if we answered two correctly and hope the last one went unanswered.
4th Question, a toughie, we press the buzzer and answer. Hi-fi’s exchanged, c’mon we can do it. 5th Question, no clue, we press the buzzer, we worked out in short time and Pradeep answered Bughatti. Perfect. We were 2nd. The last question went unanswered, as we didn’t have to take a chance.
We got a round of appreciation for our late effort. In fact it was the final two rounds, we went overboard.
Ok, we made it. At least, the sarcasm we proved we were good enough for the finals. Now, we were among the Top 8 teams in India. After a month round of qualifying,

We felt Barcelona a bit closer. Yes, the winning team won an all expense trip to Spanish Grand Prix 2008. Pradeep from the beginning had one aim, Barcelona.
And in the end, it turned out; we did this quiz, travelling crazily one place after the other in search of this. This was what one calls, chasing one’s dreams.
That night, at Chennai Airport, I was reflecting on few things. I wondered, did my hair play any role, I know, I was being superstitious about it. But, I had a feeling, I had all the luck and I got everything I wanted, because I had long hair. I somehow didn’t like to be under this assumption. I saw Dhoni winning in Australia ODI series with his short hair. Sometimes, we need to break out of this shell to understand who we are. It’s good to be getting things done, not because of the hair, because of the capabilities. Next few days, I went about pondering, to have a hair cut or not. Fine, let me have it. And I felt a change, I was not the same guy, who went about being ruthless in his work, I felt, I was reborn and I knew I was transformed emotionally and now I was ready to look at life from a different perspective.

Just a week before the finals, I had my hair cut. I feel, one of the bold moves I ever made considering the stake of the finals. I didn’t want this hair, I wanted to get out of this, it was sort of force that was holding me. I wanted to be liberated. Liberated I was after the haircut.
The finals were to be held at ITC Shearton, Mumbai. All expense paid by Times of India and BP (Bharat Petroleum). Flights, hotel stay, commuting etc

The Last Supper before the D-day

After watching Virender Sehwag getting to his second double hundred, I took the flight early morning to Mumbai. When I got out of the airport, I saw the score in my mobile phone. The message read “Sehwag out for 319 and Sachin for a duck”. We were taken to our hotel, Sea Princess right next to Hotel Taj Mahal. The view from the room was amazing, Gateway of India adjoining to the sea face. Few months later, when I visited the same place for my Visa, it was carnage after the bomb blasts.
After having a nice lunch, I relaxed for a while. Pradeep, who stays in Mumbai, met me at the venue. We all had to wear common T-shirts and the Quiz Master was Derek O Brien. It was a showcase event as many top management from BP, Times of India had come. Narain Karthikeyan was the special guest and he did his bit as a quiz master towards the end. We managed to qualify for the finals by winning the semi-finals round. The scene was set for a grand finale. After a stage of some entertainment from Mansi Scott, we began the finals.
The finals were more of a game show than a quiz final. You had lots of unusual rounds. Well, one team wasn’t performing and you had three teams going for the kill till the final round. We were one among them the three.
Final round, we did our bit, two questions to go, we had lost the race for top spot. The top two teams tied and we were third placed in the end. A college team from NIT Allahabad won the jackpot. Wait, a minute, Second prize gets an all expense trip to Bangkok. Third Prize, a lot of goodie bags, including Rs 6000 worth fuel, a small trophy, a chance to stand on the podium just like in Motorsports for prize distribution. Spray of champagne for winners and a group photo.
We knew we came close, and in hindsight, if it were to be out and out finals like it is usually conducted with scoring and other things, we would have won.
Nevertheless, it was some experience to be known as the third best team in Motorsports Quiz in India. It was nice chatting with Narain Karthikeyan after the event for few minutes.
A few days later, this event was featured in Bombay Times and we had our picture on it.
Looking back, it was March 29th last year, when we were verge on being Famous, turned out we were ‘Almost Famous’.

I was fortunate, my partner was Pradeep and I learnt quite a lot of things from him. Its no joke, he was like a mentor and I was happy to learn the tricks of the trade which he had been for such a long time and continues to do. He taught me to calm the nerves before a big event and we did pull each other legs during our so called ‘Indian Sports Quiz Trip’.
To our team names ‘W.G. DisGrace’ to Mon-key (Mann ki) Shakti Tann ki Shakti (keeping with the theme of Harbhajan – Symonds incident), we did come a long way. In India, New Year begins around last week of March. I can say, it was a new year for me on a personal front. That was it and it all ended in Mumbai. Quizzing terms, Yes. Personally, all the above experiences heralded the dawn of my new found life.
I had so much to tell that, I ended up writing a blog early April last year titled ‘Love story or is it my Story’. The ramifications were such that, it changed my life completely.
And April 6th it was, the D-day that soon turned out to be an important day of our lives. Looking back, I know the events that occurred in those three months last year made me to write a blog on my love life about a girl whom I never met, cut my hair and start a new life.
In the end, the superstitious would have won, had I not cut my hair, we could have won. Who knows?
I don’t regret it. I am here in Switzerland writing this, a day after seeing Kimi Raikonnen losing out in Malaysia this year, when compared to him winning on 6th of April at Bahrain last year. As the race culminated last year, I felt for the first time in a week’s time I was ‘Out of my Comfort Zone’. And that’s how it stands till date. A special friend did something 'Out of her Comfort Zone' and since then she has become really special in my life and so on we went about living the days of our lives.

In India, is Cricket the lone Survivor?

As an avid fan of cricket, sometimes I am happy with the situation India is, financially and hence are able to build an ever -evolving cricket team, that competes well abroad as well as at home. Apart from occasional debacles (like losing a series to home, or early exit at premier tournaments), our team has done well, this includes Women's cricket team as well.

Its a welcome note to have included women's cricket as a part of ICC and in India, BCCI finally managed to take it under its reins. Its something good for the game of cricket in the years to come. Now cricket has reached a stage, it has plans of being an Olympic Sport in 2020 or 2024. Its a great step. Trust me, an Olympic Sport always get recognised worldwide and it is one of the best ways to promote the game on global scale. Knowing IOC, its a challenge to change their Euro-centric views about cricket and its reception by other member nations.

In India, we have IPL and ICL entangled in legal battles. Its sad, but this also brings to an important point. Cant we ensure, other games like hockey, football, basketball etc be promoted in franchise model. I know, boxing is being under consideration and the two bronze medals at Beijing, is a positive result and will see more people support Boxing in the coming years.

In India, Economy and social life are often associated with the way Indiviual Sports have shaped up. At present we have to admit, we dont have a culture for Hockey or football. People play cricket instead. Its not lack of players who are willing to play Hockey, its the case of people who opt cricket. Same is with football or other Sports in India. The surroundings and social structure have played a big role. And this has an impact on economics of Sports. We are a nation of billion people, few people can give us hope but cannot change the current situation.

Few years back, PHL (Premier Hockey League) kicked off in a grand fashion and this was even before the idea of IPL (Indian Premier League) or ICL (Indian Cricket League) got materialised.
It ran for three years before it lost its charm. Why? A lot of reasons. I am not going into that aspect.
Now, instead of spending millions of dollars on ex-cricketers, current cricketers, future stars, the ever continuing legal battles with BCCI, why dont Zee Sports (idea behind ICL) look to terminate the idea about making money through cricket. It was a great idea, but sadly we have a powerhouse in BCCI. Why fight?

If Zee Sport's aim is to create athletes in the form of cricketers, why dont they focus on athletes who are non-cricketers, who needs media attention, who needs funding where in they feel good and perform. Why dont they create an even playing ground for other sports?

If I were to be Subhash Chandra, I would utilise this opportunity to look at hockey, football and other Sports and create a social culture in which other athletes can become champions and help Public accepting other sports by creating a scenario where games can stand on its own merit not just for sympathy reasons.

Its a win-win situation in the long term. India as a Sports Nation can benefit, corporates can look for alternatives, if they find cricket to be an expensive way of advertising. And finally, Zee can win so-called 'personal battle' with BCCI. Leave cricket to BCCI, they are doing good job of it. Concentrate on other sports.

Reality is, I am not Subhash Chandra and I am just expressing my thoughts as an extension of various discussions on the state of Olympic Sports in India with other students from different parts of the world in the Olympic Capital.

Alone in the Ring

Last few months have been quite an experience both academically and on personal front. Things which were available at ease have ceased to exist.In turn, I am learning many new things which will be beneficial as I move ahead. To be honest, technology has ensured we keep in touch with people all across the world. Its easy, yet, we rely on the fact that we are just one touch away from getting connected. So, Honey, Why not later? Whatever.....

Just a small info, I am currently doing my post graduation studies at AISTS (http://www.aists.org/). The subject is Sports Technology and Administration. Yes, its an interesting course for people who love sports and also for people who want to make a career in sports.

The interesting part of this course is that, it is recognised and co-founded by International Olympic Commitee (http://www.olympic.org/). AISTS is situated inside the campus of EPFL at Lausanne, which is also known as the 'Olympic Capital'. The course involves, Sports Managment and Economics, Sports Law, Sports Technology, Sports Medicine and Sociology of Sports. It involves other topics like Extended learning, Transdisciplinary and projects like Team project, Personal project and finally an Internship.

I love Sports, so in a way, it reached a stage as to why not study something about Sports? I do agree, for every decision we have to evaluate our options. I havent taken this course because its cool to study sports. I have a history and it hurts.

I am no good sportsman, I am not worth even being one, because i didnt possess the most vital elements required to be an athlete. That is 'Will and a Purpose'. Years have past. Yes, I was good at playing, but it was just leisure. I never gave myself a chance and in short I wasnt bold enough to take. Thats the truth.

Truth bites, it sure does. How long can I survive, without having to breathe about Sports? Mom was right, she did her best, but I didnt have the will and didnt have the guts to accept it and make a career in Sports.

My Dad was good at basketball and table tennis. Mom did her bit at badminton. What did I do? Sports Quizzing, well thats not great. Its Nothing. This is the ghost, that haunts me and it always did. Its sick, earlier, I didnt even try and just found excuses in order to cover my face. Well, now, it aint no more.

I had a chance to learn that, there isnt always gonna be a second opportunity in life. And all these last few years went in wondering, "What's next best to being an athlete?"

Involve in Sports?
I loved my previous job, but you see, I cant be a human while I carry a ghost around me. I dont know where my future lies, but onething is sure, I never thought I would be here, this time last year. Infact I didnt even think about this course till June the 6th. One particular incident changed my mind. People may call it 'coincidence'. I know it isnt. I applied for a reason to this University within 5 days of deadline and the application reached on the day of the deadline. Anticipation of being with someone will always make you feel better and with this hope, I went ahead. Luck had it, I got the admission. Are you listening someone?

But guess what, I am alone, should I say, 'Alone in the Ring'. Surely, I have no regrets whatsoever. This is how my life was designed and it was all fabricated by my choices. Now, I dont want to be an athlete, but giving myself a shot at being a 'Sports lover' and doing something in Sports Industry would be a nice redemption.

'Alone in the Ring' makes me introspect, sometimes gives confidence and sometimes pulls me down. There are special people in my life whom I look upto, share my feelings and they are very much there. But most times, when I see or hear from them about their lives, perspectives and state of mind, I find it better at those times to just stick to my motions and move on. Everytime is the not the right time to share.

A Writer's Mis(s)-Inspiration

I do have belief in the concept of “Change”. Having perception oriented world around you, it’s always hard to come to conclusion whether things are for better or worse. In any case, experience is attached irrespective of the state of mind we are.

I had an opportunity to meet a person while I was flying from New Delhi to Bangalore. He had everything going for him, in terms of career, a decent family and steady romantic relationship. He told, it wasn’t steady with respect to his girl friend, and it took them 3 years and two break ups to get to this steady state.

One of the things I got to know was his talent for writing essays on philosophy, cars, music and especially about relationship. He doesn’t have a blog to address them, but maintains a note book to pen his thoughts.

He showed me the book and it was empty for last few months. He says he has become too lazy to write these days. Fair enough, responsibilities on the career front were stopping him to an extent. But, at the same time, he was frustrated about the fact that he wasn’t able to write.

He was kind enough to let me read few articles. According to me, the best ones were scattered here and there. Some of them showed his unintentional writing, I mean, writing just for the sake of it, not having a soul.

I pointed this to him and he did agree.

Now the next question…. “Sir, what has been the greatest source of motivation or say inspiration to write such things?”

“Pain….. It’s something which is very much required to bring out the best at least for me. When I look back, I feel my creativity was at its best when I had a hard time with either my family or with my girl friend. I wanted some amount of stir inside me to bring out the feelings, and to be honest, my best writings were when I had something inside, some uneasiness. When I wasn’t with my girl friend, I thought that period to be a great motivating factor because I really loved her and I wasn’t able to convey and convince how much I missed her. All this energy was put on my writings and friends said it was well written, that included my girl friend too”.

Aren’t you being harsh on your girl friend by concluding like this? I asked
“Initially, I did not think this to be the reason. But, if you look back, my best writings came when there wasn’t any clarity in our relationship. Now it’s clear much clear than what it was. You know, I don’t mind this writing. I don’t want to hurt my girl friend by telling what I feel and the reason for my inability to write anymore the way I used to.”

At this point of time, I wasn’t convinced with his argument. It was a sign of him losing his touch since he feels he doesn’t have anything to say to her about how much he cared and loved. I was wondering how his girl friend would react if she finds out about this.

Usually I don’t interfere in people’s way of working or living. But at that time, I felt I had something to say. Also, he did ask my opinion. I chose not to be a diplomat.
“The path of self discovery is very interesting. Now when we decide that this is the person, we are stopping our discovery channel and instead switch to exploring the person on a regular basis. This can be a judgmental call and one has to back oneself and be convinced. It depends what you expect from a partner. If it doesn’t match in the first step, is there any point of exploring. When you say, you are very peace with yourself after getting back with your girlfriend, then it s a positive sign. Life isn’t all about writing masterpieces. If the distance away from your girl friend was your main source of inspiration then think about the kind of inspiration she can be, now that she is even closer. I am sure she doesn’t want you to be upset because of her. I understand we do have our own ways of getting inspired but to me, it isn’t the right way to judge or conclude. If I were in your position, I would have expressed my feelings to the concerned and would find newer ways of looking at things.
In a way, this gives a chance for you to write about things in a different way rather than looking at the same monotonous way. Its time you accepted the reality and allow the change to interact with your writing and analytical skills. Its time for a change the way you looked at things. You asked for my opinion and I have given mine”

He was surprised and looked at me in a suspicious way and asked me “Have you ever gone through something like this?”

I was made to shut within no time. But I did reply, “It doesn’t matter whether I went through this all. I can say, at least I wouldn’t blame anyone but me. I have decided for the little skills I have, it’s me and my own responsibility to find constant inspirations to keep it going. Its tough at times, but beauty of nature and life is such that, it will give a lot of sources, it’s only up to us to choose them” I hope this answers your question.

Didn’t realize, Bangalore was such a short journey. He was in a hurry, we exchanged numbers and that was it. And before saying goodbye, he said, he will look into what ever I had said.

In the end, it didn’t matter, whether it was because of me he got back to his writing ways, I hope he feels great about writing again without having to blame someone else.

If world is so flat, So do tyres at times!!!

Few weeks back, on a Saturday morning, I saw my car tyre being flat. I was in a hurry. Thanks to my neighbour, I went in a two wheeler, got a puncture fixing boy. He didn’t have the tools to attend my problem; instead he replaced the flat tyre with a stepney, the only one present. He took the flat tyre with him and said he will get it fixed.

Ten days went by; I hadn’t been to the shop to pick it up. Busy…. I really do not know what busy means these days. I know it is different for different people. Clearly, if I look back, I should have picked it up. I was lazy…. Let’s face it.

“My uncle was undergoing an operation at St.Johns hospital. My mom wanted to see how he was doing. That evening I came home early so that we could go. It was 730 pm and we were on our way to the hospital, suddenly there was a feeling of imbalance which I sensed. I thought the roads were bumpy, but it wasn’t and I stopped the car on the side.

The rear left tyre was flat. I was livid for a moment, say few seconds. Reality does bite hard. It bites me soon enough at times to calm me down quickly.

Luckily, few meters ahead, I saw a puncture shop. Since, there was no stepney, the tyre had to be fixed and it was courtesy of a long nail, the tyre was punctured. Two tiny holes were enough to get the tyre flat. He fixed it.”

We could manage to meet our uncle, although he wasn’t in a position to recognize us.
Such situations cannot be explained …. It has to be experienced … one can just empathize.

On our way back, it was 1030 in the night. I could sense a similar vibration and to my guess it was right, a flat tyre. Again!!!

I expected front left tyre but to my surprise it was the same tyre that got its attention few hours back. Turn left, it was a puncture shop.

He had some latest mechanical tools that could fix this problem in very less time.

I realized, how lucky I was. “Tomorrow is a big day, I have to drive long distance, what if something happens and I am stuck in middle of now where with no stepney”, wondered I.

Karma surely ensured I wasn’t punished for my laziness. I learnt an important lesson, not to ignore certain things that seem so unimportant from outside.

The previous guy failed to sense there was another tiny hole, tiniest of holes.

The tyre was fixed by the new guy. Off we went.

The next day, I wasn’t left with much option. I had to rush to my customer early. I was cautious about my driving. Two days later, I got my stepney back. It was a relief.

Lessons come through actions; they are learnt more through our own mistakes than wisdom.

I do not know, how well I would have learnt from this, but I thought this was something which I could share.

"Out of my Instinct Zone"

Few things in life must not be changed, yes I indeed agree with it, unless the replacements are worth for a change.

An instinct each one possesses is a unique strength that demarcates individuals, their decision-making abilities and choice making.

To me personally, I have always trusted my instincts to take control over most situations. It’s not a maxim that I have set; in my brain. It’s a routine or one can say a mundane activity that controls most (99%) of the decisions wherein I do not have to think so much. It’s more in-built.

While on work or doing something different, requires fair amount of new ideas, Can I rely upon my instincts? Well, this question was asked and I did find a solution that seems apt so far.

When one makes decisions we back our experience, expertise and other’s experience. We look into prevailing situations and then end up taking a decision. Before executing, sometimes, I have encountered two possibilities.

One that is defined by logic; wherein one can come to some conclusion with the events that have taken place. This seems to be the best possible solution because it can be backed by certain data or events that have occurred previously. It doesn’t leave much scope for ifs, but’s and eliminates most of the uncertainties.

On the other hand, I have this personality called ‘Mr. Instinct’ who has this sense for the changes that are likely to happen in the future. The logic is very ill logical in this case and it simply doesn’t have a set pattern to explain the unfolding of the events.

Most of my struggles in life were to convince my mind, which takes sound decisions based on facts. Where as instincts, which creates its own route map, tries to convince me to take a decision based on his ill defined logic. But it works trust me.

Dare I say, very rarely I have gone against my instincts. I am indeed fortunate to have a mind and an instinct and their theories to agree to disagree. They agree on most terms and other times, one eventually compromises saying I had made a wrong decision and ends up supporting the other decision.

For the first time, in my life, I have taken a decision that is in direct conflict with my instincts. Now, instincts aren’t behaving the same way. It is indicating the past events and the present situations to keep me reminded about my decision.

If I am unsure, I let time do the talking. I wanted time for making an important decision in my life. I know it could have been a straightforward decision for the state of mind I was.

Finally after weeks on self – assessment, I came to conclusion. I am not backing my instincts.

I am backing my beliefs and my theory towards life. These are logical.

Wait a minute – “you just can’t take decisions without convincing me, hey look, I understand I have difference in views but convince me first and then go ahead with your decision” – Instinct in a repulsive mood.

This made me think a bit more…. C’mon after all someone’s asking me something and I should give. If instinct is asking me to think over again, then I must.

After few days, Fine, Mr. Instinct, I am again going against you. I know it hurts or say it will hurt me in the future for having gone against you or for having expressed my inability to convince you, but I am sure you will be there to support me in other things apart from this. This will be a nice change for both of us.

What made me go against my instincts??

I always believed, in order to attain a greater sense of achievement in life, its not what you conquer, its not what you did, its how you did.

I have few beliefs, which I have acquired as a result of living this life, watching, traveling, reading and by having conversations.

“One must always give another chance, I know it might not work out, but I am not going to lose anything because the equilibrium of karma puts it this way, when you are gaining something, you are bound to lose. Unless we do not experience we cannot say what we gained or lost, we can just have an idea, although one cannot fathom it.” – First reason


“I always told my friends if you want something in life, go ask for it. You will at least get clarity in terms of response you get. So, if you want something from someone, go ask for it. At times, life is too short to play mind and understanding games, one need to express to get what they want.” – Second Reason

Now, someone close (is it?? Asked instinct) to you comes all of a sudden and asks for something… What do you do???

This time I didn’t rely upon my instincts for memories I had. Instead I have taken this as a challenge to convince my instincts that let time heal this… I know time alone cannot heal; it’s my ability to ward off negative energies from my instincts and also the concerned person and situations. If all are in same plane or at least align in one particular direction, then future seems bright or else, I need to answer this question from a book I read….

On the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, which is considered to be highest peak in Africa, there is a carcass of a jackal on the dry snow layers at the peak. Now the question is, why would a jackal go to such an area in the first place, what made it to go such a distance?
Did it know it wouldn’t be getting any food or shelter over there? Why did it go??


I know the answer as to why it went there. Sometimes, we do sense the scent wrong. It seems foolishness for a jackal to go that far. But it just followed the scent and in the end it turned out to be the wrong scent. It followed its instincts and it failed…. Or I would like to put it this way; this so called ‘failure’ became a great example for my life.

I know Ernst Hemingway mentioned the puzzle…. But the solution to it is entirely mine or should I say interpretation based on my experience. The difference between a man and an animal is that man is capable of establishing priorities.

I might change this in the future… because I really don’t know whether I would also end up following the wrong scent of life… I really haven’t followed jackal’s life to come to a proper conclusion.
At present I can say…. I have challenged my norms and for at least one issue I am out of my instinct zone…. It’s a battle nevertheless to prove my decision right to my instincts.

Ultimately, this isn’t any wish. Being with a person I like is a goal…. a long term. This isn’t like any other unformed wish like “I want to make money, I want to win or I want to find true love”. These wishes aren’t goals as per my definition. I want to enjoy the intermediate steps associated with the goals. Analyze them, correct whenever necessary and keep moving on.

At last, this is the hardest part….. Having gone out of my instincts, I have to ensure I retain the confidence and be able to stick to whatever I have decided upon.

Edison remarked “Success is defined as 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”.

Well, I am all ready for 99% perspiration…. Unless and until I get 1 % inspiration from time to time….

From who?

It’s a million dollar question…..

The bitter taste of Orange...

The fascination of Orange… not the fruit just the pulp…was something I always cherish till date.

It wasn’t just the color or the pulp. But the soccer team of Netherlands, that caught my attention during the 1998 World Cup. Ok, I was still a Brazil fan, I still am to an extent, but none can argue my passion for the Orangee team. My friends know that…

Barring the 1988 Euro Championships, Dutch have never been able to win any major title. Too bad for a country that is second to none in the talent they have. I dare, say, even Brazil can be taken off if Dutch play to their potential.

They say if talent were alone a consideration, then you would have many successful people in this world. Test of nerves and how a team copes with adversity and the bounce back ability makes other successful teams go one touch ahead than Dutch.

Ok, there are teams like Italy (I love their defense), Argentina, Nigeria in their hey days, it’s too many teams. But for me, it’s been four teams that always catch my attention.

Dutch, Germany, Brazil and Italy – They are my pick.

Marco Van Basten would have loved to add his player’s medal, which he won in 1988 after scoring one of the best goals ever in the history.

One would like to know what’s wrong with Dutch soccer team. The legacy of Rinus Michel with his total football concept (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Football)and the genius of Johann Cryuff in the 70’s make me wonder, why they can’t jump the final hurdle to perfection. They lost in the finals of 1974 and 1978 World Cup finals. The precision of ‘Clockwork Orange’ as they were more famously known wasn’t in sync for the big games.

I would love in the future to make a case study of Dutch football… Right now, I am on Italian football history or should I term it ‘Calcio’.

Well, my disappointments make me not to script an emotional script because; I do not want to criticize Dutch for the football they play. With time, I have come to terms with their mood swings with a swing of flair and brilliance to the sheer clueless, cornered football they play.

My status message was ‘Go Orangee’ for the past one week. And they just went away. If one looks at the history, you can sense why the coach Van basten didn’t react to their loss to Russia. People, who have followed Dutch football, claim it isn’t a shock, because they can lose anytime. Also, I did get to know, people in Holland just went about their life after witnessing this loss. They have just got used to this. Hats off to them for being stoic in general and just look at the positive aspects of Dutch football.

I didn’t watch the match; I was traveling from Chennai to Bangalore. First thing I did was to check the score. Well, I don’t know…. Forget it… sometimes its better not to think…

But I end up thinking …. And rest all I say is my fascination for Dutch…. I mean for the soccer team.

Remember these titans: My pick for all time favourite Dutch team

Ronald de Boer, Frank De Boer, Jaap Staam, Edwin Van der Saar, Giovanni Bronckhurst, Marc Overmars, Rudd Van Nistelrooy, Arjen Robben, Patrick Kluivert, Clarence Seedorf, Michael reiziger, Danny Blind, Edgar Davids, Marco Van Basten, Johnny Heitiga, Ronald Koeman, Andy Van Der Myde, Frank Rijkaard, Rudd Guilt, Wesley Sneijder, Johann Cryuff, Philip Cocu and last but not the least my all time favourite Dennis Bergkemp.

Love Story - Or should i say "My Story"

Is it fair to love someone and just be happy with it?
Is it fair to love someone when you get to know the concerned person is in love with another person?
Is it fair to love someone when you are not sure the other person loves the concerned person as much as you do?

To be honest, I am not sure why I am asking these questions when I already feel that I am in love. Maybe, these questions are to see how people react when I say more about the person I am in love with.

Even if I get the answers to my above questions I don’t think I will be disturbed and at the same time I must shed my egoistic jacket when I am convinced that the other person loves the concerned more than me. I know there are two involved for the same girl. It’s really interesting.

Considering it was the same way both the guys met the concerned girl, one must give both parties a fair run.

Ok, in this case, I am late, I don’t know by how many days but I am not the first guy.
Will I be the victim of first cum first service?
Or, will justice prevail to show that you need to weigh your options before zeroing it on one?

The universal answer, “Time shall heal”. What a brilliant solution…… Unfortunately, I am way behind in terms of tolerance but at least I am improving to understand the beauty of this universal solution.

People talk about confidence and I can say my confident quotient was high when I was in love. Person irrelevant, but I always feel, loving someone increased my confidence levels and in turn my appetite. It still continues to do. I think it is same for everyone.

I have heard things like ‘Rising in love’ and ‘falling in love’. To be honest I still cannot fathom these two statements but for the fact– Rising in love is more optimistic and a fundoo statement to make than falling in love.

Does falling in love sound negative? If falling is negative when compared with rising, is falling in love a negative thing.

I was wondering, people including myself have spoken about rising to new heights, but I haven’t seen anyone talk about falling to new depths.

I have and I feel there isn’t any negativity about it. In fact, falling to new depths have made me dig deeper to make myself aware of my foundation and it has made me much stronger and now I know certain other ways to bolster my foundation.

I don’t know if I would have tasted the success by reaching the top, would my airy ego allow or say settle down on earth for a moment? It’s something I can comment only when I have climbed the ladder of my definition of success.

Loving someone isn’t a crime even when I am not getting the same love from the other.
However there are few things that needs to be under ethical check and as long as I do not cross those boundaries, I don’t see any harm in loving someone.

According to me, loving someone doesn’t mean she belongs entirely to me or she is my property. To me, loving someone is all about a feeling, a feeling inside which reminds me about my ability to love someone and not hate them. It’s about seeing the one I love being happy irrespective of how she chooses to be happy. Of course, it’s the internal happiness not the plastic happiness.

Well, people might term “one way love” being useless. True, to a certain extent depending on one’s intention and definition of what love is. In a way, ego controls most of our decisions and so do our interpretations of love.

I love her; people may call it infatuation, since it isn’t the usual mundane love story. When I do tell about my love, mostly I will be sounding like an idiot according to general public. All I say, I might sound like an idiot, but even I know what love is.

I am writing so that, I want to respect the new girl of my life. I know, chances are slim about us being together, but I won’t be disappointed either. It hurts but isn’t this the other side of joy?

I wont be taking it in a bad way if things doesn’t go as I like because I didn’t know when I fell in love and my mistake is, I didn’t ask her “Can I love you ………?”

One thing is sure, whether she will be a part of me or not, I still won’t have ill feelings about having met her and to have gone through not so pleasant moments. I like the honesty in which she put forth her status quo and that to me was something which normal human wouldn’t dare. In a way, I found a person who prefers to take things head on. She is beautiful, but it was the honesty which captured me towards her.

If I look back, I have moved on. All I can say, I couldn’t have imagined myself being in a position where in I would be able to love a girl again, at least so early after having learnt few lessons from the previous. I know love happens and for me it has happened.

The fizz might reduce after some reality check but nothing can stop me from loving her at least as a friend. Like an angel she came, reignited the lost passion in me. To my dear, I will always remember you for the role of a catalyst you played in my life. No one except me can acknowledge this. It might be crazy that I am gonna remember you always but I also know it’s completely humane to remember someone, if not one’s past.

This is me, coming out completely from an incomplete love story or should I say ‘like story’ because the girl before her was confused whether she loved me or liked me.
People eventually realize what’s best for them and move on or at least they try to move on irrespective of whether they really like to move on.

This is my story and I am only happy and thrilled to have rediscovered the touch of loving someone……………

Memoirs of my departed crush!!!

Two events last night made me to remember her…

One of them has to be my friend Archie’s blog on singers and the other one was the video I happened to see on MTV …

It brought back the memories of 1995. Till then I always listened to songs but never really had a favorite voice that I used to listen often.
Mom had many favourite singers, but for me I was just about listening to songs that pleased my ears.
I remember in 95, Anupama Verma did a video for Biddu. The song and video somehow became my favourite. I got the CD few years later as a gift for buying an audio player. Guess, I got loads of collections of pop Indian music and this album was placed right after Alisha’s “Made in India” in the gift wrap.
I wasn’t aware it was the remix version for 3 years running since 1995. I was in love with the song more than the video. I know Anupama Verma was hot that time (she looked great in last year’s Big Boss as well), but it was the voice that kept me interested. My usual funda after watching Alisha, Anaida, and other female pop singers was, Anupama Verma to have sung this song.

Till I got hold of the CD and to my surprise, it wasn’t Anupama Verma who turned out to be the singer. I didn’t know much about this singer.
I asked my brother about her, he mentioned couple of movie references… most notably Qurbani made in 1980’s starring Feroz Khan, Vinod Khanna and Zeenat Aman. Hmmm, I loved those songs and when I listened to the Qurbani album all over again, I could connect the voice.

I am talking about the Pakistani Sensation, Nazia Hasan.
Well to be honest, I never wanted to know about her life except that I was fida over her voice and especially ‘Boom Boom’ song.

I didn’t have Internet that time and even when I had an opportunity in late 90’s, searching about Nazia Hasan was not the priority considering the amount of money I was spending on Internet café.

In 2000, I had got a collector’s edition copy of Film fare that listed all the previous winners starting from 1950’s when the award was instituted.

In the archives, Nazia Hasan – 1980- Best Playback Singer, and later that day I got to know she was born in 1965. I was like wondering the whole day, she was as old as me, when she picked up the award.

Later, I saw the picture of hers, and; I was so attracted to her…. I said to myself “Man, I am sure, she is not going to go out of my memories.” She will be there, I was a big fan of her voice but now I was a big fan of her in total. You can call it crush if one wants for my fascination towards Nazia.

These are the few pics; that will last forever within me

All I had listened, was remix songs of hers barring few originals.

In 2000, came a song – sometime in May during my holidays…. I remember the song that goes this way “Aankhen Milane wala…”. I knew it was Nazia Hasan’s voice.

Sadly, few months later, I got to know she passed away. That was one of the days, wherein we had our colleges shut because of Rajkumar’s kidnapping episode and when I heard this news for the first time, I was totally shocked and I expressed my dissatisfaction to my brother, who was equally hit by this news.

She continued to live on….memories of many like me.

Sometime, in 2003, when MTV was showcasing a special program on retro music I happened to see a video of Rati Agnihothri (audio was muted because of phone conversation I was having). I just ended the phone call and what I hear, Yes, the familiar words… Boom Boom….
I was like, OMG, is this the original song? All I got was last 40-50 seconds of that song. Of course the saving grace was the movie title that appeared in the end. The movie name was” Star”.

I happened to see the video later that week. Maybe, I was destined to see because; I was so desperate to see the original video.
As soon as I got the taste of the original, out went Anupama Verma’s remix song. From that day, till date, I love the original and continue to so.

Thanks to You Tube, I can have this song – Infact, I have tried many video shops for this movie… I wasn’t lucky. Considering the money I spend on buying movie DVDs, I must admit, this, as a big failure on my part.

Today early morning after a goof up with respect to surprising one of my friends on his birthday, in turn he surprised us and that made me sit at home rather than barging our way to his house early in the morning. I was bit sad that I couldn’t wish him in personal (which I have done over past many years). Anyways, just had a laugh for what happened.

After a while, from no where, I was thinking about Nazia, and wondered, “I haven’t seen many people of my age appreciate Nazia’s talent.”
While the song ‘Boom Boom’ is playing on my player, I am giving the final touches to this, on one of the most fascinating women I have known, never mind if it wasn’t in person. Afterall she was just 35.... when she said.... Alvida....

For more info - www.naziahassan.co.uk

A serious gab while we were in the cab

On my way back home, I was asked few questions with respect to relationship and how one needs to be, in order it to be a success.
To be fair, I did not quite sail on similar lines but there was an interesting angle which she was pointing out.

While walking back, after this conversation, I did ponder over few things…….
I know there isn’t any formula (universal) for things to work.

Professionally, we have raised standards to such an extent that nowadays, professional life is making its way into our personal lives.

Professional Standards have increased, because of competition; I am not sure about personal standards even though there is no dearth of competition.

Change is essential but I am emphasizing the world evolution here. Are we evolving better emotionally from our previous generations.
This question is quite a tricky one, to prove this theory, we have to solve problems or handle problems of the past in a better way and I am sure we would all be solving it quite easily. So we have evolved to cope better.

But, what about adversity, problems, crisis etc

While puzzles are created by men, the solutions are also provided by us. In that sense, even our problems would have evolved.

We can never overtake a problem, coz once we overtake it, it ceases to exist.

We follow a problem or be par with it. So it’s relatively constant between the degree of problems and its solutions. Problems might sneak a little ahead.

In any case, those were just my thoughts….. Before having dinner

Back to the scene @ Cab

She asked:

“You knew this girl well, so your life would have been great, staying with someone whom you know well?”

I didn’t completely agree with her assessment.

Yes, it’s a comfort zone to know a person, but it isn’t always the case that one’s life will be great just because we end up marrying the girl we know. It can be made great mutually by exploring many facets of life and with exchange of information.
I believe the whole life isn’t enough to understand a person or infact to understand ourselves, so one cannot conclude this will be the way to go about in life.

She shot back another salvo at me:

“Ok, at this moment you are busy with work, surrounded by friends, meeting new people. At the end of the day, don’t you feel lonely and miss this person with whom you can share your personal space.”

Fair point, yes, I did miss at times, and I am being honest here. But one cannot continue like this. I have chosen to go ahead and accept things as they come rather than crib about the whole incident. One has to live with reality and accept them gracefully. In a way, the special person might come in the future and it’s not like we are never gonna get a partner.

She was in a mood to ask me more:

“When the new person comes, comparisons come in and one constantly keeps comparing the new one with the old one. Isn’t it tough and one will surely regret if the new one doesn’t match up. And can she fill the void?”

I don’t agree. Because looking at my life, I feel I have thrived when I was out of my comfort zone. Never felt my life was a walk in the park for a long time. I had challenges and had to fight many internal battles to concord with my principles of life. Yes temptation is there to go back to the departed soul, but when one’s instinct doesn’t want it, it doesn’t matter if the other person wants it or not. Also, I hate being regretful and mostly I avoid such situations by giving my best shot and giving others ample time to take decision. This is not fixed and it depends person to person. Unless its extreme situations, I might re-consider because I hate adamancy in such issues. In any case, I am not missing her…. One has to move on… I can’t stop here… Can I?

Well, she wasn’t gonna stop this conversation:

“Can she (new one) fill the void…?”

I feel one cannot fill the void created by a fellow human being. It’s the name that can be filled not the role. I feel my mom can act as a mother to certain people who are misfortunate to have lost their mothers. But my mom can never replace them. Similarly, each one is unique and each one has a different role to play. Smart people appreciate the presence of different people in their lives and acknowledge them for their unique brilliance rather than drawing them into a circle of their own thoughts.
I am sorry, I can pretend or all can pretend but no one can replace. If at all, replacement can happen, then, is there any value for the previous one?
Is there any value or respect for mother or god, if mothers and Gods could be replaced?
Is there any value if your best sets of people are easily replaced?
Mother is not born, she is created. A woman becomes a mother only when child is born. I know motherly feelings will be there and one need not give birth to a child to become a mother. But I hope you do understand what I am emphasizing.

In life, like mother, each one has different roles…… And I feel it is disrespect to a concerned person if she is being replaced emotionally by the other one. Instead of looking for similarity, why don’t we look at the uniqueness as long as it’s keeping us and the concerned person happy?

I look at it this way, and I continued…….

Now, I believe the whole professional set up has lot to play with our emotional values.
I was on leave for a week; a certain work was supposed to carry out, but didn’t happen due to my absence. My boss wasn’t unhappy, but felt, there needs to be a system, wherein we aren’t dependent on any individual while he is absent. Every work must happen irrespective of the concerned person is present or not.

Fair enough, after all its business and its good for one’s ego to know, I am important.
But professionally, I agree, dependency will ruin the progress and stall the growth of a company. Hence a company must never depend on individuals and rather depend on a system.

Unfortunately, like humans aren’t perfect, Will the human created systems be perfect?

I continued,

Will it stall our growth personally when we depend on someone? Can there be a system wherein you can replace the people one is missing?

She was waiting for me to give the answer for this question.

… I feel facing the harsh realities of missing someone and how one overcomes it, is the definition of life. At least, I love it that way and I have learnt to live better that way. Life isn’t always living with people whom we know; it is also a platform in which we are fortunate to know the people unfamiliar to us. This gives me a chance to acknowledge many people whom I have known and their different methods of leading their life.

It is this journey that one needs to enjoy and keep going forward. It is this story of one’s journey which can awake the somniferous people and de-motivate others.

After all, it is a matter of choice. Although, we weren’t given a choice of our birth location, status, colour, race etc. But we are given choices to undo things or do things that one wants.

“Hey, I would love to continue this topic with you….. “- Her stop had come

She got down….

Few minutes later, I got down….

As I reached home, I did realize two things. Life is full of tautologies and contradictions.

And please, I stressed to myself; do not mix one’s professional life with one’s personal life. The standards and expectations are quite different.

Remember Street Hawk??

Back in 2006, Anu and myself had the privilege of hosting a quiz to select the best team in college. Its called ‘Funda-mental’.

Any fact, which was appreciated, would just be acknowledged as ‘fundae’ with a generous clap. Being a part of RV QuizCorp and its rich tradition, was just one of my dreams. It did come true.

Ask any quizzer when he sets the questions, all he wants is his questions to be appreciated, never mind it being cracked by the junta. And he must be able to keep the audience involved.

My favourite topic was Sports, Entertainment (remove some rock music) and India. I didnt mind myself being binged with facts that came my way. There was alacrity to know more in the avenues, which I was good at. Along the way, this also became a great way to burgeon my quest for knowing more facts across the world.

When I was conducting a quiz, all I wanted in return was a clap from the junta and appreciate the questions or so called ‘fundas’. This was the ultimate reward not just for me but also for all my fellow quizzers.

To come back to the history of QuizCorp, I just don’t have much to say. Lots of legends have come and conquered in RV College and all across India with sheer ruthlessness and at the same time made quizzing look more interesting and more enjoyable. (http://www.rvquizcorp.com/)

In 2004, I participated in my first fundamental. Myself, Viren and Keith after a 16 round marathon quizzing finished second overall. (It was a surprise; big occasions always brought the best in me). It was indeed a big thing as there were many good quizzers around us. At times, I always felt, it was in me to step up or step down in company with my teammates. To be frank, I was never good at solo quizzing except for sports.

Team spirit brings the best in me in terms of cracking the fundas.

The tradition was: The winner’s of fundamental get to host the next edition. Sadly, for 2 years after 2004 it never happened.

So I thought, maybe I will start this thing again. Anu was more than happy for this. To me, he is the best quizzer I have seen. I have seen a lot of seniors who come close to him or probably are ahead of him in some respects, but in what I have seen, never I have witnessed the sheer ruthlessness he exhibits when it comes to solo quizzing and any quiz for that matter. (He used to crib about Sports and India at times but most times he got it right whenever required)

Coming back to the pivotal point - Since kid, bikes fascinated me and I was cloyed with bike shows that came on TV. One happens to be Street Hawk starring Rex Smith.

It started in 1985, but my memory clearly points to late 1992 till 1993 when I was watching this show on Doordarshan. It was on Saturdays @ 930 pm, no matter what, I never missed this show.

Sadly this show ran for 13 episodes only. One of the reasons can be pointed to David Hasselholf’s convoluted machine called ‘Knight Rider’, the one that could talk.

To be frank, that show never appealed me and for me Street Hawk is way above Knight Rider.

While setting any quiz, I make sure I dedicate my favourite people, team or anything in some way or the other. I wanted a question on Street Hawk for this edition of fundamental. I had the photos of the designs of the bike, but I knew deep down this would be ‘arbit’ (too vague to crack).

One of the highlights of Street Hawk was its intro, which always stayed in mind. There it was, one I wanted to put it.

I played this to Anu; he was like Man, where did you get this…

There you go, I knew this question would be a hit. More importantly, I wanted to bring back the lost memories of this great show among the junta.

Very few cracked, but all appreciated this question.

Appropriately, this Quiz was titled 'Dedications' - Dedication to all the Quiz Corpers

That day (12th Sep, 2006), Anu started downloading this show from Bit Lord. Its 7 and half GB. He tried for a year until his comp gave up last month when he had to change his entire system.

I know, he wanted to present the entire show as my birthday gift; at least that’s what he claims. Never mind, I am going to buy this DVD and this will be placed in my collectibles.

Just to end, check out the video and of course the theme for this, which still continues to be my track when I want to get ready for bigger and greater challenges ahead.

The theme is by Tangerine Dream.

Survivor

It was not the same day compared with others recently, as I reflected upon few things. Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind towards some resolution, which it may never find… I read these lines in a book…

Things have changed to an extent that Karma has started inspiring certain people. I am a great believer of the fact that, one has its own destiny and Karma is truly what I believe in.

Situations encountered over past few months where in I am not allowing the so-called other’s to enter and at times when ever opportunity presents, I panicked and I fled. Because in almost liking someone else I felt disloyal to the only one so far I ever loved.

But with time, I did realize, how much longer could I live this way, forever on my guard lest human feelings catch me unaware?

Freud-himself- once said that for the little things in life we should, of course, react according to our reason.

But for really big decisions, we should heed what our unconscious tells us.
Well not every time.

With time, I have tried many things so far, just to confront as to who I am.

I was wondering, what life would have been if certain things didn’t change? All I say, even I would have been alive.

At times, I am agog with the way things are in life. Also, I feel lonely at times, but there is something that keeps me going.

Maybe it is some sort of inspiration from few friends. And how they overcame the asperity thrown to them. Or it might be lyrics of my favourite songs and or certain pod casts that I have kept for myself when I get bugged. Books help a lot, movies too and trust me talking to people also does. There are many sources for inspiration.

But I like to challenge myself to overcome on my own fighting it out within.
At times, its ambulatory, eventually things do pick up very quickly.

In Pursuit of self-found happiness, I ensure I am not bedizened with false optimism.

Early Morning, or late in the night, I was always fascinated with the thought of everyone being a survivor in this world. Somehow, people survive. Whether we like it or hate it, they just survive.

With some maxims (not the one’s I collect) people tend to move irrespective of the direction.

I might be young, callow in most things, but I am getting an opportunity in life to cross off many things.

Past one year, life has made me to float with confidence and it has also made me come down. It’s just that, my understanding to these subtle changes has become microscopic through my own eyes and inner voice.

These words hit me most of the time…I mean inspire…

Risin' up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Face to face, out in the heat Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

Risin' up, straight to the top Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

I agree the rival is within me and no one else. External rivals are so superficial. That’s just to spice up this life game.

The below video is of course that of my idol, Rocky Balboa and how challenges keep coming at him when in fact he is enjoying his life. Champions are tested all the time, in that sense, I wouldn’t mind being tested at all rather than resting on my laurels.

The song- Of course by Survivor

The First Anniversary

Its one year.

I would love to say that, time flew. On this occasion, i would like to dedicate few things which kept me motivated to write about certain adventures which i experienced and to my friends who commented on my writings.

Yesterday, i happened to meet my friend Saagar's mother. Somewhere during our conversation, this blog thing came up. When i showed her my blog, i realised, my first writing was posted on 12th of Jan, one year back.



Origins:

Till Early Jan 2007

This blog was as a result of impulsive talks and hearings that i used to have along with my few friends. I knew i had something to say, not necessarily the best thing, but i had something. I got lot of things to hear about their experience and adventures.

My bro Anil, had flew from States for a quick vacation. We have conversations on gamut topics and suddenly one day, he told me a story about a person and him writing about what he feels.

I told him, 'i do that'.

In public, on the net? , he asked.

'Here's the point, its good to express things on a wider scale. Somewhere in the future, it will be a very good indicator about one;s journey in this life and things experienced.

I was writing in a diary, few days later decided to start writing on the net.

I was worried about the content and the audience i am catering to.

Well, this is not a commercial medium, atleast for time being. This medium should serve as a catalyst to express things according to my perspective.



The Metamorphosis:

Slowly, i liked sharing my adventures, my challenges, my shortcomings and how i overcame.

I do claim, it is semi-autobiographical, inspiration from my fictional heroes, and not to forget the people whom i have met so far were the main elements on this blog.

Well, special thanks to my mates who took some time off and happen to read this blog.

I feel in the end, this blog is an interpretation of life from my eyes and other sense organs. Liberties were taken, and all i achieved was to satisfy certain things within me.

Tough thing is to satisfy oneself, i did realise this.

I have changed, during this course of my blogging. And will continue to.

Change for good? C'mon give me a break, afterall, life's just an adventure and as long as the self conscious is in feel good terms, does it matter defining what good or bad is?

Till next time,

The Fear Factor!!!

Last week, mundanity returned as I started my journey (I love to call this 2km walk early morning as journey) after a long hiatus. My scheduled journey was interrupted by my travel visits to Goa, Kolkata and Chennai thrice. The wanderlust bug always coincided with my morning walks.

The weather is getting chill, as we approach the mid winter, but still that doesn’t hinder me to get out of my house at around 3 50 early mornings.
Usually, I take the main roads but the shortest route to my stop involves a narrow lane.

I have heard stories in various parts of Bangalore about dog menace. Since I love this shift timing when compared to ‘general shift’, I don’t mind waking up early.

There are reasons which motivate me to get up early. First thing would be, ‘I am a loser if I do not get up, Let what people thing about me being zany, but to me, I would be one loser and ultimately, if I don’t live up to my expectations, does it matter satisfying others in the long run?

I like taking weird routes at times, early mornings provide me an opportunity to walk in dead silence. Since, my house is on the main road, silence is premium which we hardly get. So it’s a good thing to walk through the mist, albeit cool breeze can sometimes be too tough to handle. Nevertheless, we are humans and we have evolved and adapted to various conditions, so more exposure, we shall be alright.

I prefer talking during the next few minutes about how I want my life to go. It makes sense to me to hear what I say since no one around me is making noise. If I am bugging myself, I simply count the steps I take and I ensure over the week, I would have reached a constant number while counting. This is just to ensure how concentrated I am for a particular task when gamut topics and issues are competing to finish ahead in the brain marathon.

I am awake when the whole world is sleeping, % wise, I am correct with this statement. I am walking when others are tired or just about enjoying their sleep. I am getting a chance to utilize this morning to make suitable changes in my life and be better at things which I believed was good previously. I am getting a chance to utilize these early hours to my advantage and finish things which in turn makes me feel as though I have gained time on others.

Ok, enough of me being explicit on why I like early mornings.

The fear element is there, at times, in the past I have chosen different roads to reach since the road ahead were patrolled by dogs occasionally.

I fiddled around four different ways before settling on to the least risk path. Mind you, I was scared one day when group of dogs were just barking as though they haven’t opened their mouth in a long time.

It reached a point wherein the least risk path was also getting affected. Now I loved this road and route. So one day I decided, ‘Its karma’, if I am suppose to be bitten by a dog, I cannot avoid. Slowly I started walking past them, goose bumps all over my body as I went passed them.

Woof, what a relief. The other side of fear is freedom.

Last week, a ferocious dog, just one, was barking and staring at me simultaneously. It was scary. Two seconds, I decided to walk straight without bothering what it might do.

It started barking more, but I was marching ahead without looking at it.

Barking intensity increased but I could notice, it was moving backwards and barking.

Now, I was looking at the dog and approaching it, it was moving backwards and barking. It stopped finally and ran away, stopped and as I went past it, it didn’t do anything.

Am I lucky??? You can club me into that category.

But I would like to look at it this way.

The rest of my walk was more on thinking as to why dog behaved this way.

‘Fear was – Being bitten by the dog.’

Last year, fear was, climbing Mount Abu but I overcame it by facing that fear of losing than avoiding it.

To be frank, I faced fear and started walking towards it. Now all I can think of is,

Exposing to the unknown. I always felt, I feared when I encountered a new situation and fear element was as a result of many uncertainties involved pertaining to what if this new thing goes wrong.

Now, same applied to the dog, when dog barks, normal reaction would be to back off and go backwards or runaway fearing dog bites. Now, this is what a dog expects.

I did completely opposite and to my surprise, I saw dog moving backwards and eventually ceased its ferocity as I kept marching. It was exposed to a zone of uncertainty and hence fear element would creep, so it was confused as to what needs to be done, and by the time it decides, I was through……….

So, in a way, this did give me to understand what ‘Walking towards fear rather than away’ actually meant.

It’s a nice story isn’t it? The one in which I emerged victorious. Things could have been different if dog would have behaved badly or I encountering a mad dog.

But, I always feel, as a student of life, one needs to look at it in all respects, so this time I was convinced ‘You can walk towards your fears and emerge triumphant’. Next time, it may or it may not. But I am happy that I did something different than last time and it worked.

I got reminded of a quote from Anne Frank:
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”

Well, this was just an experience I wanted to share as to how I experimented with my life when same situation encountered. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

Ok, my journey to work is about 90 minutes which is enough for me to catch up on sleep to and fro which makes me sleep at the same time others or in general majority of people choose to sleep.

So what can happen to me tomorrow????

Let’s put it this way….. I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today and never been in such deep love.

It will take some time to pull off those lines in full conviction, but effort has to be made and what better day than today and the best time would be now……….