The Departed Angel

Well, I somehow got reminded of an instance that happened few years back. Well, I was artful with things I liked and this was a special feeling, the one which wasn’t Déjà vu.

I used to commute in public transport, distance and many friends were there, so journey was never short of an adventure each day that passed by during the 2 years of pre-university.

Since, there were many people who had to take the same bus at the 11^th hour; we had a line of people waiting to get in, so that there isn’t any stampede. I got fascinated by a girl, a fair one, and that’s it. It was her face, which expressed many moods of hers, while she continued talking to her fellow mates.

OMG, but, didn’t give much thought on that. Now, the situation made me to see her more often since I was few places behind and her face was quite visible while we were getting onto the bus. This happened for one week, and each day, she just made me go crazy with her looks. Two weeks, without notice, my heart was penchant towards the familiar face of the fortnight.

It wasn’t a situation wherein she appeared everywhere, but her actual presence on the bus stop and on the bus, triggered a bug inside me, known as “The Crush”. Previously, I would have liked a girl or a woman, but never before I thought so much about it.

Feelings did creep in, but it would cease as soon as she wasn’t visible. Well, talk about fantasy and an angel coming to your life, this was nothing short of it. The best thing about her was the face and the hair. Her smile and only once I did see her crying, or at least with moist eyes.

The spy inside me wanted to know more about her. And at the same time, I didn’t want to be a pedantic in terms of tricks or techniques of getting to know her. I am never comfortable with such things. Sometimes or rather, most of the times, I do let situation do the talking, if not my mouth.

I believe having good intentions about the other person, good will happen since I didn’t have any malicious intentions. It was pure appreciation of a beauty which ignited a soft affectionate corner in me which till date wasn’t discovered. In a way, she would be a reason as to what made me think about lot of things in me.

Previously, I would hate to have persistently thought about a girl. I was recalcitrant in this regard. Preferred, being a recluse in such issues. Rather being weltered by such recurring thoughts.

In a way, I wanted to get rid of the insularity with respect to such feelings.
Initially, my mind was intransigent with my heart. My heart wanted to have a very comfortable zone, and that was to think about her and feel good about it. My mind was focused more on other things like studies, playing cricket and just the normal routine I had at that time.

Ok, my heart won the battle, not like I would regret. But the feeling inside me at that time was good.

Each day, there were few people in between me and her in the bus queue. That’s ok; I didn’t feel like hurrying up things. I just loved the fact of seeing her face and that’s about it. Everything else about her didn’t matter. I didn’t force myself to look into her, but situations made me or rather she used to be visible from where I was.

On the day of my practical exams, I joined the queue. OMG, she is standing in front of me. Black sweat shirt that covered her and blue denims to the compliment the upper attire. Never before in weeks, had I seen her that close.

From the conversation she was having, got to know she was in final year of her bachelor’s degree at Jain College. (B.Com). “Elder to me, 3 years??” my mind thought.
“How does it matter, its not like you want to be friends with her, you like her face and that’s it, why you thinking so much, Just relish the moment that you are close to her and more importantly to her face”, my heart spoke.

We both got into the bus, and believe it or not, she was right in front of me. I had a pencil and I was marking few pages on my book. Out Came a sheet of paper and for the first time, I started scribbling something on the bus. I still have it with me.

This is what I wrote:

Slow and steady along the road,

A bus moved carrying some load.

There was an angel sitting in the front seat,

My heart woke up, to rejoice the visual treat.

As the bus moved from one place to another place;

My heart gathered to race with some pace,

Her lovely smile made me mad,

Seeing her cry, I was sad.

Her rosy lips and silky hair,

Better was the face, clear and fair.

Her hypno eyes and catchy dimple;

Made others girls around her look very simple.

She will be remembered by me time to time,

Thought my heart, she would be mine.

Her stop was about to come, she prepared to get down,

My mind told the heart not to bog down.

At last, the stop came finally,

Which my heart thought would never come initially,

All these days, couldn’t muster the courage to talk,

All I did was to see her walk.

Little, did I realize, I had just managed to write a poem which rhymed. I was fascinated by rhythmic poems and in a way, my heart managed to disabuse my mind, which had a different mindset altogether before seeing this Angel.

It’s good to always listening to one’s heart. It speaks the truth and all it does is; it pinches, whenever we want to get out of our comfort zone. Heart just cannot listen to any sort of dirge playing.

At the same time, one must not allow our minds to get into a torpor state by listening to our heart. One must concur, and nurture our heart in such a way that, in adversity, heart must help us remember the good things we did instead of making us feel bad and miserable about the situation. It must make us feel comfortable in the times of agony and pain.

Listen to the inner voice; it comes in handy while shaping our destiny.

And in a way, she did trigger me and now when I look back, those few weeks were very important and crucial in my life. Talking about one’s feelings, well, she did make me shout about it if not talk about it.

After that day, I saw her once more. An Angel came and departed.

ONE RUN AT HYDERABAD

During sometime in October, last year, all my cousins decided we would start
running for the sake of fitness. Since, Mahesh, my elder cousin is interested in such things, he came up with the idea of running at Hyderabad Marathon.
With Nannu (another cousin) around, he can make things happen. He
convinced all the boys and there we are: Mission Hyderabad.

During the build up, I was told we all were running 21 km i.e. half marathon. I was telling them, "It's not an easy task, you guys must be joking."

But somehow all these guys seemed to be thinking, running a half marathon was easy. As usual, we did have our opinions pouring in and at last the decision was made. "We are running half- marathon".
Are we?

It was decided that we would have a sight seeing day prior to the marathon. Since, this was my first visit to Hyderabad; I was looking forward to the trip.

Along with the excitement, some butterflies also started creeping in when I thought about completing half marathon. To be honest, I have never run that long continuously and even the distance looked intimidating, but not impossible.

Since I used to run, I did have a measure of how long the distance would be.
Hence the mental passport was ready and all I needed was the visa of my body.
My physical condition weren't up to the standards which were required to run a marathon. Max, one month prior to the event, I would have run 10 to 15 km at one go.

The question was "maintaining the intensity." And also, during the period prior to the marathon, I was also surprised to see my cousins taking things lightly when it came to the running issue. I kept stressing the necessity of being in shape and more importantly mentally tough.

To be on the safer side, I wanted to test my fitness condition. I started focusing on cardios at gym. Just kept cycling for 10 km and thread mill for another 5 km. This routine I followed ruthlessly for 2 weeks. 3 days before the marathon, I decided to ease out and just did the usual routine. So I wasn't totally ready physically, also considering the effects of double ankle sprain on my right leg which happened in 2002, things weren't going to be easy. But it was a challenge, which I took it up, in order to see, whether I can or whether I will?

Our running T-shirts arrived, surprisingly, T-shirt clearly mentioned 10 km run. I asked Nannu and he told me the stock for half marathon was not available.

Ok, the day came finally. 24th of November, 2006. Myself, Ravi (Dali), Nannu, Mahesh, Sharath, Manju, Sandhya, Radhika (Trinca) and of course my cutie pie Namratha.

This was the gang of Bangalore, all set to conquer the blues of Hyderabad.

We had booked AC train to and fro. We reached on the morning of 25th and after some time, did find some place to rest. The plan was to have Biryani after the marathon since we would enjoy it much better and it was advisable to keep ourselves a low key when it came to eating that day.

We had booked Toyota Qualis for commuting. Entire day was spent in discussing the strategies for cracking the marathon. Manju, Sharath, Dali and Nannu had different ideas to give although it was little funny compared to my serious ideas.

First stop: Charminar. Even though it is not being maintained well, it is a beautiful piece of architecture.



And then to the Birla Mandir.



Later we went to Golconda fort. It was amazing, and evening was perfect time to be at that place. That day, I was wearing my Superman T-shirt and did feel though I had lots of energy. At the same time, I wanted this energy to last for the marathon which was in a few hours time.

The laser show with Amitabh being the Sutradhar was just the perfect way to know about the history of Golconda and other princely tit bits which have made this place a treat to visit.

By this time adrenaline was pumping and we were ready.

Dinner was more of fruits and salads although others did try their hand at Biryani and other heavy stuff, I was happy with my light meal, keeping the race in mind.

The interiors at the restaurant were simply breath taking, and for some time I wondered "whether it is a restaurant or some sort of temple?"

Off we went to bed. We were supposed to reach the venue at 7 in the morning for the half- marathon to start. I woke up at 5 am, got ready. So everyone was set for one titanic battle of our bodies and minds. Akshay Kumar and the oomph Sameera Reddy were the people who would be flagging the 10 km race.


We reached the venue. Within minutes, I saw people running past us. I was ready to go just when all my cousins pulled me back. They started laughing. I didn't understand and few seconds later, I got to know, we had come to participate the 10 km. Dali said "Now he is gonna say, I knew from start that this was a 10 km run". Even Manju said the same. Mahesh apologized saying, we are running 10 km not half- marathon. I was shell shocked, and all I did next moment, to run with those who were running the half-marathon.

I didn't carry my phone neither did I have any money. All I had at that moment was vengeance. I just wanted to show all my cousins that "I can run 21 km."

As I was alone on this mission, a lot of things were running inside me. After running for a km, I realized "Rajan, I have come here to run 21km and prove myself that I can run. I have nothing to prove others; it's a test of my will power and my stamina. I have come here to run 21 km and I am gonna do it for myself and for my special friend".

Indeed, a week before this event, my friend refused to pick up my call. A message appeared as a reply. "Nothing's wrong with my phone. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Please don't call or even reply to this message till I call you". Ok, this wasn't the first time, but I didn't get a chance to know as to why. Anyways, I had to accept the situation and move on with it. Sometimes, it hurts mentally, but one can't help it. Time is the only comforter and patience is the key till the other person recovers from this sudden disappearance.


I knew for the fact, my friend was going through a bad phase and sad part was; now I was forced to be unavailable for my friend. Whose fault is it anyway?

Hence this thing did occupy my mind while running and somewhere my triumph would help my friend, get enough confidence to deal with the problems.

Coming back, after a km, I said, "I am running this for myself, my mom and to my special friend". Suddenly, I was able to see a different picture all around me. There was clarity in whatever I was thinking and the focus was entirely on the roads of Hyderabad.

Charminar was 5 km away from the starting line, and it looked different from last afternoon when the streets were busy and it didn't look like the place where I and Trinca bought bangles for other cousins.(Females of course)

Next to Charminar was the mosque which we couldn't visit the day before due to time constraints. Recently, this mosque was in the news for wrong reasons. It was the victim of a bomb, which blasted while people were offering prayers.

Coming back, Physically, I was still in good shape and it was good to see people cheering and encouraging the running. Glucose, mosambi, water, they were plenty of them taking care and making sure we didn't get dehydrated.

Hospitality was great and the organizers made sure we didn't have to bother except for running. Half- marathon was also a good choice especially when one has to introspect himself with rest of the world. I did get to think over a lot of things and especially where I was heading in my life.

I like analogies and to me it makes sense. My running was a bit similar like the way I was living. It is a big challenge to keep pushing all the time. People are there and nature is there to help us, but the common trait is the attitude. If one has to run the marathon of life, short term and long term goals must be thought of and taken care of. For me, satisfaction of finishing the 21 km run was very important. At the same time, I didn't put extra strain on my ankles and all I did was to enjoy each km.

After 14 km, I did join the rest of the gang who were participating in the 10 km run. It was crowded and in a way, I started to lose my momentum. Again, I thought, "When things are fine, everything seems to be fine, when there is too much noise and confusion around, one must fight to retain composure and this fight is solely internal".

I was losing momentum very quickly because there were thousand's of them, some people were just playing around, some were walking, some were making fun, it just reached a point, I thought I shall give up, because the race was physically too demanding considering many people around me and also, I started to tire down because of less food intake. "It reached a stage, last 6 km, legs totally exhausted and momentum is not the same which I had for previous 15 km. Even Sun started blazing around."

Biryani was tempting, and I wanted to enjoy my meal after the run.

I didn't want to stop at that moment and be a loser. I knew I was trying my best, but I was not going to settle anything less than 21 km. That was it. I spoke to my stomach "Look, there's a good chance that you are going to get brilliant Hyderabadi Biryani( Veg), don't mess it up, just co-operate with me and I promise I am gonna fill you up big time". Trust me, these were the exact words I thought and deal was struck.

Then it was mind over matter. No amount of physical strength could have carried me further. Not that I was fainting, its just that I had lost my physical momentum but I didn't feel any sort of uneasiness of higher amplitude.

"No pain, No gain" is something, which I always recite and it did come to good use. Last few km was a test of my character, commitment and will power. I did meet Nannu and Manju in that marathon rush and they were quite relieved to see me and also in a good condition.

We parted ways, since I had to take a different route to complete. Trust me, last 3 km; I started regaining my lost physical strength. My will power out powered the unwillingness of my body to finish.

At last, I did finish. The relief and more importantly the satisfaction was something I can't quite describe in words. It's a feeling. I don't know how Hillary and Norgay felt when they reached the top of Mt. Everest. All I can say is, my feelings were similar to theirs and it's just that it was in much bigger scale for them than for what I achieved.

I would rate myself a winner because, I set myself to achieve something when I left Bangalore and I did it. After crossing the line, my pulse was measured and they noted my name. They gave me a certificate for completing the 21 km run.

I know I didn't win the race, but I won the support of my mind and body and this event also made my mind and body to understand each other in a better way and appreciate each other's contribution.

I met my cousins. All were really happy for me. Mahesh told me "It's good that you did what you wanted". Manju and Dali told "It inspired them". Nannu was really proud that I didn't get stuck with them and crib instead I went and finished 21 km.

I like running because it's a challenge. If you run hard, there's the pain - and you've got to work your way through the pain. You know, lately it seems all you hear is? Don't overdo it' and? Don't push yourself.' Well, I think that's a lot of bull. If you push the human body, it will respond."


And by the little experience of running, I can relate a lot of similar things with respect to life. This is something I would like to share.

A quote below by- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."

That day, I did feel I had come out of the boyhood and in a way ready to take up the challenges in life. At least I could sense, I can take it up when given any situation.

One of my favorite athletes, Emile Zapotek once quoted –
"It's at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys."

After the event, I did feed my stomach with loads of Biryani as promised.

I didn't feel tired. My feet were aching a bit while walking but it was manageable. The person to meet - Chiropodist would have been the ideal person at that moment.

We visited Secundrabad, Sandhya was born here. She wanted to see her old house, she did manage to find and did take a snap.

Later to Snow world, and then to Karachi Bakery (famous cashew biscuits are exported from this place).

Overall the trip was rejuvenating with cousins around. To top it, finishing the half marathon would be the highlight of my trip.

As far as my special friend was concerned- I did get a good luck call two days prior to the event. Trust me, that call did help somewhere during half-marathon.

And I did it for myself, my mom and to my special friend.

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends". This surely dedicated to the silence of my Special Friend.

Life is all about Timing- 'Waugh kya baat hai'

People realize pretty early, some don’t. That’s the beauty, its all timing.
I heard somewhere “Well arranged time is the surest mark of a well arranged mind”.

When we say, “I don’t have time for this, that etc”, what does it imply?
Are we not arranging things properly, or, we know the right things to be done.
By the time we figure out what we really want, it’s too late.

They say “If youth only knows and age only could”.

This is just an aspect of our life. important one.

As a kid, I did things which used to cause harm to my friends. Very temperamental, just did what I wanted without even thinking the consequences of my actions. Dennis the Menace was appropriately my other name with respect to pranks I used to play on others.

I had broken spectacles of a guy called Shivkumar, 6 times within two months till his mother came and begged me. This was sometime in 1993.

I couldn’t control my temper while I was playing because I always played to win and it reached a stage wherein I started believing; only I could make my team win. I did play brilliantly and I guess my mind went crazy seeing the way I used to play.

This was how I, till the age of 14.

In the past, I always felt I was bigger than the team and to my credit; I used to play pretty well. One day I did see my friends feeling the heat when I yelled at a guy who got me run out. I was furious and I thought the match would be lost because of me getting out.

We did lose and I couldn’t accept defeat that easy on that day. I did play with a lot of new guys (younger than me), gave them chance (in the sense to bat first and bowling especially) but I never liked them getting better than me. I mostly competed with guys elder to me and I always wanted to be better than them. Never felt intimidated in presence of many people who were elder to me.

If indeed a player was better than me, I never used to like that guy be in the same team as mine. I used to work on my bowling so that I could get him out or field like Jonty Rhodes to take a catch or create run out opportunities. I made sure; he didn’t get better than me.

I did all this sportingly never used unfair means of getting them out.

This was how I improved my game, but the attitude of me having to carry the entire burden didn’t go. Partly this was also the result of my friends putting my name in a big way whenever I used to play. The thrill they used to get when they got my wicket, all this made me feel self-centered.

I always wanted to be known as the best player among all the guys who played and I did make a special effort to raise the benchmark every time in which ever way possible.

Sometime in late 99, early 2000, I didn’t enjoy this tag and I was not playing that well. I mean I had very high standards. Even though I did score more than anyone, I wasn’t doing the way I did all six years previously.

My bowling was getting better and my fielding was never a problem. Batting wise, I stopped being ruthless (still used to score fast, but less compared to previous years).

I felt, there were no challenges left. I didn’t have to prove anyone as to how well I batted. People knew. Still, there were discordant feelings inside me. I was15 and it was too early to stop playing cricket.

But I had to get over it fast. Some new guys were coming and they were good. Soon we had a bunch of guys who were pretty talented. Maybe I didn’t like this fact and trying to prove them, I was losing my touch.

When I saw others, I felt, “How I can fit in the team now? Clearly no one is gonna drop me. But I didn’t like the present role, I need a change”.

Well, people whom I thought are average cricketers and the ones who played under the shadows of me and other guys needed a boost somewhere. Timing is the key for every cricketer.

In a way, my attitude of yesteryears would have ruined their self-confidence, if I would have continued playing in the same way.

I decided and threw a challenge on myself. To start with, I opted to bat second last instead of my favorite and usual opening spot. I wanted to see, how good others are and my sole purpose was to make sure we won in the end. Clearly, now I started enjoying the victories even though I didn’t bat.

I was enjoying my bowling and I was dying to bowl every time we played. This didn’t affect my batting, but it took responsibility of my shoulders in terms of hitting the winning runs all the time.
Slowly I could see youngsters enjoying the game since they were getting involved lots.

Later, I stopped bowling and gave youngsters a chance to bowl. I didn’t bowl but used to bat. Even if they conceded runs, I wanted to make sure we won and made sure they faced the challenge from the opposition.
Slowly, I batted down the order and bowled whenever I felt it was necessary to bowl. I was enjoying my fielding and the fun I used to get taking catches and stopping the boundaries were just exciting. Clearly I was thriving on the factor of me being the leader.
In a span of one year, The ‘I’ factor was slowly getting replaced by ‘We’ and I started enjoying this role of a senior player. My temper level in terms of yelling and giving back to bowlers abated, however the passion and aggression to win every match was very much there. Clearly I was more a patient man and more importantly understood the word ‘contentment’. I also understood the fact, “We win as a team, lose as a team”. It is wrong to blame individuals for one’s failure.

My last three years i.e. till 2003, were great in terms of personal growth, the way I was growing intellectually with cricket as the back drop.

It didn’t matter or affect me when we lost a game or two as long as we gave our best, I made sure I gave my best and could see everyone do their best.

In 2003, I felt, it was high time, I quit playing serious cricket. Somehow I didn’t want to involve playing regularly. It was a tough decision but a good one considering the trend and the changes that occurred.

Sadly, cricket was never the same, and I wouldn’t say because of me it stopped, but I am just proud of the fact that, I pushed myself to greater heights and along my way I saw others pushing hard as well. This was the sheer fun of galli cricket, intersecting roads, huge plain lands, it was just fun.

Whenever I walk past these roads which are next to my place, I get reminded of all those moments which shaped my life to become a better human being than a cricketer I could have been at the highest level.

I never played serious cricket in terms of school or anything, I did play some serious atrocious games with guys who gave everything, so that it was at times more than just fun.

It was a mission. All I can say, in retrospect, it was Mission Well Accomplished.
I want to thank all my friends who played a role in developing me into a good individual. Because of the challenges provided by them, I could raise myself every time and 90% I did succeed.

The change in attitude was mainly inspired by Steve Waugh. He became the Captain of the Australian Team in 1998, which inspired me to become a leader and make others push hard and personally set challenges.
Like him, I was there only when situations demanded me to be there; otherwise I was pretty happy seeing my other friends finishing the job.
It was also this time, we started playing some ruthless cricket and at the end of it, we had a great laugh at each other. It was a journey which I enjoyed without bothering about the destination.

My cricket life started trying to be a Sachin, which I did brilliantly by being the one man army and to end it like a leader of the caliber of Steve Waugh.
In the end, more than cricket, I enjoyed the other aspects of seeing others happy, involving others and more importantly compete as a team. Incidentally, Steve is my mom’s favourite crickter and she also used to accompany me to various cricket skill camps early in my life.

For me, 6^th of January, 2004 at 1.15pm local Indian time, it was a moment, which will remain with me forever.

Steve Waugh: caught Sachin Tendulkar bowled Kumble - 80
He got out off his trademark slog sweep and fittingly Sachin took the catch. It was at his home ground SCG, Sydney. It was an emotional moment for me as well, since I had stopped playing few months back.

Last year, I did enjoy reading his Book: “Out of my Comfort Zone”, which is what I always went through and which is also the inspiration for my Blog’s title.

To end I get reminded of the following line I thought once as a kid.

“Many People think life is a game; I thought cricket was a game”

Some more things later, because there are still many facets left.

Special Mention:

Sridhar (first guy with whom I played on those roads in 1991), Anirudh (Bunty), Anupam (Dumpy), Praveen, Bharath, Ravi, Ajay, Vijay, Pavan, Anjeneya, Abhishek, Jaggu, Umapathy, Thejaswi Udupa, Abhilash, Monty, Niku, Basava ( the best I ever played with), Mallesh, Mote, Govinda (Kambli), Jagan, Raaghu, Pradeep, Sudhindra, Bipin( 4 years younger to me, highly talented), Kiran Sr, Kiran Jr, Nandu, Venugopal, Praveen, Renuka, Pavan, Santosh, Ramnath, Chetan, Nahush, Chaitanya, Kumaraswamy, Nikhil, Goutham, Preetham, Truthik, Anoop, Rakhshit, Rajat, Saravanan, Sharath, Allen, Elvin, Manjunath, Manu, Sanjay, Arun, Mayur and others.

But most important is Anianna, who played a lot of cricket and as a kid I watched every game he and his friends played.

This is also to mention a man by name Mr. JayaPrakash. The most complete cricketer I ever saw. He gave me the first break into serious cricket as a substitute in a tournament. I still remember the way he used to hit sixes one handed. Sadly he passed away in 1994, October.

P.S: Serious cricket: Any game played with seriousness involving people comparable to an international match. It was un-official nevertheless.

A LIfe Less Ordinary!!! More Extraordinary

Hi…..

Where do I start this?
Sometimes I feel why I should hit against a wall.

Am I sane to do it? It's tough to get answers to such questions. Then
I do realize by introspection that, it's not wall, she is a human
being and whom I regard forever as a good friend to have met (even if
it was only once).

Hence comparing you with the wall is the silliest analogy I can ever think of.

Then what it is?

All these days I just hoped you end up having hassle free life. And
hope is all I can give you at this moment.

I do believe, the most pristine relationship in this world is the
relationship between a mother and her children. Innocence is at its
peak when they start developing relationship very early in their
lives. The sad part is, it keeps deteriorating slowly and differences
do creep in eventually. This is a fact.

After 23 years (Not yet, one more month to go), Even I feel the pinch
when I try to manipulate things with my mother. It is tough to be
frank at all times. Why?

I am aware of things than previously and as time goes it becomes
eventually tough on my part to maintain or get back to that level of
innocence I once had as a child.

The more I think about this aspect, I feel, I am allowing the outer
elements to control and in turn hamper the innocence. This is no
theory and it's completely pragmatic in every which way we would like
to think.

Now this explains the theory "Change is the only constant thing". So
true, if changes can occur to a pristine relationship of that of a
mother and her children, then why do we point fingers at other
relationships and feel bad about it when it didn't work.

By being frank at critical situations one can still retain the
innocence, because changes can occur for better too.

All it takes is choice and effort to back the choice.

With this enlightenment, I am trying to deal with trivial issues with
a bigger picture in mind.

No wonder, a good movie looks better on a big screen than on a small screen.

If we are making a movie of our lives, I completely agree with
individuals to choose their own cast. Stories, screenplays, editing,
suspense, climax, thriller, comedy etc it's all up to us to direct our
thoughts to make a life time movie.

Generally, many movies include "cameos". He gets appreciated only when
he completes the job which a main character is inhibited to do.

It is our wish to extend the cameo's role. But extension of cameo's
role must not affect the movie.

At the same time, one cannot ignore the importance of him. So we
choose him either to please the public so that he could help us to
make our movie a little better than what it is.

Or, we want him because we are convinced that he is there to play an
important role.

This convincing act must be one's own.

I do remember the lines which you told me "There is a reason as to why
we both met".

I don't know whether you know the reason, but I certainly do. All I
need is, time from your kitty bag to tell what changes I have made in
my life and the new career path I am looking at. I really don't know
whether I would get some time from you, but you see,
one needs to be optimistic and I am confident one day I will get that
"time" from you even if you try hard not to give. Hehehe

Like they say "Good things will always come to an end, if they aren't
good, then it's not the end yet".

I hope you got all the answers and you've come to understand that
people and things are always going to change and you can't stop them
now.

I know for the fact, I cannot help or be there for all your problems.
And trust me no one will be there also for all the problems. Time is
the only comforter one can get.
Try and you will get some time from others, but only if you try. Trust
me, not every one is selfish and there are people who will be willing
to help without any motive only if you give them a chance.

In the end, we are all separate; our stories, no matter how similar,
come to a fork and diverge. We are drawn to each other because of our
similarities, but it is our differences we must learn to respect.

This is the Quote of my life: "No one except me can spoil my life;
it's me and my choices which eventually would change my life"




Let me try….. An Enrique song for you……..

I have modified this for you….

Every day here you came for chatting (on g-talk)
and held your fingers; hence we don't do much talking via chatting
when I asked "How are you"?
You say you're happy and you're doin' fine
Well go ahead, baby, I got plenty of time
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie

Well for a while I've been watching you unsteady
Ain't gonna move from the friendship 'til you're good and ready
You show up and then you shy away
But I know preeti( pretty) soon you'll be walkin' this way
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie

Baby don't you know I do care
Don't you know that I've been there( not always though)
Well if something in the air feels a little unkind
Don't worry darling, it'll slip your mind

I know you think you'd never be my friend
Well that's okay, baby, I don't mind your trend
the photo shy smile of yours( on orkut) is sweet, that's a fact
Go ahead, I don't mind the act ( of you not being in touch)

Here you come all planned up for a date to meet
Well one more step and it'll be too late to treat
Adversity might make you feely lonely here and there
I am sure that you're so sure I'll be standing there
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie
Sad eyes never lie

Why being so fussy on Peter and MJ??

First, why do people with super powers not given the time to explain as to what they want in return to the services they do to the man kind?

I am not pointing towards the iconic Superman or other super heroes of the comic world.

To me, just like heroes have special powers, the anti-heroes do possess similar sort of powers. Then why do heroes always win at the end of each raging battle which encapsulates every individual who has come to watch at the cinema halls.

It is the heart of a hero which makes him bigger than the biggest of all anti-heroes.
Every individual does possess this special power in him. Circumstances will make him either to choose the best of him/her or the worst.

Although, this power is not the exact replica of the one shown in comics, but the overall idea is very similar.
Take comics, we have Spiderman who carries the burden of people’s expectations on one hand and on the other hand, the identity of Peter Parker which he needs to retain.

For instance, human emotions can be easily recognized with Spiderman than say for example Superman. Spiderman was created in earth, whereas Superman arrived from Krypton.
Hence, the lone side of Peter Parker is very pragmatic compared to Clark Kent. Also, Peter is more family oriented and basically very inquisitive about other aspects of life.

His love life however is very interesting and realistic. He loves MJ, his first love of his life. He had hidden his feelings for her and was just a good friend. In fact, he was much more than a friend at times. From an audience point of view, it was evident; he loved her and only her.

Poor old MJ, she did realize in the end where her heart was and did a brave thing opting out of marriage to be with Spiderman, in spite of knowing the consequences. She had this attitude “Let’s see”, without even thinking how hard it can be, being with someone who doesn’t talk when needed, always on the move and more importantly he is quite different from her except for the love which they have for each other and with it the respect.

Except for meeting and sharing few romantic moments with each other, I didn’t see them doing anything which would be beneficial for their future. She keeps thinking and hesitates to tell him or rather she doesn’t get the right time to tell him as to what she thinks and feels. So she is disappointed and at the same time her career doesn’t seem to be going right. Overall she is one frustrated girl who has a lot of expectations even though she doesn’t quite express them.

Peter, well he is high on confidence and has MJ and no other girl on his mind. Even though he does interact with lots of them at research and college, his head is firm about MJ and no other.

Now, Peter on his own is brilliant with MJ and they do rock when ever they meet. On such occasions both are mad about each other and they share a comfortable bubble around them. They never felt insecure.

Problem starts when Peter has to switch over his role to Spiderman where in he cannot be thinking about MJ or his personal life. He is there for others and in turn this might be not so easy for MJ at times.

Since she is associated with Peter, she will have to face certain consequences for which she isn’t quite ready to take a risk. Peter is one guy who never expresses his problems to others but he is the first person who will be ready to solve other’s problems. This mind set of his becomes very difficult for MJ to cope with because he is being much stronger than what she is.

Also, he is being more confident and successful at what he is doing; this adds extra pressure on MJ to do well. I shall never blame MJ for that because, she isn’t head strong at all times, she keeps changing her decisions based on her mood swings. She is in the mind set “He never understands me”. The point is, she never expressed, still expects him to be there. Now this is bit tough on him and their relationship, but she does set such high standards for herself even though she knows she would never succeed in it. That’s her.

Peter plans to be with her for rest of his life. He fails to understand her and thinks by giving the freedom to her to do whatever she wants to do; he is actually being not bossy in the relationship. But she doesn’t want this freedom, she wants him, she wants him to listen, understand and just do that. Similarly, MJ cannot understand the responsibilities and standards which Peter sets for him. It’s tough for her.

Probably he didn’t give her much time owing to many other commitments but that’s not the excuse. Somewhere, they both got so much freedom that; they started enjoying the silence of their relationship rather than the constant chatting which used to be the case previously before being in a relationship.

In the past( before the relationship), they used to trust each other lots, used to talk, used to enjoy each other’s company lots and both used to think of each other when crisis knocked their doors. They still trust, but expectations started to slowly kill the relationship.

While in a relationship, they chose others to solve and hear their problems.

The problem was never with them, they both are the best of friends one can ever get in life.

Add little relationship dimension into it, the whole equilibrium gets disturbed. Both have changed in terms of keeping the same old things. Somewhere, relationship broke the foundation with which they built their friendship castle.

Peter is self-motivated person where as MJ isn’t.

Now, 2 part series is enough to realize that, they cannot motivate each other in a relationship. Without the tag of relationship, trust me, they will be inseparable as friends and will last forever. You need to try to know whether it is possible or not possible. They just realized it’s not possible for them in a relationship.

Somewhere both of them will feel it’s not the same rapport they share, what they had before getting into this relationship. I guess parting ways for the sake of friendship will be the best thing to do. Somewhere I feel they can be only friends not couples.

If the relationship doesn’t work, the beauty of their old friendship is that, they are not gonna curse each other or blame each other for the failure of their relationship. It was the attitude of MJ “Let’s try”, both of them did try, but didn’t work out. But they are gonna get stronger as friends once they forget the relationship aspect.

From viewer’s point of view, it would be great if these two great friends be together for rest of their lives. Good Idea, as long as the tag of relationship isn’t there.

While she plans to depart from the relationship, because Peter would never initiate it no matter what. She puts the message, and he tries to change her decision but she wouldn’t. All he thinks while he watches her going away-
“Yes we love each other. We love more than any other person in this world and there is nothing that we would like better than to hold on to each other forever. But she thinks it's not for the best .Its her choice. So no matter how much my heart is going to break; I've got to let her go, so she can know just how much I love her. Maybe if I'm lucky, she'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this”

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.

Of all the romantic moments they shared, things change over a period of time. This was the moment in their lives. It shows the love they had for each other.

Just when the siren sounds loud and sadly, he is gonna miss the words......." Go get them Tiger".

And then he shoots his web on a building and goes on with his life.

Now this will be the thing for the fourth part of the series. Add few anti- heroes we will find a brilliant movie grossing millions of dollars again.

The fifth part???? Who cares? All depends on how Peter and MJ want to be together. Things can change, some are reversible others aren’t.

Meet My Inner Voice

End of a very good week, especially intellectual on personal terms and a good week at work too.

I discovered a lot of things about myself over past one week by introspection and how to improve things so that I can get the joy of seeing others around me happy.... if I am not all that happy.

Somewhere I was thinking, by being nice to someone else, is it me being selfish??
Then it confused me for a while, and then inside me, a voice kept telling
... "Do you feel bad about the way you behave in your life or say
any regrets",
I said "NO".....
"Do you feel bad when you do not get acknowledged for the efforts you have
put in", the inner voice asked me...
"I said, sometimes I do feel bad, because I really don't know whether
what I did was right or wrong and since there is no reply from the
other end, hence no feedback, so I get confused at times, I then go into the phase of introspection and actually I don’t feel that bad at the end of it, if its good, good, if its bad, scope for improvement"

Later the voice asked me" Do u feel at peace and joy when you see
others happy and being joy"
I said" Yes, sometimes I feel, the purpose of me being born is to make
others happy and seeing their smile and them being happy, I will be happy,
No doubts about that, making others feel comfortable and happy is my
driving force"

He asked me" What if you are trying to please people?"
I said" Oh I got it! It’s my instinct which drives to make others life
happy, as long as this instinct survives and receives proper fodder
for survival, it is gonna be ok..... Being a human, it is little tough
sometimes, but then the overall picture comes to my mind, I just think,
I shouldn't be bothered about trivial things, my life is gonna be
great in the path I am traveling now, all I need to do is stay where
I am and just move along the same road.

There will be many pot holes and speed breakers and many different roads, but it is entirely up to me to become aware of them so that I don't lose my way when I arrive
at a junction, this is where I will be meeting many beautiful and not
so beautiful people, there is something I feel I can do by being
myself, so that I can cheer other’s life for a moment when they
desperately need it, but they never asked for it.

The joy I get when I see others being happy, I feel content and if lucky they are gonna be my companions for the rest of my life, if not, its unfortunate that we
just met at a traffic signal or say at a junction or a pit stop.
There will be many such occasions where we all gonna bump into each other
and get a chance to review, if at all we can become companions again or we might not get a chance.

But sometimes, I thinking of a junction ahead than about the junction I am
at present is not all that good. One needs to enjoy one junction at a time
and then progress further, you never know, Kal Ho Na Ho.

But it’s worth giving a shot, there’s nothing to lose. By giving away
something of one’s is never losing, we lose things which were not at
all ours in the first place, but how superficially it appears all the
time?"

The voice said" Enough of your lecture man, when you know what
needs to be done then why you pestering me with such questions?"

I said" Just for kicks, that’s all..... To be frank it’s for a moment I feel I need someone who can comfort me with words and assure me that “everything is gonna be alright”, and make me understand the person I am, sometimes I lose track on such things and start thinking too much, that’s when the calming influence is necessary, but this is just a passing phase and after some time I tend to pick myself and will get back to good, but words can make me better. If I don’t get words from my dear ones I look upon you so
I just ask you (inner voice) and you are my best critic too, hence I shall always be grounded by your words"

The Voice got frustrated and said" Enough man, you are bugging, I guess you would have bugged people also by your talks and that’s why they don't prefer talking to
you" I said for supposedly the last time" True in a way, but I have seen people who
never speak that much to me but still feel good about me, and for few people they love listening and with few others I just don’t speak, just keep listening to them, hence its about being compatible and flexible with the people I meet, its tough, but instead of expecting them to change, I would love to change so that even they can change sometime for the better. It’s leading by example you see rather than accepting my inability and not trying to change.

The voice being adamant asked “How do I say this with surety?”

“Well that’s what is called my gut instinct , that’s enough for me, if I feel good inside, that will be fine, in a true Metallica way 'Nothing else matters' coz what matters is being healthy inside and automatically everything takes care of itself.”

Just when my mom called me for breakfast and very quickly I made a deal with my inner voice.

The voice eventually agreed and to an extent promised that he is going to be honest with his opinions inside me and I promised him, as long as he is honest in giving his opinions, I shall remain honest and translate his honesty into my daily life.

Mere Pass Ma Hain

Have you ever experienced the worst moment of your life? If yes, then what it is??

For me it was the night of August 29^th, a Sunday, 1999. All my cousins from paternal side had been to Balmuri falls, few kilometers from Srirangapatanam, near Mysore.

I had my tests the next day at school. Initially I was very reluctant but finally said yes, a hesitant yes, which I would probably regret later. I had taken my book along with me; somehow I didn’t enjoy the journey.

I was being incipient on that day, while all my cousins were having nice time. I don’t know, but I was having a stuffy feeling right from the day started.

First we went to Ranganatittu, a bird’s sanctuary. The boat ride along the island was something I enjoyed partially.

Even though things around me were so fun oriented, my feelings were somewhat astringent. All day long, I thought I was nervous about my tests tomorrow and that I haven’t prepared at all.

But this was not the first time. All I can say is I was very much artless that day and few of my cousins could sense that I was not all in the mood.

However earlier, one of my sights was RV College of Engineering while we were traveling, all my cousins were praising about the college. I told to myself, I hope one day, I study here.

Coming back, one of my cousins started involving me with respect to arranging things so that the whole trip goes without any hiccups.

The whole day, family around me, were being facetious to every situation they encountered. Hence there was laughter all round; still I was disjointed from the whole group even though I was physically present.

Finally sometime in the afternoon we all reached Balmuri falls. I am scared of water, in the sense by the depth of it.

I am still naïve when it comes to swimming but I am actually stepping into water whenever opportunity presents nowadays.

That day, I was held by my cousin Manju to walk across the stream, one who involved me in the trip planning activities that day so that I get involved.

I was wearing Naveen’s (another cousin) shades. I, advertently, dropped them into the water. He was so pissed. He and his brother (Nannu) tried retrieving it. It was in vain.

I was being morose at this point of time. All I wanted is to go back home and sleep.

Finally at 930 in the night we reach home to see one of our shocking sights ever. My mom and her face fully swollen, left hand covered with plaster and legs badly injured. My eyes were in tears and I just couldn’t believe something like this can happen to my mom.

She is one lady whom I respect for being independent. She never depended on others and for the fact that she had and still sets high standards in discipline; at any cost she is never gonna compromise in this regard.

Doc Report said, she had a twist in her hand and the left hand had become numb. She was not able to lift her left hand completely. Hence for the first time, she was not able to ride and few days later, doctor advised not to ride vehicles. It was a huge setback for my mom; she represented the lady who could do anything without depending on others. Riding her kinetic was her passion. Much to her dismay, it was the last day she ever attempted, its too painful mind you, even trying.

Next thing, I got to know was, she met with an accident while she was crossing the road. My mom was supposed to undergo an operation on one of her organs later next month, and to her fate the doctor’s appointment was scheduled on Sunday, hence she had to opt out of trip.

She had a hit and run incident and luckily one of her friends saw my mom on the road and admitted her to the hospital.

8 years from that day, I still feel a sense of discomfort when I think of this day.

The operation later that month became even more painful and it was tough mentally for all of us in the family. Last year in 1998, I got to know why my is such a powerful lady in the education board and just when I started developing a special bond with my mom, this happened.

Thank God, the operation went well in spite of her being unconscious for some time in the ICU. Initially we were all worried later I thought, she would be fine and become much better, after all there are still lots my Mom has to give to the society. If not us, she will definitely try making our society a better place with respect to education and children's upliftment.

After that day, I always made a special effort to keep my mom happy even when I don’t agree with her totally, I try doing things which makes her feel happy. You know something, I never felt unhappy because she never demanded things to go her way and all I had to do was, just listen as to what she says, even though it might hurt my ego sometimes, just listen…. Analyze, and in the end, I always got to know as to who was right. It was certainly not me.

One best thing about all this is, she never forced me to do anything and whatever I have asked so far, she has always given me a chance to do what I wanted as long as I did it whole heartedly.

In hindsight my mom doesn’t feel bad about her accident, all I can say is, it just made us a bit closer. Incidents like this make a relationship much stronger and for me, I am just destined that I am born to this lady.

True, that in 1975, this line became a famous hit from the movie Deewar, when Shashi Kapoor gives back a reply to Amitabh’s question and this is the one he gives: “Mere Pass Ma Hain” when asked “Aaj mere pass building hai, bank balance hai, tumhare pass kya hai?”

We might laugh when we hear this line on TV when made into spoofs, but deep down its so true and when incidents like this happen, even though I didn’t describe it in full detail, all other things becomes less important and the lady becomes our priority.