The Stick Game!!! Chak De

I am writing this as a fond memory of a person who was instrumental in me picking up a game which I wasn’t aware at that time (1991-92), although it was short lived.

Meet, Dr. KrishnaSwamy, a highly respected doctor, who was revered for his skills as a doctor in Chintamani, Kolar district. He retired and spent later part of his life with each of his son’s place. (3 to 6 months on a shift basis).

To me, he was known as a person whom I heard my cousins calling him ‘Doctor Thatha (Dr. Grandpa)’. This was how I knew him when I was barely 3 years old. Since, I do not remember much time spending with him till I reached 7 years; I am unable to recall any sort of interaction with him prior to this.

It was 1991 and towards the end of the year, I vividly remember, he was staying at our place. By this time, I was famous or say infamous at times for my antics both at home and everywhere my parents took me along. Dennis the Menace, my nickname and co-incidentally Dennis is also the name of one of my sporting idols (Dennis Bergkemp from Netherlands).

Flash Back 1991-92:
Early morning, I used to wake up. My grandpa would be chatting with my mom. He used to be a helping hand to my mom, making her task a bit easy by cutting the vegetables and catering other needs. He just loved doing all such things especially pertaining to kitchen stuff.
I fondly remember, one day, unwittingly I asked him; ‘I am 7 years, how old are you?’
I didn’t get an answer, he just replied, I am too old. I didn’t question him further.

He wasn’t the urbane sort of doctors I had seen previously. Doctors to me were the people who were associated with syringes, vitriolic tablets; which my mom used to crush and dissolve it in hot water for appeasing me whenever I refused to swallow a tablet.

I never believed the fact that he was a doctor. He never dressed up like one and never had a clinic. Although, I did see him go to our neighbour’s house now and then and do a routine check up, mainly through words and at times by prescribing few medicines.

He was bald, had a charming face, and used to smile very often. Never, I saw him get depressed either with his age related problems or any other issues. He was vivacious and that helped me because I never liked people who were idle and morose. I wanted everyone to play alongside me or at least allow me to play my pranks.

555 was his brand which I wasn’t aware till I caught him once in the restroom and asked him, what’s this smoke doing here and why it is smelling bad and vitiating our restroom ???
He was embarrassed and later my dad told me, it’s same as what your uncles do. That was it, I mean, it was an explanation for what we call ‘smoking’ and somehow I wasn’t curious ever after in my life to find out what exactly it was or how it tasted.

One thing I was fascinated about my grandpa was the way he used to feed me right after I returned from school. He used to make a glass of hot milk for me, it had boost in it. I used to love boost because it was associated with cricketers. I am not sure, whether Sachin used to endorse it in 1991, but I am sure after 1992 World Cup, Kapil Dev and Sachin did endorse the brand.

Later, I had a penchant to the taste of Bournvita powder compared to boost; hence I stopped drinking boost, instead started eating lots of Bournvita powder for which my teeth used to be coated with brown powder and my mom and dad used to blast me.
Till the age of 15, I was addicted to eat Bournvita powder.

My grandpa hated me for one reason. I used to run away with his walking stick whenever he wasn’t using. Be it while he was at our neighbour’s place or at our place, he was always being vexed by me and especially when I used to snatch his walking stick in front of him.

He used to shout and I knew, it was momentarily, because he wasn’t vindictive in his approach, not even complaining to my parents. But whenever I did this in front of my parents, my mom used to give me a glare but my dad never said anything.

Now what was in this stick that made me go crazy over it? I was a fervent follower of sports, mainly cricket and tennis at that time.
I had my cricket bat but I used to use this stick to imitate an innings of a cricketer when he had scored big runs, replicating shot by shot, giving commentary to myself, (it had similar words those used by the commentators) and used to enjoy vicariously what a cricketer went through.

Sometime, after 1992 Cricket World Cup, I read a funny name in one of the sports columns of Deccan Herald. In local language his last name sounded funny. ‘Pillay’ and I used to call many people as Chota Pillay (small dwarf). I was 8 years and look at me; I used to call my peers by this name.

He played a game, what I called as ‘stick game’. And believe it or not, the hockey stick resembled my grandpa’s walking stick.

After a yearning Cricket World Cup for the Indian team and us having to watch others play, Olympics was something which everyone were looking for. I was sad not to see India in the 1992 World Cup finals, but cricket was my priority and religion, so it didn’t matter at all.

After getting impressed with the game of hockey, I used his stick to play hockey in our house compound. Using tennis ball, I used to dribble and scored goals with wall being the goal post.

I never played this sport outside our compound because, only I had the stick and not even a single friend had a grandpa who used walking sticks. Quite healthy those grandpas I must admit. Mind you, it wasn’t easy at that time to buy a hockey stick because; we had just bought a cricket kit and my parents and my friend’s parents didn’t agree when we asked for a hockey stick.

So hockey happened to be a solo sport for me.
But, crazy that I was, few months later when we bought cricket wickets, we used that to play hockey.

My grandpa’s hockey stick, I mean, walking stick served my so called ‘an insane’ ambition of playing hockey.

This routine of stealing his stick continued for months.

Oct, 1992. A grand party was arranged at our terrace. All possible cousins and relatives gathered on this occasion. The occasion was: ‘Grandpa’s birthday’.
On top of the chocolate cake, these words were creamed –‘Grand Dad 82’. The party was organized by my father and my paternal uncles.
“My grandpa is 82 years”, wondered I.

Instant ramification of the party was to see my grandpa being shifted to one of my uncle’s house. Although, it was very close to our house, I could sense a void of him not being there. Of course, it wasn’t just for the stick, but I really missed him.

Four months later, in Feb, 1993, he passed away at our uncle’s place while my mom was feeding him with a glass of water. He was diabetic and hence the heart attack he suffered didn’t come to our notice. I was at home sleeping when he departed.
Next day, it was just hard to believe that he was no more. I had seen people die in the movies, but, to me, this was the first time I ever had to witness the lamenting situation.
Being a grandson, I was made to do some rituals, just like my other cousins performed.

The stick was burnt along with his body and except for few photos and memories; there aren’t any vestiges of him left with me.

Some years back, I did find few letters which he had written to my mom while he was at our uncle’s place. He used to mention my mom as ‘DIL’ (Daughter-in-law) in short, while he wrote his daily routine and other things.

I haven’t seen the movie, ‘Chak De India’ till date. I haven’t seen full promos of the movie till date. All I have heard is, it resembles the life story of Mir Ranjan Negi, former Indian hockey player, it’s a good movie and Preethi Sabarwhal played by Segarika Ghatge is hot.

But the whole notion of the movie being based on our national game brought back those days when I used to snatch the walking stick from my grandpa.

In hindsight, I feel, I would have enjoyed a lot more talking many things about life with him if he were to be around today.
Rather than cribbing about him not being there, I was at least destined to have met him even if it was for a short time.

I never played hockey from past 13-14 years, because it never suited my fellow mates, also, we enjoyed cricket, soccer, tennis and baseball more than hockey.

I hope the trend changes and soon we see hockey reach the heights once again and add more Olympic gold medals with 8 already being won (World record – 6 in a row from 1928 Amsterdam to 1956 Melbourne). The last one was at Moscow in 1980.

This is to my grandpa and his wonderful walking stick. Hope grandpa’s walking sticks can do wonders to reignite the passion of hockey which is at its nadir at the moment.

Love Story - My Way

There are events which are not certain. When that uncertainty surfaces on our life, things shall not be the same. For a moment, many things we encounter tend to obfuscate us.
Past experiences will help at times to see through the situation or else we need to experience it for the first time.
Many things will be fresh and it is what one learns out of it and uses it effectively next time around, the individuals stand out.
The situation will precipice on the mind. One such situation is to decide about parting ways.

It is really confounding to take a decision when to part and more importantly whom to part with. Being humans, we are controlled by several motives. Ultimately it boils down to personal ethics and personal benefits. Benefits can come through ethics but it is subjective.

To me, truth is much bigger than what we see, hear or experience. What we get is just part of it.

I recently read “Love Story” by Eric Segal. For me the novel’s quote inspired me to read this book.

The word ‘Preppie’ used by the lover girl to call her lover boy gives me Goosebumps.

I hear things must be done this way, that way. Similarly I have heard many times as to how a relationship must work. At times, one shall get good advice but to generalize all situations to one is highly preposterous.

Like I said, we tend to generalize with what we call as reality and this reality is relative and can rise to many opinions which all might sound logical but it might not be the right key.

The book shows the narrator and hero Oliver IV being obnoxious when it came to his dad (Oliver III) and his behavior. It just showcased an over wrought individual having walked under the glory of his father all through his life.

Never really a sincere effort was made to reconcile his differences with his dad.

A girl named Jennifer came into Oliver’s life. He was rich and she was poor.

He claimed that she wasn’t that great looking and she just replied “I know. But can I help it if you think so?”

It was more than just physical attraction. Complete opposites but still they didn’t require some sort of occult to make them get attracted and fall in love.

The next question after love sows its seeds in their hearts. She wasn’t really sure whether the relationship would work because of her background.

He was serious and he did leave his parents for her.
This is how the story proceeds further. I don’t want it to be continued here.

Rather I would appreciate the quote which made me read this book.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry”.

For most things I would agree with this because love can come only when we accept each other the way we are. At times, things won’t be perfect and we tend to be prone to errors. Hence, if sorry could reverse the aftermath of a decision then the ‘sorry’ word will be equivalent to a dose of panacea.

But since yesterday, I started to wonder the other side of this quote.
I was made to think
“Hey, what do I mean love means never having to say your sorry?"

“Love means being able to say your sorry when you have hurt the person you love so much... and being able to forgive.....”

We are emotionally fixed to certain limits. Hence the word sorry can soothe the disturbed souls.

To me, the above two quotes summed up the pristinely words ‘love and relationship’. In a way, both are different sides of a same coin.

Also, love need not be the only thing which can bind two people. There are many factors associated with it. Just like a dish is made up of many ingredients which contribute to its good taste, similarly a good relationship is not based only on love.

To me, Only Love is not enough.

Regarding the sorry thingies, apology comes and even the concerned is forgiven. It was love which made one apologize and it was the same reciprocation of love the one was forgiven.

I don’t know whether this line holds good- We meet to part and part to meet. Maybe our paths meet some day.

And who said the feelings for the special one you love is perpetual?

It can; but to me,

“It takes someone very special to help you forget someone very special.”

Till we discover that very special it will be a little tough to forget someone very special.

“Thanks Ollie” was her last words.

She wasn’t to be a part of his life for a long time but she did play a role in binding the uncouth differences a son had of his father. At least they ended up being together.

Life isn’t that cruel after all. From what I have learnt, each one has to fight his/her own battles.

To end

He will be asking these questions for some time:

"What can you say about a twenty three old girl who died and wasn’t part of me? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved music, candles, books, power, public affection and me???"

MEET GANDHI- THE FATHER OF OUR NATION

Its Independence Day, 60 years, calls in for a celebration. I felt, looking at the media, our commercial ventures made the Independence Day lose its tactile sensitivity. It is great to see many different ads coming out; I feel, its India as a country have our own tenet when it comes to celebrating any occasion.

Today morning, a friend of mine was writing an article on India and she seemed to be very passionate about it. She wanted to underscore the fact, the beauty of India and I am sure it will be a good reading. I felt, “Chalo, even I shall share few of my adventures associated with Indian Independence with the same verve as she is”.

Last year, some time in July, I selected few places of my own volition. First stop was Ahemadabad. There was a reason to meet one of my good friends, Rachita, who was working out there. Well, first signs of her stay at Gujarat weren’t encouraging. She was accompanied by her mother, but they both didn’t seem to enjoy the visage of that particular environment. In a way, it is tough on us to be leaving our comfort zone (home) to some other place. I guess, at times one shall be wallowed with circumstances when there aren’t many choices given.

I reached the place and first thing I did was to book a hotel room for myself. The weather was not dry and was cloudy. It was that time of the season where monsoon was expected any moment. I never set my heart on myself while traveling, I keep reminding that I have got too much wanderlust at times and hence I allow my mind to control most of the situations. I did meet Rachita and her mom. In a way, they were happy to see me being there when there aren’t familiar faces around. They were staying at company’s guest house until she found herself a house to stay.

THE DRAWING ROOM OF THE GUEST HOUSE

First day was spent in me spending most of my time with them. Rachita wasn’t feeling well for some days. I and her mom went out in search of a house. We did meet quite a few agents and lots of houses. We weren’t quite happy with what we saw. In a way getting a house which aunt and Rachita wanted seemed very tenuous, but never did they or even I lose any hope.

On my way back, next to my hotel, there was a theater. I am fond of movies and I just went in to watch “Omkara”. I paid 20 bucks for this and got a good deal with the seating as well. I did realize the entertainment taxes out here in Bangalore were too much. I guess that goes the same ways with any inter state movies.

Day 2: Wanted to visit places. I was sure this place was close. Took the rickshaw and out I went.

Sabramati Ashram it was………

To be frank, I was always fascinated with the way, Gandhi worked out his ways. Be it, via Ben Kingseley in the movie ‘Gandhi’ or his experiments with truth, he some how epitomized a man who is not just known for his tonsure.

Previously, I knew Gandhi only through movies and literature. As I walked into this tract of infinite wisdom, I was astonished to see and hear many facts about his life.

The ambience was refreshing and the first thing I did was to enter the museum, which had many of his writings along with his photographs.

One by one as it flickered, I was in alacrity to know the reason for him being transcendent and set an example of being truculent by imbibing the concept of ahimsa.

Many of the portraits explained the transports of people and Gandhi in particular for a common purpose. Being Independent; free of being held in thrall by the British.

ONE OF THE SET OF PHOTOGRAPHS BEING DISPLAYED AT THE MUSEUM

By looking at the photographs and the events depicted, I was being vicarious with the events.
The vision of Gandhi was clear, to turn the barren administration into a verdant.
His veneer appearance spoke more than his abstinence practices. He had principles and he followed it vehemently. Few would argue or doubt his principles, but, he had a vision and a dream, he sensed to negate the ever growing vex among his fellow countrymen, ahimsa was the way to go. He never veered with his principles even at the time of adversity. It spoke volumes of a man, who stood by what he thought was veracious.

It was time, to give back the voyeur British Government to stop impaling Indians (as we proudly say it) with their illogical, adamant and more importantly egoistic practices at times.

Like, we say, British did a lot of things which were responsible for the uproar. Spreading English education by Sir William Bentick and encouraging Indians to take part in civil services were precedent for self awakening for souls.

It was at times, the vitriolic and virulent attitude of certain officers made us realize, it was high time we needed our land to be ruled by our leaders, not aliens.

I don’t want to go back into history, but would like to share the vignette I have or rather I saw out there at ashram.

It was his sheer dedication and determination that saw British wane out eventually.

Well, Gandhi didn’t become a leader, he was made to lead. Not only he led because people had faith in him, he had faith in himself and his abilities to take on the unbridled opposition.

However, there were people who were in opposition to what he believed in. But, instead of blaming each other, we must acknowledge the best of all the worlds, because, everyone had a common goal.

A nation boasting people who are religious, moral, unsavory, fearless, timorous etc

There are possibilities of conflicts of principles and interests. But in this case, it was only principles because the interest was same. All had a common interest.

At last, the Gandhian principles prevailed and he turned out to be the main catalyst for our freedom. So he was our Father of the Nation. If Bose would have survived and got us the freedom through his principles, he would have been bestowed with the above title.

Ultimately, it is all about being survival of the fittest, Gandhi just proved, he need not be physically fit, his taut principles and the tensile strength of it were indeed very fit.

Even now, his idealisms, doesn’t seem to be uncouth, it’s just that we need courage to follow it. One has to be tendentious and then follow it up. Gandhi’s idealisms were accepted at that time, because, we were short of ideas and we just accepted it because it worked for us. So in theory, situation is very different now. We need to use these idealisms to fight within rather than people.

Also, people wanted and waited to hear at that time, and it isn’t same, although people want to hear, but, do they have time to wait?

And by the time, I reached the end of portrait section, I did realize, being independent doesn’t mean staying away or not being dependent on others, Independent means, unclogging our self with the ailments we carry through out the day. So freedom in actual sense means to free our self from the prison of our thoughts which inhibits our movements. This could bring a degree of tempestuous situations at times within us, but it is better to tarry decisions than to end up being tawdry.

Sometimes, we need to carry the necessary unguent to the sore mental muscles. That comes with wisdom. Gandhi, in his veracity expressed the need to read literature and to be aware of the world that takes us a step closer to being independent.

If, independent means to be not being dependent, then wisdom helps us to be aware of situations and hence less dependent on others. Serve the food you like, buffet is ready.

But, it is better to enjoy the best of all worlds at our disposal than criticize being drawn to comparison. Although, if comparison is what that brings in the money for others, let it be at professional life than taking it to our personal lives.

Towards the end of the portrait section, a portrait of his funeral is displayed. Nearly three lakh people gathered on that day.

THE NEWSPAPERS ALL OVER THE WORLD COVERING GANDHI'S DEATH

THE DEATH BED

THE FINAL RITES

He wore the robe of verisimilitude. His deeds are indeed highly venerable from all places across the world.

After a while, I visited his home, Hriday Kunj. A familiar sight of a Gandhian sat there. I asked him about the history of this place, he explained in a detailed manner. He did mix his Hindi with Gujarati; I was being unimpeachable and didn’t show any signs of not understanding when he spoke in Gujarati. But I could sense, what it meant.

HRIDAY KUNJ

I entered the place, it was refreshing. One could forget all the venial thoughts. Except for his room, all other rooms were accessible. Although, one could get a glance of how his room looked like.

THE MAIN DOOR OF THE HOUSE

KASTURBA GANDHI'S ROOM ENTRANCE

GANDHI"S ROOM ENTRANCE

THE PLACE WHERE GANDHI SPENT MOST OF HIS TIME- HIS ROOM- PHOTO TAKEN FROM LITTLE OPENING

And after this, I could see the sad sight of River Sabramati. It was polluted and dry. Thankfully, Government is restoring the river through one of its projects.

Forecast was rain showers on that day, but even the weather gods couldn’t vitiate my visit to this ashram.

At the end of the day, I could summarize his principles in this way. V for Verity and not Vendetta.

In a way, whenever I behave in a waggish manner, never I realized what went before me. Did people of my age at that time enjoyed similar privileges?

The point is its not comparing our lives with that of our ancestors. It is all about learning and being progressive. Like we progressed from monkeys to humans, our thoughts must progress. It is all about creating better positions for the coming generations rather than concentrating on trifling issues.

I know our tyranny might not help us in progressing. But doesn’t the situation arise once again what our ancestors faced.

It is true, history repeats. And it is also true, one must learn from our history.

Sometimes we do dream to have many things. It is all about transmuting our dreams into actualities. The challenges faced in realizing our dreams are what we call the driving forces of Life. One could be a hero like Gandhi, Bose etc bowled by their talisman qualities.

The way our mind progresses, the problems would have reached another level as well. As proportionately, we are all in the same league as our ancestors were.

In a way, it is tantamount with the lives we live with the ways our forefathers lived. I know it has changed a lot. But, change is the only constant thing in this world.

It is not just to remember them on particular days being allotted as National Holidays.

The way they thought about us being in good positions, it would be better if we do the same by thinking of our country’s future. Oh yes, there would be a Gandhi, Bose coming out again. It is likely to be a combination of many qualities than those reminiscent of Gandhi alone or in particular any other person alone.

I managed to catch the rickshaw and headed towards the hotel. I indeed realized every idea works as long as it works and continues to work if it had worked.

I Saw Who??

Incensed by the world around me, I keep wondering as to how things can be so different, I see people living their lives in the most logical way possible and few others who expect things to happen, busy with their incantation. It’s ingrained in my mind, I meet people who are either ingenuous or people who are ingrate. I like being an inquisitor and more sort of an interloper who invades into many facets of life. I heard, thinking about oneself, is not being selfish, and, for most parts of my life, I saw this aspect being mastered only by certain people whose ideals were insuperable and insurmountable. Their interminable willpower and the ability to deal with inimical, iniquitous people and environment is something I kept wondering whether it is innate or has it been cultivated by wisdom. This is a group of intelligentsia, where academic qualification doesn’t have much say.

They lead an idyllic life, minus all the impetuous situations. They do not implore for a living and for that matter to be happy, they instead seek out or rather construct a pathway to their intellectual success. They may be impecunious, but they do not rely much on money, although they do realize, money is important, but it isn’t that important. They are impregnable to the greed of wealth in the form of money; they prefer the wealth which is indissoluble unlike money which goes through a series of incursion at times.

I was getting curious to meet any one of them who possess such remarkable skills that are incontrovertible. I was being an itinerant in the search of this spiritual Guru from whom I could imbibe certain skills.

I had to give up many things in search of this Guru, I was not sure, but I wanted to learn. So after reluctance I was inveigled in to this spiritual journey. I was inured to my house, family and other things which were ineluctable since childhood. I did leave and few miles I started walking. After few days, I was out of my indigenous place.

Few friends did drop by, to change my decision which according to them didn’t make any sense at this point of time in my life. By this time, I was imbued with the similar talks and I was beginning to immure my purpose by their advice so to say. To be frank, I was happy to find some friends who wanted me to come back, mainly they didn’t want me to go out of my comfort zone. Well, one friend just came near me and told “Forget the imbroglio out here, instead of this imposture, you go and discover yourself, I hope this journey shall incapacitate all the unnecessary bugs on your mind. You have taken a bold step, make sure you are not being imprudent on this journey and at the same time you incite with all the wonderful things around you. Things can be inclement at times, but that will only help you strengthen your will. Initially the results of your efforts will be imperceptible, but prolonging your will shall make your mind inundated with thoughts that will come in handy through out your journey”.

Won’t I be termed as a hermit if I am not with my friends? And, is it possible to retain my individuality with the inveterate group of people I end up meeting each day?

Life at times can be intractable to those who are invidious with the things and people around them. Hence they lose a chance to appreciate the other side of the coin of life. Accompanying such kind of people at times can be irksome. Some of the quibbles they have are inane to the nth order. True, it is incommodious to include them in our lives, but in no way we have rights to be invective and indict them with hatred ness. Their qualities are not irremediable and neither we are here to find a remedy for others. We are here to find remedy for our inborn illness, and no physicians or chemists have a solution for this. It is us and you for your life. People not understanding this, might lead a life which is insubstantial but I look at it this way; From other’s failures one must learn and hence if the other person enjoys committing mistakes one must learn not to make instead of subjecting ourselves to insubordination.

First and foremost we must learn to agree to disagree many aspects of life and mainly people’s behavior. People’s behaviors are irrevocable just like ours. By knowing ourselves, one can avoid being irreverent to the life we are given to lead. Through self awareness one can iridescent the qualities which will ingratiate with the people who are struggling to know themselves. Majority of the opinions are based on the actions taken by us in a similar situation. We appreciate it, if it goes on par with our thinking, we tend to inveigh the actions if we do not think in a similar way or it becomes an innovation if we do not have any idea about the actions. So basically most of us do not have any inkling as to what is happening in one’s life. One must be insightful and inter the trivial things that happen around us. One must never interdict the process of “practical intellectual learning”.

PIL, as I would describe. One that happens each moment, it must be realized. PIL has an inordinate fondness of helping us, training us to make our lives better, but very few people realize this and others behave as though they are insensate for PIL. Every one have their own defined problems, it’s mundane. However it is one’s choices that determine the outcome. Some are time precision and others are inopportune. To practice PIL, one need not be an ascetic. One can choose to be intermittent. To be present and mingle with the people and at the same time be separated from the world through sheer will power. One need not meditate on the snowy mountains to attain intellectual knowledge, one can learn only by being present in this world surrounded by people. This learning to start with is not inscrutable and with keen dedication we can get rid of certain infirmity which inhibits our intellectual growth.

By being more self aware, one can see the distinctions with people around us and it makes accept the indignation at times. Self awareness brings indissoluble changes and mostly for the better. One can be inebriated with many thoughts that are not useful and hence we end up being branded as inept. Interesting things do happen, one likes to be infantile in decision making others can infract. Very few decisions can be indubitable and sadly even they aren’t spared these days due to difference in opinion that voices out from each corner in this world. So with many people around, true learning happens when one allows others to impale our body with their thoughts which fights with our ideals in order to indenture to alien thoughts. This fight between the ideals of self with that of all the people is what we call the impetus of life.

It is a war, compromise, friendship and one encounters many personalities during this war. Impertinent, impetuous, imperious, impiety, impolitic, incendiary, incontinent, insidious, insolvent, insouciant, insurgent are some of the qualities that impute to an infernal life. However, on the flip side, there are people who incrust rate themselves with fortitude. More often than not, the battle would be with the former and hence the outcome can be at times indomitable and inexorable. So with many people around, we can very well accept the fact that everyone cannot be perfect and carry out things in a manner of inerrancy.

All human beings are capable of error, so why being fussy in living in this world. So all we need to do is, train ourselves to lift the incubus hovering around us and incur things that aids to intellectual growth. In a way, we indite our literature of life and all we must ensure, the pages of our literature to be indelible by people who lead an incorporeal life. By knowing ourselves we can detach the incognito bug by our personal identity so that it can indemnify some aspects moving forward. So when people can live the life impugning, making incisive remarks about others, why can’t you live quite the opposite way?

The challenge is to avoid immolating our lives to the circumstances instead fight the imbecility within us and not wait till the realization time is imminent. Instead of leading a life filled with a felling of ignominy, we have a chance to live quite the opposite manner which is free from impunity as a result of our actions. We must not allow circumstances to incarcerate us and reduce to a state of impuissance.

What must I cultivate in order to strengthen my PIL?

Be an incumbent in your mental office. Keep accurate records of all the things that you do. Never give a chance to incriminate your downfall on others, even if you do, do not prolong it or rather do not repeat it. We do make mistakes and go off track in our impromptu living style. Allow your mind to accept the impropriety in many facets of life since not all things are made to perfection. A human life is inalienable to many things; one must not try to change it for self satisfactory. Some remarks are imponderable; hence do not bother to weigh the full import of the content. It doesn’t have it in any case. View your life like a movie and the circumstances as adventures. Keep your options open so that you don’t reach a stage of impasse, wherein there is no escape. Cultivate the will power so that it is impalpable to the various temptations thrown around. Be importunate to certain things all by yourself in order to realize the capacity and to an extent to gauge one’s tolerance limits. Appreciate things which you have and never importune for things in a greedy way; there are few things which go our way and all other things in our favor are highly implausible.

Instead of imprecating others for being a catalyst in your downfall and treating with indignity, try not to be severe. There are things which are meant to happen in a certain way. The beauty of life and the mystery associated with it is in the interpretation of events that happen in a certain way. Instead of blaming situations and passing impious remarks about others, one must cultivate the habit of decoding the event language and hence try to become better interpreters of life. So you must be able to defend yourself against direct accusations in the same spirit as the innuendos on one’s character. Certain things are ruled by one’s thoughts and others from different people’s thoughts. We must reduce the interregnum between these two reigns that controls our mind and its subsequent actions. And one must not show insolent towards the turn of events; one must learn from it rather than get ruined. Mind and body must be nourished with positive elements so that they are stress free and in turn reduce the internecine nature of body and mind when combined during stress.

There is reward and punishment for every deed in this life itself, so you must be responsible for your actions. When great people die early, it is not injustice, it is just that, we don’t deserve them or they go away so that we can learn something from it. When a certain section of greats face adversity, it is a lesson to be learnt in the way they overcome it, rather than cursing it or feeling sorry about it. Things happening beyond your control are irreproachable and irreparable at times. Certain people’s deeds are irrepressible along with their curiosity, so we do encounter situations which are irreconcilable, but such things or course of events must be irrefutable rather than us reacting in an irate manner.

An iota of common sense and intellectual knowledge will take us no where near our destiny. We must be leaders of our destiny and leaders should never appear irresolute when decisions are made. And Remember …………………”

Its 11 am, Oh man, why did I sleep so much???

Took my bath and while driving, I just got reminded of the events that was very different. Very few times my heart and mind weren’t in a state of insurrection. They concurred to many things which were previously intangible. Maybe they did, I was surprised. In the interim let me finish my work today and think about interpreting my dream later in the day when I get back. At least, I am not impenitent for them to join hands; it will be for something better. It wouldn’t be improvident. Just when I was thinking more on this, I reached my customer’s place. Well, to be frank, I didn’t’ know as to why I am writing this, all I can say, there is a hidden purpose and eventually I did get to know. I could see the word-ly power of me in I.

The Departed Angel

Well, I somehow got reminded of an instance that happened few years back. Well, I was artful with things I liked and this was a special feeling, the one which wasn’t Déjà vu.

I used to commute in public transport, distance and many friends were there, so journey was never short of an adventure each day that passed by during the 2 years of pre-university.

Since, there were many people who had to take the same bus at the 11^th hour; we had a line of people waiting to get in, so that there isn’t any stampede. I got fascinated by a girl, a fair one, and that’s it. It was her face, which expressed many moods of hers, while she continued talking to her fellow mates.

OMG, but, didn’t give much thought on that. Now, the situation made me to see her more often since I was few places behind and her face was quite visible while we were getting onto the bus. This happened for one week, and each day, she just made me go crazy with her looks. Two weeks, without notice, my heart was penchant towards the familiar face of the fortnight.

It wasn’t a situation wherein she appeared everywhere, but her actual presence on the bus stop and on the bus, triggered a bug inside me, known as “The Crush”. Previously, I would have liked a girl or a woman, but never before I thought so much about it.

Feelings did creep in, but it would cease as soon as she wasn’t visible. Well, talk about fantasy and an angel coming to your life, this was nothing short of it. The best thing about her was the face and the hair. Her smile and only once I did see her crying, or at least with moist eyes.

The spy inside me wanted to know more about her. And at the same time, I didn’t want to be a pedantic in terms of tricks or techniques of getting to know her. I am never comfortable with such things. Sometimes or rather, most of the times, I do let situation do the talking, if not my mouth.

I believe having good intentions about the other person, good will happen since I didn’t have any malicious intentions. It was pure appreciation of a beauty which ignited a soft affectionate corner in me which till date wasn’t discovered. In a way, she would be a reason as to what made me think about lot of things in me.

Previously, I would hate to have persistently thought about a girl. I was recalcitrant in this regard. Preferred, being a recluse in such issues. Rather being weltered by such recurring thoughts.

In a way, I wanted to get rid of the insularity with respect to such feelings.
Initially, my mind was intransigent with my heart. My heart wanted to have a very comfortable zone, and that was to think about her and feel good about it. My mind was focused more on other things like studies, playing cricket and just the normal routine I had at that time.

Ok, my heart won the battle, not like I would regret. But the feeling inside me at that time was good.

Each day, there were few people in between me and her in the bus queue. That’s ok; I didn’t feel like hurrying up things. I just loved the fact of seeing her face and that’s about it. Everything else about her didn’t matter. I didn’t force myself to look into her, but situations made me or rather she used to be visible from where I was.

On the day of my practical exams, I joined the queue. OMG, she is standing in front of me. Black sweat shirt that covered her and blue denims to the compliment the upper attire. Never before in weeks, had I seen her that close.

From the conversation she was having, got to know she was in final year of her bachelor’s degree at Jain College. (B.Com). “Elder to me, 3 years??” my mind thought.
“How does it matter, its not like you want to be friends with her, you like her face and that’s it, why you thinking so much, Just relish the moment that you are close to her and more importantly to her face”, my heart spoke.

We both got into the bus, and believe it or not, she was right in front of me. I had a pencil and I was marking few pages on my book. Out Came a sheet of paper and for the first time, I started scribbling something on the bus. I still have it with me.

This is what I wrote:

Slow and steady along the road,

A bus moved carrying some load.

There was an angel sitting in the front seat,

My heart woke up, to rejoice the visual treat.

As the bus moved from one place to another place;

My heart gathered to race with some pace,

Her lovely smile made me mad,

Seeing her cry, I was sad.

Her rosy lips and silky hair,

Better was the face, clear and fair.

Her hypno eyes and catchy dimple;

Made others girls around her look very simple.

She will be remembered by me time to time,

Thought my heart, she would be mine.

Her stop was about to come, she prepared to get down,

My mind told the heart not to bog down.

At last, the stop came finally,

Which my heart thought would never come initially,

All these days, couldn’t muster the courage to talk,

All I did was to see her walk.

Little, did I realize, I had just managed to write a poem which rhymed. I was fascinated by rhythmic poems and in a way, my heart managed to disabuse my mind, which had a different mindset altogether before seeing this Angel.

It’s good to always listening to one’s heart. It speaks the truth and all it does is; it pinches, whenever we want to get out of our comfort zone. Heart just cannot listen to any sort of dirge playing.

At the same time, one must not allow our minds to get into a torpor state by listening to our heart. One must concur, and nurture our heart in such a way that, in adversity, heart must help us remember the good things we did instead of making us feel bad and miserable about the situation. It must make us feel comfortable in the times of agony and pain.

Listen to the inner voice; it comes in handy while shaping our destiny.

And in a way, she did trigger me and now when I look back, those few weeks were very important and crucial in my life. Talking about one’s feelings, well, she did make me shout about it if not talk about it.

After that day, I saw her once more. An Angel came and departed.

ONE RUN AT HYDERABAD

During sometime in October, last year, all my cousins decided we would start
running for the sake of fitness. Since, Mahesh, my elder cousin is interested in such things, he came up with the idea of running at Hyderabad Marathon.
With Nannu (another cousin) around, he can make things happen. He
convinced all the boys and there we are: Mission Hyderabad.

During the build up, I was told we all were running 21 km i.e. half marathon. I was telling them, "It's not an easy task, you guys must be joking."

But somehow all these guys seemed to be thinking, running a half marathon was easy. As usual, we did have our opinions pouring in and at last the decision was made. "We are running half- marathon".
Are we?

It was decided that we would have a sight seeing day prior to the marathon. Since, this was my first visit to Hyderabad; I was looking forward to the trip.

Along with the excitement, some butterflies also started creeping in when I thought about completing half marathon. To be honest, I have never run that long continuously and even the distance looked intimidating, but not impossible.

Since I used to run, I did have a measure of how long the distance would be.
Hence the mental passport was ready and all I needed was the visa of my body.
My physical condition weren't up to the standards which were required to run a marathon. Max, one month prior to the event, I would have run 10 to 15 km at one go.

The question was "maintaining the intensity." And also, during the period prior to the marathon, I was also surprised to see my cousins taking things lightly when it came to the running issue. I kept stressing the necessity of being in shape and more importantly mentally tough.

To be on the safer side, I wanted to test my fitness condition. I started focusing on cardios at gym. Just kept cycling for 10 km and thread mill for another 5 km. This routine I followed ruthlessly for 2 weeks. 3 days before the marathon, I decided to ease out and just did the usual routine. So I wasn't totally ready physically, also considering the effects of double ankle sprain on my right leg which happened in 2002, things weren't going to be easy. But it was a challenge, which I took it up, in order to see, whether I can or whether I will?

Our running T-shirts arrived, surprisingly, T-shirt clearly mentioned 10 km run. I asked Nannu and he told me the stock for half marathon was not available.

Ok, the day came finally. 24th of November, 2006. Myself, Ravi (Dali), Nannu, Mahesh, Sharath, Manju, Sandhya, Radhika (Trinca) and of course my cutie pie Namratha.

This was the gang of Bangalore, all set to conquer the blues of Hyderabad.

We had booked AC train to and fro. We reached on the morning of 25th and after some time, did find some place to rest. The plan was to have Biryani after the marathon since we would enjoy it much better and it was advisable to keep ourselves a low key when it came to eating that day.

We had booked Toyota Qualis for commuting. Entire day was spent in discussing the strategies for cracking the marathon. Manju, Sharath, Dali and Nannu had different ideas to give although it was little funny compared to my serious ideas.

First stop: Charminar. Even though it is not being maintained well, it is a beautiful piece of architecture.



And then to the Birla Mandir.



Later we went to Golconda fort. It was amazing, and evening was perfect time to be at that place. That day, I was wearing my Superman T-shirt and did feel though I had lots of energy. At the same time, I wanted this energy to last for the marathon which was in a few hours time.

The laser show with Amitabh being the Sutradhar was just the perfect way to know about the history of Golconda and other princely tit bits which have made this place a treat to visit.

By this time adrenaline was pumping and we were ready.

Dinner was more of fruits and salads although others did try their hand at Biryani and other heavy stuff, I was happy with my light meal, keeping the race in mind.

The interiors at the restaurant were simply breath taking, and for some time I wondered "whether it is a restaurant or some sort of temple?"

Off we went to bed. We were supposed to reach the venue at 7 in the morning for the half- marathon to start. I woke up at 5 am, got ready. So everyone was set for one titanic battle of our bodies and minds. Akshay Kumar and the oomph Sameera Reddy were the people who would be flagging the 10 km race.


We reached the venue. Within minutes, I saw people running past us. I was ready to go just when all my cousins pulled me back. They started laughing. I didn't understand and few seconds later, I got to know, we had come to participate the 10 km. Dali said "Now he is gonna say, I knew from start that this was a 10 km run". Even Manju said the same. Mahesh apologized saying, we are running 10 km not half- marathon. I was shell shocked, and all I did next moment, to run with those who were running the half-marathon.

I didn't carry my phone neither did I have any money. All I had at that moment was vengeance. I just wanted to show all my cousins that "I can run 21 km."

As I was alone on this mission, a lot of things were running inside me. After running for a km, I realized "Rajan, I have come here to run 21km and prove myself that I can run. I have nothing to prove others; it's a test of my will power and my stamina. I have come here to run 21 km and I am gonna do it for myself and for my special friend".

Indeed, a week before this event, my friend refused to pick up my call. A message appeared as a reply. "Nothing's wrong with my phone. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Please don't call or even reply to this message till I call you". Ok, this wasn't the first time, but I didn't get a chance to know as to why. Anyways, I had to accept the situation and move on with it. Sometimes, it hurts mentally, but one can't help it. Time is the only comforter and patience is the key till the other person recovers from this sudden disappearance.


I knew for the fact, my friend was going through a bad phase and sad part was; now I was forced to be unavailable for my friend. Whose fault is it anyway?

Hence this thing did occupy my mind while running and somewhere my triumph would help my friend, get enough confidence to deal with the problems.

Coming back, after a km, I said, "I am running this for myself, my mom and to my special friend". Suddenly, I was able to see a different picture all around me. There was clarity in whatever I was thinking and the focus was entirely on the roads of Hyderabad.

Charminar was 5 km away from the starting line, and it looked different from last afternoon when the streets were busy and it didn't look like the place where I and Trinca bought bangles for other cousins.(Females of course)

Next to Charminar was the mosque which we couldn't visit the day before due to time constraints. Recently, this mosque was in the news for wrong reasons. It was the victim of a bomb, which blasted while people were offering prayers.

Coming back, Physically, I was still in good shape and it was good to see people cheering and encouraging the running. Glucose, mosambi, water, they were plenty of them taking care and making sure we didn't get dehydrated.

Hospitality was great and the organizers made sure we didn't have to bother except for running. Half- marathon was also a good choice especially when one has to introspect himself with rest of the world. I did get to think over a lot of things and especially where I was heading in my life.

I like analogies and to me it makes sense. My running was a bit similar like the way I was living. It is a big challenge to keep pushing all the time. People are there and nature is there to help us, but the common trait is the attitude. If one has to run the marathon of life, short term and long term goals must be thought of and taken care of. For me, satisfaction of finishing the 21 km run was very important. At the same time, I didn't put extra strain on my ankles and all I did was to enjoy each km.

After 14 km, I did join the rest of the gang who were participating in the 10 km run. It was crowded and in a way, I started to lose my momentum. Again, I thought, "When things are fine, everything seems to be fine, when there is too much noise and confusion around, one must fight to retain composure and this fight is solely internal".

I was losing momentum very quickly because there were thousand's of them, some people were just playing around, some were walking, some were making fun, it just reached a point, I thought I shall give up, because the race was physically too demanding considering many people around me and also, I started to tire down because of less food intake. "It reached a stage, last 6 km, legs totally exhausted and momentum is not the same which I had for previous 15 km. Even Sun started blazing around."

Biryani was tempting, and I wanted to enjoy my meal after the run.

I didn't want to stop at that moment and be a loser. I knew I was trying my best, but I was not going to settle anything less than 21 km. That was it. I spoke to my stomach "Look, there's a good chance that you are going to get brilliant Hyderabadi Biryani( Veg), don't mess it up, just co-operate with me and I promise I am gonna fill you up big time". Trust me, these were the exact words I thought and deal was struck.

Then it was mind over matter. No amount of physical strength could have carried me further. Not that I was fainting, its just that I had lost my physical momentum but I didn't feel any sort of uneasiness of higher amplitude.

"No pain, No gain" is something, which I always recite and it did come to good use. Last few km was a test of my character, commitment and will power. I did meet Nannu and Manju in that marathon rush and they were quite relieved to see me and also in a good condition.

We parted ways, since I had to take a different route to complete. Trust me, last 3 km; I started regaining my lost physical strength. My will power out powered the unwillingness of my body to finish.

At last, I did finish. The relief and more importantly the satisfaction was something I can't quite describe in words. It's a feeling. I don't know how Hillary and Norgay felt when they reached the top of Mt. Everest. All I can say is, my feelings were similar to theirs and it's just that it was in much bigger scale for them than for what I achieved.

I would rate myself a winner because, I set myself to achieve something when I left Bangalore and I did it. After crossing the line, my pulse was measured and they noted my name. They gave me a certificate for completing the 21 km run.

I know I didn't win the race, but I won the support of my mind and body and this event also made my mind and body to understand each other in a better way and appreciate each other's contribution.

I met my cousins. All were really happy for me. Mahesh told me "It's good that you did what you wanted". Manju and Dali told "It inspired them". Nannu was really proud that I didn't get stuck with them and crib instead I went and finished 21 km.

I like running because it's a challenge. If you run hard, there's the pain - and you've got to work your way through the pain. You know, lately it seems all you hear is? Don't overdo it' and? Don't push yourself.' Well, I think that's a lot of bull. If you push the human body, it will respond."


And by the little experience of running, I can relate a lot of similar things with respect to life. This is something I would like to share.

A quote below by- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."

That day, I did feel I had come out of the boyhood and in a way ready to take up the challenges in life. At least I could sense, I can take it up when given any situation.

One of my favorite athletes, Emile Zapotek once quoted –
"It's at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys."

After the event, I did feed my stomach with loads of Biryani as promised.

I didn't feel tired. My feet were aching a bit while walking but it was manageable. The person to meet - Chiropodist would have been the ideal person at that moment.

We visited Secundrabad, Sandhya was born here. She wanted to see her old house, she did manage to find and did take a snap.

Later to Snow world, and then to Karachi Bakery (famous cashew biscuits are exported from this place).

Overall the trip was rejuvenating with cousins around. To top it, finishing the half marathon would be the highlight of my trip.

As far as my special friend was concerned- I did get a good luck call two days prior to the event. Trust me, that call did help somewhere during half-marathon.

And I did it for myself, my mom and to my special friend.

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends". This surely dedicated to the silence of my Special Friend.