WHAT DO I LOOK FOR WHEN I WANT TO GET INSPIRED

There are plenty of websites, books, audio recordings and seminars that are available in order to get inspired. There is no single formula for getting inspired. To get inspired is a personal choice and depends on the individual taste. Like anybody else, I too need constant inspiration(s) to do things. Some aspects are situational, that are bounded by the life we lead and the way it is presented any given point. Rest, i go looking for something to do! However, without any bias, each person at some point in time needs inspiration and here again we interpret this word in different ways.

Are we running short of ideas? Do we lack the spark which we previously possessed? Are we in look out for a change? How can we tackle the same problem with a different approach? How do we seek clarity from a clouded problem? How do we face our fears? How do we accept and manage our responsibilities? How to do just about anything for the first time and carry on doing?

There are many more questions one can ask and one of the key solutions is to get 'inspired'. The best part of getting inspired is that, it has no set patterns. The same story narrated by a adventurer to a large audience can be interpreted in many different ways and in turn get inspired or discouraged, entirely based upon an individual's interpretation and application skills. This is the beauty of creativity - same idea when executed by different people results in different scenarios, products...

"Inspiration to me is... anything that ticks me to take a particular decision, perform a set of actions or even think about getting to a destination - it is a journey of thoughts mixed with choices and actions".  

WHAT DO I LOOK FOR

a. The first and foremost I look is for a situation that needs intervention, a sort of inspiration which would help me take up in order to resolve. Parallely ask, why do I need to resolve? I need not sit in one place and keep pondering. Just wanting to resolve will present ways.

b. Why do I need to get inspired? I peg myself constantly with this question until I am satisfied with the explanation. Often, this answer sets the foundation for future elements. This exercise itself has inspired me many times to just take that hesitant first step. One can call it 'introspection' or 'mindful thinking' instead of just clocking in hours and then feel.. 'what am i doing'? This helps me to be more aware of myself and have an opinion on my choices.

c. Being open-minded while absorbing the inspiration. I believe this is one of the tough things to endure. It is natural to immediately relate any external talks, solutions to our problems. Though it is difficult, I try to be as open-minded as possible! But again, I try!

d. Feel the situation from my point of view. It gets to me to a zone where, within me there is this large pool of untapped thoughts that serves as inspiration. That is how I get inspired impromptu, i.e. a simple act done at a random hour, a regular task performed differently, or even an unrelated business or a task can act as a source of inspiration.

e. And lastly, the process of inspiration has two points. The start and the end (or in some cases, the end is never unless we deliberately put an end to it). I look for the journey from start to finish. This journey gives me a perspective and therefore some sort of inspiration to keep it going, which I may not apply directly - but it all goes into my conscious bank. However, the lesson learnt is the fact that, I undertook many tasks and most of it I went on to fulfil them while few I gave up at different stages of the pursuit. To me, all these serves as sources of inspiration: How to do and how not to do.

To sum it up, getting inspired is a wonderful process. At this moment, unconsciously, subconsciously our body, mind and soul is getting inspired. Take a time out occasionally and live this chain of events that unfold in you - and you will be surprised to witness, inspiration is nothing but an exchange of experiences, of any kind. 

LEARN TO LIMIT AND REAP THE BENEFITS

Have you ever tried searching for the term 'Limit' on Google? I see there are innumerable quotes which many renowned personalities have stated on one's limits. What do these quotes convey? They all pretty much sing to a single tune - 'never allow anyone to limit yourself'. Taking the advice, I have decided to limit myself (instead of others) on things that are essential to my existence.

There are limits in life for a reason. Staying within limits have done wonders in life and at the same time one must remember, it is not easy to define a certain limit. It is not something one can copy looking at what others have achieved. A limit should be defined in life depending on one's own lifestyle, surroundings we live, interests, profession, motivation, commitments, getting out of comfort zone, the need to create new benchmarks and so on....

I do not believe in the adage - 'there are no limits'. From my experience so far, as long as human life is limited (as death is certain), how can one define 'limitless'. Instead, I would say, we can reach a new limit, create a new benchmark, set a new time - all these are possible and within reach. Limitless cannot be measured and hence wonder, how can I achieve that state!

Let me give you an example from my own life. It took me a long time to admit about me not enjoying running long distances (10k and more). Was I limiting myself? No, I have been running long distances for quite some time and it doesn't quite give me the 'kick' I need at the end of it. Since this realisation, I have started to enjoy my short bursts of running and now confident of completing 5k at ease. Currently, happy with this arrangement, I feel my body and mind are in tune with this new set up. And plus, all that's needed is 30 minutes of my time, three to four days a week. That's 2 hours out of 168 hours and I can gradually see the overall benefits devoting this little fraction of time in a week.

 

Now that I have worked out (till the time I realise something new) a schedule, not following this routine is my definition to limit myself. Having many interests in life, committing myself to remain fit is just one of them - a important one indeed. When I know I am good at other things (can improve and learn more) or if I need to give attention to other aspects of life, why do things which is devoid of enjoyment and waste my time on just one aspect? Fitness is important and there is nothing extraordinary here - I have just repacked my fitness schedule (lifestyle) to suit my personality. Let that be running or on a clear day cycling or just walking or just doing some floor exercises, swim, play a sport with friends, partner or kids etc. An idle mind is a devil's workshop, what about an idle body?

Next time when you are encountering a situation where you do not find any time - all you have to do is - get out of everyone's attention and honestly ask yourself, if you want to do this. If the answer is yes, start small, learn to enjoy, and climb up. Ensure you are not giving up other commitments that are necessary and instead you are welcoming a value addition in your life. That's how I look at it. If it is no, well........... I leave that with you! 

THERE IS NO PERFECT.......................................................

I know everyone has been in a dilemma of whether to do or not to do; to have or have not and how!  This feeling is universal and the path is frequently travelled, most times crowded yet it seems like we are all by ourselves. However, what we choose to do with the feeling is something worth talking about. How many times a day, a minute we would have procrastinated 'a certain thing' for later, or even convinced ourselves to do at a time which is perfect? Let me tell you.. there is no perfect time!

There are many tasks which needs an appropriate time; anything before and after is of no use. We all get that sort of commitments and we ably do it. However, there are many jobs which is independent of 'time' is what irks us the most, tests the individuals and a group in general. What are we going to do with the time if we have procrastinated a certain task? Is there something better to do or is it a feeling that comes in between performing that particular task - which easily gets postponed. Or are we just too lazy and oblivious about it?

I have learnt this and yes, I too have procrastinated and will do in the future. Isn't it natural? The question is - when do I procrastinate?

These days, I have started to question the very process of procrastination. I am in the middle of creating a habit of questioning as to why I feel like delaying a certain task with a hope the process will evolve and gradually becomes instinctive.

LOOKING BACK

When I look back, I see a pattern emerge as to what kind of factors motivated me to procrastinate things in my life. I would categorise things or tasks into priority. If I felt it was not important, they would be done at a later stage or I would do certain tasks only when required. Whereas many tasks in our daily lives are instinctive and you know it needs to be done. 

Why so? Because you just know it and you will find a way to get things done...Period! And you do not care much about how others view you and that's the beauty of such a task. It is natural, it's instinctive, it's common sense, it is one's reaction to a certain action and is to a large extent a degree of freedom where you just do without an iota of thought. Such behaviour emerge with practice and being more aware of what ticks you! Just like a feeling of being an artist who has mastered an art. Everyone loves to be in this kind of a zone, I know I do.. but - there are more road blocks one needs to overcome to get to this zone. This is one's behaviour - and whether it is good or bad totally depends on how you define 'good or bad' and how others perceive it.

50:50 CONUNDRUM

I remember a famous quote which was printed on a T-shirt I used to wear during my college days - "A person who thinks he can and a person who thinks he cannot are both right". A beautiful quote which wakes your brain cells and makes you wonder which side of the pasture you wanna graze.

I often go through scenarios in life which I term it as 50:50 conundrums. The more I encounter such situations - more I am experimenting or being adventurous. Or am I taking too much time to learn or adapt? 

I believe this is more of a personality issue. This dilemma which I talked earlier is what tests or perhaps decide a lot of things in one's life.

More often I encounter these thoughts - "How would it be? What will happen? How will they view it? Is it worth doing it? Will someone judge me because of my actions?.... plenty of questions and these questions bog me down at times and has the potential to mask the clarity of what is required; what needs to be done and how it needs to done." Sometimes it makes me wonder - why a certain result is not coming my way, do I need to find other ways?

Personally, this 'feeling of uncertainty and making sense of it' is what makes me learn. I am a person who likes to reach the same destination in different possible ways - well it's just me and I don't think about it. Actually, I do think about it!

Without this conundrum, I would have learnt less I must admit. This uncertainty does not drive me crazy instead it buoys me to 'choose' and go through a series of 'action-reaction' thoughts within myself and try them out in reality. It is a feeling where any feedback is like a progress and this is how I wish to take it. Back in my days as a chemical researcher, I learnt an important lesson. "Even a negative outcome is a result and to get to the objective of an experiment, one cannot fudge the results or tamper with the observations". It is simply against nature - a lesson for life indeed. 

A SECOND LAYER

Beneath the polished mindset lies the second-layer where the 50:50 conundrum is most active. This is where one's character is shaped and one important step away from revealing to the world. This aspect  is what determines how to proceed further and in what direction and most importantly when or just give up. This zone is what I call 'a critical one' - where one is exposed to a lot of things or new scenarios and one doesn't know how to react to it and not confident of taking some actions.

If things go our way as a result of making a choice, we do not think much - a sense of relief surrounds us and we began to wonder - what the fuss was this all about. What if things do not go as per expectations? This is what happens to most of us during experimentation, right? This is when decisions have to be made, one needs to bounce back or come back with another set of ideas or just leave it at that. People get segregated and get defined by choices based on our awareness. It is not the result... it is the innumerable trails which tests whether you have it in you to drag yourself forward.

This is when there are chances to get lost for a while or at least I do... go into a mood of introspection - visualise the sequence of events and come back at it. This is a personality issue and I believe to tackle this - there is no perfect way or to get back there is no perfect time.. I do understand, when in doubt... make a choice towards what you want and accumulate as many responses (it is amazing how humans instinctively select or reject depending on their interests) as possible. Very soon you will be out of this 50:50 conundrum and your actions become instinctive. What's important is - it is ok to be awkward as long as it is part of the learning process.

THE CORE

One needs fuel to execute things in a manner we do. This is what I call as 'the intellectual fuel' - which is present within and replenished as a result of our behaviour and its outcomes in everyday life. It is one's core and the primary source of 'the way we do things in a certain way and be unique'.

This core of mine is a very personal thing. It takes ages to realise why we choose one over the other. This understanding of one's core needs pattern and for that one has to constantly keep doing things. It remains in the comfort zone and seldom takes risks It is a haven and it convinces you to believe your view is the way to go. When surroundings favour such thoughts, the result is 'a blast' and there is little one can do to stop! unless you press the self-destruct button by yourself.

What would you do if you are not being judged? Think about it - dwell on it from time to time because with time this is what it stands out. The most difficult task is to be in touch with this core. And annoying part is... it shows only a part of it and not completely at once. If you are aware of this part - trust me you will have never have to worry about the conundrums. What you think or believe deep inside is what you do?

In most scenarios, one never encounters an ideal match that resonates your core. Either you condition the core to suit the surroundings or be in the constant look out for 'the one'. In both the cases, you invest time, energy to make it comfortable. The 50:50 conundrums continue.....

I know for a fact I have not reached there yet. But all I have understood is that - our life will be determined by the choices we make when we are in doubt. And how we react when things do not go our way is when we get to know more about ourselves.

So here is a food for thought - how motivated are you to reach a state where you do just the way you like without any inhibitions? This to me explains why some people choose to become recluse; stay away from civilizations and yet be available to people at their discretion. And no, I have not met such a person till date in my life... because I believe that's the perfect state one can achieve. As long as you live.. you learn.. and as long as you learn... you are not perfect! 

TREADING ON THE MILL

I believe a personal level of acceptance (Read Previous Post - Why I don't love Running) has helped me understand and look at the concept of 'running' in a completely different way. It is nothing complex, just that I feel a lot freer whenever I run, jog or sometimes 'waun' (walk+run).

All along I wondered - why conform to the norms of training? Though I never took any active measures to really ponder as to what or how I wanted to run. Now.. i want to know more.

I realise the importance of training to suit my body type and to get better with time. I had some ideas and also reading perspectives, life stories of runners helped me to get few ideas on various elements associating with running. However, it is important to start testing those perspectives one by one. I ran, ran from time to time before realising, I was not enjoying it. Instead of holding on to it tightly, I thought about rediscovering the touch by starting from the scratch.

Most would know instinctively, what's möglich and what isn't? It is a matter of effort and it might involve some time (proportional to effort) to trust those instincts and enjoy the process of training. Be it anything, just work out a pattern. Here's what I did:

When I realised I could make use of treadmill to train myself (I hated it before), I was clear as to why I never fancied myself training on a treadmill before. It's simple - I never gave time to the nuances of treadmill training and instead preferred running outside, where I could control speeds and choose roads at will.

Now, I still love running outside but what's changed is that - I do not mind using treadmills. Acclimatising to ever changing seasonal weather also helped me to decide to give treadmill a go.

Ok, coming back to the pattern. This technique is a work in progress. More work has been done and so I can comment on the progress I have had so far. Have a target time and commit to engage yourself on the treadmill - it helped me to define a direction because it was a personal project.

I would suggest 'music' helps - but it masks the feelings you undergo during this process of training. I prefer to hear my feelings out during training and focus on achieving a zone where I just run, oblivious to what's happening around me. Again, choose the method that aids you to train better! To me, I get a lot of ideas if I listen to my thoughts on how to make this process of training better.

Start by selecting a basic walking speed, a factor which indicates the km/h or miles/h. When you start to feel comfortable walking, shake up the order - plan to move outside your comfort zone gradually.

I devised a test on myself to simulate the outdoor running conditions at will. No, it isn't the 3D views of my surroundings! I constantly increase the speed by 0.1 km/h every 30 seconds. I start my training with - say 7 km/h (again this is my comfort zone). A gentle walk for about a minute or two and then I start jogging. The moment I start to jog, I increase the speed by a factor of 0.1 and continue this trend every 30 seconds. Now, my concentration is focussed for those 30s and multiply into as many intervals as you can. My target is not to run more than 5km at any point in time. Start at some speed, run, walk, jog for some time and track your progress.

We all love change for the better. The tougher part is the path. I believe humans are creatures of evolution and not revolution in the long run. So keeping this in mind, my training involves a gradual increase of speed. It does not harm you and will only improve your fitness levels and more importantly the confidence levels. Who doesn't want to feel better? This method of training is one such way of creating 'those feel good factors' within you.

And why am I doing this? I believe in testing my abilities and move towards excellence if not perfection during my lifetime. So I pick up hobbies (trial and error), habits that trigger my brain, fuels my creativity and test my limits. I love experimenting in something I fancy or have an inclination for shaking up the norms from time to time. 

I don't love Running!

I must admit, I took to treadmill very late in my life as a basis of training. There is something about these treadmills that create a feeling of 'suffocation' while I am on it. And this feeling stayed on with me until very recently.

Eureka! It took some beating to accept that I do not prefer treadmills and more importantly I am not a huge lover of running. I prefer running - but I am not a big fan of it. I run when it is needed, I sprint when I least expect it and I speed walk as a matter of habit.

The bottom line is - I don't love running. Oh, this sounds very different from saying - 'I hate running', which I clearly don't. Isn't it?

Now that 'particular ego' has been conquered, let me move on. It has been so far a smooth sailing in the past few weeks when it comes to running. Mind, body and my inner soul connects beautifully whenever I wish to run. The only question I had to answer was - How much is too much?

From the time in college, I began expecting too much out of myself and ended up running 21 km and several 10 km runs. I had injuries to my ankle (not while running) which made me feel not to run for close to two years until the time I started to run again in Doha, Qatar. After having completed few 10 km runs in the past year and a half (five), I realised one important thing - 'I do not enjoy running for more than 30 minutes'.

Yes, it's me! It took me time to come to this level of understanding after having ran in excess of an hour all these years. What a revelation, phew!

Now, I revel in my 5 km runs and not sure how long will this last. However, I must admit I never relished so much during these 20 to 30 minutes of run than I ever had in my 10 years of running life. I believe that's where I learnt a key message - "It doesn't matter where and how you do it as long as you like the process of doing it in the overall scheme of things". And another important message - 'Run your own race'.

This belief of 'enjoyment in the process of running' is the my secret of sorts for constant motivation to turn up any given day and run. And while I am at it, one never knows if this expand my boundaries! and who knows few years down the line, I will be enjoying running the entire duration of 60 minutes or more. For now, I let myself savour this new 'discovery' within me.

Like I said - 'I don't love running' but I am more comfortable with the idea and benefits of it whenever I run these days. And in fact, this discovery has only made me run more regularly and consistently than I ever did in my entire life. To top it, it doesn't matter where and what I run on! 

Connecting Dots of One's Life

Life is a series of dots that we hop or connect during the course of our stay in this world. Each dot represents a momentary feeling that makes us go to the extremes in the emotion quotient. At the same time some are balanced emotional diet to live with.

It’s been a series of dot trips I have had over the past few years; and each represented a significant milestone in some sorts. Not sure how, but somehow I have left a particular dot with some confidence that one day this dot did help me complete the picture. I am no harbinger to pin point exactly how or what significance each dot holds at the moment; bluntly confident enough to say it will for sure.

I quote this line and sometimes did use previously – “The world we live is cynical” if not, at least the events that occur makes us believe it to be cynical”. Yes some part of it is from the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’ and rest is based on my experience. It is our confidence, beliefs, choices and opportunities we make out of things that life dishes out each day, determines the level of cynicism we end up living with.

I ask myself why I chose this particular field. And to be honest, I am not confident in saying this is where I will be in ‘X’ number of years. But the inner fire ignites and gives me a feeling; I will reach that point in life, however unclear it seems at the moment.

How do I identify that particular dot in my life, if I ever to reach in the future? Guess it is all related to my present and to an extent my past life. I cannot change my past but can always look at my present in a different way and move on with it. It isn’t a crime to get stuck with a particular dot, but failing to make an attempt to move, in order to get to the next dot is a crime. Well that’s how I choose to look at it.

Learning from my past, all I can say - There will be the feeling of being on top of the world which is associated when I do reach that dot. That particular day, I can visualize and even go on to say eloquently about the different dots of my life and how relevant it has been to get to that feeling. Till then, I say to myself - “Keep on hoping from one dot to another; you never know when you actually hit that feel good factor button inside us”. Ultimately it’s all about hitting the feel good factors on more occasions at our dot stops.

P.S – I do not know to define the ‘feel good factor’. So it is better left to one’s interpretation.

Movies Imitate Life; Life Imitates Movies

Firstly, after a long time I feel, I have to be honest with myself. I was scared or should I say, I used to feel bad whenever people used to call me filmy or here is a guy who talks about movies, relates the real life situations to movies, makes a mockery of songs and has fun by repeating dialogues from the movies.
Yes, that’s me.... Call me anything, because, name is just a matter of opinion. Previously, I was not accepting this aspect of mine, even though I talked a lot about movies.

Of late, I have learnt, people will love the way you are and love being what you are. This blog is to that few people in my life, who irrespective of how crazy and how much I talk about movies, still love me and tells me to be the way I am. I love them.

I come from a family of movie lovers. One can say, I am a guy who has learnt quite a lot of things from movies, it has shown me few things, answered few questions and more over it has had a positive influence on me. My maternal grandfather, my mother and my maternal uncle have been my biggest influencers.

The more I look at the movies, I somehow feel, there is some connection. I always get connected and feel as though, there is an imitation of life. I love connecting to characters if I can benefit from it. After all, life is all about learning. It can be learning to laugh, learning to be disciplined, to achieve goals, what to do and what not to do.

The beauty of life is such that, we cannot allow movie characters or movie themes to dictate our lives. It can give us a direction but it doesn’t walk on behalf of us. It can point towards the answers, but it doesnt say the right one. In the end, it’s merely an indicator, not a decider; an aspect of movies that appealed me. I have to make a choice for my life and it is similar to the disclaimer of the movies - "All characters and stories are merely coincidental."

Inspirations, without them, there wouldn’t be any artists. Art wouldn’t have had any meaning attached to it. When nature can be a source of inspiration, people and places can be a source of inspiration, why can’t movies and certain elements, which in itself is inpsired by these elements be a source of inspiration?

It doesn’t matter.... All I know is, one cannot create things without inspirations, and if value is attached to the end product then who cares about what inspired them. This is to those few people who do care about inspiration and not just the end product. Movies are product of inspirations of various life styles adopted by humans and if one can learn and become better, then why not?

A New Chapter

Eversince I wrote my last blog, I felt all the remaining days, the purpose of I writing all these years came to a progressive conclusion. Things that seemed expressive found new channels and experiences I chose to share also ceased to exist in my chosen stream.

Until few days ago, due to aforementioned reasons or is this a scenario of looking life from different lens, I pondered to share my ever growing experiences. Years or should I say Wonder years of experience has made me look life in a different mode.

Last few months have been a tremendous experience something I have not had in my life. That's positive according to me. You know why - "Its a burning desire from a personal point of view to experience the same old things in a new way"

There is another side to this - As long as we constantly strive to learn from what we have, and where we are, I am pretty sure everyday seems new day; new day with the knowledge of life brewing constantly, it does seem its different.

It's a feeling where its a thin line between, no man's land and the wonderland. I have been there before and it is a good feeling; but with our persepectives constantly evolving day in and day out, Do we actually feel - "I have been there done that before in a similar way?"

I would say no. Things remain the same, because they are things, with no lives. Our surroundings and perceptions change and evolve with constant learning.

Why I stopped writing - In March early this year, I found a meaning to the title I had chosen for this blog. Now, I have found a new purpose. The new purpose is something that has not taken its total shape, as it is energised by my daily actions and listening to one's instincts.
Like I always believed, the juice is in the journey as I have not reached the intellectual state which would confirm my destination. The Ultimate destination.

I think, this new chapter in my life is about this journey. Looking back, it seems as though I did have my moments to realise who I am as a person and how I look at myself.
As it stands, that was just a trailer. Its time to keep the movie going :-)

Birth by Chance, Life by Choice

When I was born, I did not have the option of choosing my parents. The first lesson I learnt over a long time is to accept my birth was by chance, although it was a choice made by my parents. In a way, I am born through choice, not mine though.

Eversince that, apart from the initial growing years, chances started to diminish and choices started to appear more in the radar of my daily life and the routines associated with it. But in general, choices have mostly dependant on chances. Or should I say, choices appear whenver one gets a chance. I am sure, the other way it is not so clear. Pardon me, at this time of writing, I am looking just at the situations and the choices we make for them.

Staying in a non-English speaking country for the best part of this year has taught me a lot about how not to blame others for the situation I am in. So far, I have got lessons of life that, it is up to me to make a situation look better, if not worse. It is so true, when the situation involves very less people.

Infact, as a whole, by making a choice to change the situation itself is a step closer to reality. We become clear and understand ourselves as to why we are doing a particular thing. In one of the management classes, I came across a beautiful term called 'Self -fulfilling prophecy'. It is as a result of opininated mind, that refuses to believe otherwise, unless one becomes open minded and shed the curtains of narrow mindedness or generalisation.

The truth is, do we have the patience to know the truth? Truth itself is a time consuming process, often when you are confident of something it helps to deal with the frustrations of being in the 'waiting' period. By knowing people who are different and react differently, it has helped me a lot to understand the meaning of patience a touch better. And also, it is a chance to acknowledge the different ways of looking at a situation. I know, I do not personally agree or do what others do. And that is where the word 'choice' comes. I would rather embarass myself with the choices I made at a particular time than look for someone to blame. It is tough though.

Humans as we are, emotionally strive for security or rather crave for the feeling of assurity. Although, there are people who do a lot of 'crazy' (something different from the accepted social norms of a particular society) things, it is a general tendency of the majority to seek comfort. Just like the choice of food, we tend to seek comfort in our own ways and it is this aspect that often leads to conflict.

I am trying my best everyday not to draw conclusions over things as they appear. One can make opinions but must also have the temerity to change it as we proceed towards the path of reality. Time does reveal one's true character and understanding can only happen with time. I feel strongly about this.

The dark side of this strong feeling of mine is that, I have to ensure I do not blame others for anything that happens to me. It is so tempting and few times I still ended up doing and then feel a sense of disgust for having done that.

For an indiviual that is how it must be. What about a partnership? Yes, there is an obligation if one enters the partnership. Somewhere at some point of time the extremeties of the partners must be given away to a more amicable one. Thats what team ethics is all about and so far from what I have seen, relationships have flourished when it is made to work from time to time. Not just looking for excuses.

The other person(s) can have an affect on the partnership. There is no denying in that, then but what about ourselves. We have a choice to either play the game of blame, or just move on with life.

Some people are not given choices, I would say, such people seek comfort in not making choices and believe in things to happen by itself. It looks like a general statement, yes it is. More often than not, people do what is comfortable eventhough they endure pain. I have learnt, pain is a part of the process of believing in someone or something.

I love senorita, although there are situations that makes me to think whether it is a right choice? Everytime when the question of choice arises, I close my eyes and listen to my instincts. It has the same answer as it has been before. I trust my instincts and it is entirely my choice. Senorita is different in a lot different ways; but I am happy overall, because my instincts refuse to pose restrictions on senorita and yet makes me to love her, each time, everytime.

In a way, I trust my eyes more, when it is closed. That way, it gives me a chance to listen to my instincts. Instincts have an eye and they are awake all the time. So I trust those eyes more often than what my actual eyes see. It's a choice afterall.

Asked about Ferrari failing this year, Massa said - "We definitely need to analyse our mistakes and understand how they can be avoided, but I don't think it needs a revolution which the always emotional onlookers demand: it would be wrong because it's not a case of us suddenly becoming stupid. It's the playing field that has changed. We must be aware of that and tackle the situation with a different approach."

Alone in the Ring

Last few months have been quite an experience both academically and on personal front. Things which were available at ease have ceased to exist.In turn, I am learning many new things which will be beneficial as I move ahead. To be honest, technology has ensured we keep in touch with people all across the world. Its easy, yet, we rely on the fact that we are just one touch away from getting connected. So, Honey, Why not later? Whatever.....

Just a small info, I am currently doing my post graduation studies at AISTS (http://www.aists.org/). The subject is Sports Technology and Administration. Yes, its an interesting course for people who love sports and also for people who want to make a career in sports.

The interesting part of this course is that, it is recognised and co-founded by International Olympic Commitee (http://www.olympic.org/). AISTS is situated inside the campus of EPFL at Lausanne, which is also known as the 'Olympic Capital'. The course involves, Sports Managment and Economics, Sports Law, Sports Technology, Sports Medicine and Sociology of Sports. It involves other topics like Extended learning, Transdisciplinary and projects like Team project, Personal project and finally an Internship.

I love Sports, so in a way, it reached a stage as to why not study something about Sports? I do agree, for every decision we have to evaluate our options. I havent taken this course because its cool to study sports. I have a history and it hurts.

I am no good sportsman, I am not worth even being one, because i didnt possess the most vital elements required to be an athlete. That is 'Will and a Purpose'. Years have past. Yes, I was good at playing, but it was just leisure. I never gave myself a chance and in short I wasnt bold enough to take. Thats the truth.

Truth bites, it sure does. How long can I survive, without having to breathe about Sports? Mom was right, she did her best, but I didnt have the will and didnt have the guts to accept it and make a career in Sports.

My Dad was good at basketball and table tennis. Mom did her bit at badminton. What did I do? Sports Quizzing, well thats not great. Its Nothing. This is the ghost, that haunts me and it always did. Its sick, earlier, I didnt even try and just found excuses in order to cover my face. Well, now, it aint no more.

I had a chance to learn that, there isnt always gonna be a second opportunity in life. And all these last few years went in wondering, "What's next best to being an athlete?"

Involve in Sports?
I loved my previous job, but you see, I cant be a human while I carry a ghost around me. I dont know where my future lies, but onething is sure, I never thought I would be here, this time last year. Infact I didnt even think about this course till June the 6th. One particular incident changed my mind. People may call it 'coincidence'. I know it isnt. I applied for a reason to this University within 5 days of deadline and the application reached on the day of the deadline. Anticipation of being with someone will always make you feel better and with this hope, I went ahead. Luck had it, I got the admission. Are you listening someone?

But guess what, I am alone, should I say, 'Alone in the Ring'. Surely, I have no regrets whatsoever. This is how my life was designed and it was all fabricated by my choices. Now, I dont want to be an athlete, but giving myself a shot at being a 'Sports lover' and doing something in Sports Industry would be a nice redemption.

'Alone in the Ring' makes me introspect, sometimes gives confidence and sometimes pulls me down. There are special people in my life whom I look upto, share my feelings and they are very much there. But most times, when I see or hear from them about their lives, perspectives and state of mind, I find it better at those times to just stick to my motions and move on. Everytime is the not the right time to share.

A Writer's Mis(s)-Inspiration

I do have belief in the concept of “Change”. Having perception oriented world around you, it’s always hard to come to conclusion whether things are for better or worse. In any case, experience is attached irrespective of the state of mind we are.

I had an opportunity to meet a person while I was flying from New Delhi to Bangalore. He had everything going for him, in terms of career, a decent family and steady romantic relationship. He told, it wasn’t steady with respect to his girl friend, and it took them 3 years and two break ups to get to this steady state.

One of the things I got to know was his talent for writing essays on philosophy, cars, music and especially about relationship. He doesn’t have a blog to address them, but maintains a note book to pen his thoughts.

He showed me the book and it was empty for last few months. He says he has become too lazy to write these days. Fair enough, responsibilities on the career front were stopping him to an extent. But, at the same time, he was frustrated about the fact that he wasn’t able to write.

He was kind enough to let me read few articles. According to me, the best ones were scattered here and there. Some of them showed his unintentional writing, I mean, writing just for the sake of it, not having a soul.

I pointed this to him and he did agree.

Now the next question…. “Sir, what has been the greatest source of motivation or say inspiration to write such things?”

“Pain….. It’s something which is very much required to bring out the best at least for me. When I look back, I feel my creativity was at its best when I had a hard time with either my family or with my girl friend. I wanted some amount of stir inside me to bring out the feelings, and to be honest, my best writings were when I had something inside, some uneasiness. When I wasn’t with my girl friend, I thought that period to be a great motivating factor because I really loved her and I wasn’t able to convey and convince how much I missed her. All this energy was put on my writings and friends said it was well written, that included my girl friend too”.

Aren’t you being harsh on your girl friend by concluding like this? I asked
“Initially, I did not think this to be the reason. But, if you look back, my best writings came when there wasn’t any clarity in our relationship. Now it’s clear much clear than what it was. You know, I don’t mind this writing. I don’t want to hurt my girl friend by telling what I feel and the reason for my inability to write anymore the way I used to.”

At this point of time, I wasn’t convinced with his argument. It was a sign of him losing his touch since he feels he doesn’t have anything to say to her about how much he cared and loved. I was wondering how his girl friend would react if she finds out about this.

Usually I don’t interfere in people’s way of working or living. But at that time, I felt I had something to say. Also, he did ask my opinion. I chose not to be a diplomat.
“The path of self discovery is very interesting. Now when we decide that this is the person, we are stopping our discovery channel and instead switch to exploring the person on a regular basis. This can be a judgmental call and one has to back oneself and be convinced. It depends what you expect from a partner. If it doesn’t match in the first step, is there any point of exploring. When you say, you are very peace with yourself after getting back with your girlfriend, then it s a positive sign. Life isn’t all about writing masterpieces. If the distance away from your girl friend was your main source of inspiration then think about the kind of inspiration she can be, now that she is even closer. I am sure she doesn’t want you to be upset because of her. I understand we do have our own ways of getting inspired but to me, it isn’t the right way to judge or conclude. If I were in your position, I would have expressed my feelings to the concerned and would find newer ways of looking at things.
In a way, this gives a chance for you to write about things in a different way rather than looking at the same monotonous way. Its time you accepted the reality and allow the change to interact with your writing and analytical skills. Its time for a change the way you looked at things. You asked for my opinion and I have given mine”

He was surprised and looked at me in a suspicious way and asked me “Have you ever gone through something like this?”

I was made to shut within no time. But I did reply, “It doesn’t matter whether I went through this all. I can say, at least I wouldn’t blame anyone but me. I have decided for the little skills I have, it’s me and my own responsibility to find constant inspirations to keep it going. Its tough at times, but beauty of nature and life is such that, it will give a lot of sources, it’s only up to us to choose them” I hope this answers your question.

Didn’t realize, Bangalore was such a short journey. He was in a hurry, we exchanged numbers and that was it. And before saying goodbye, he said, he will look into what ever I had said.

In the end, it didn’t matter, whether it was because of me he got back to his writing ways, I hope he feels great about writing again without having to blame someone else.

"Out of my Instinct Zone"

Few things in life must not be changed, yes I indeed agree with it, unless the replacements are worth for a change.

An instinct each one possesses is a unique strength that demarcates individuals, their decision-making abilities and choice making.

To me personally, I have always trusted my instincts to take control over most situations. It’s not a maxim that I have set; in my brain. It’s a routine or one can say a mundane activity that controls most (99%) of the decisions wherein I do not have to think so much. It’s more in-built.

While on work or doing something different, requires fair amount of new ideas, Can I rely upon my instincts? Well, this question was asked and I did find a solution that seems apt so far.

When one makes decisions we back our experience, expertise and other’s experience. We look into prevailing situations and then end up taking a decision. Before executing, sometimes, I have encountered two possibilities.

One that is defined by logic; wherein one can come to some conclusion with the events that have taken place. This seems to be the best possible solution because it can be backed by certain data or events that have occurred previously. It doesn’t leave much scope for ifs, but’s and eliminates most of the uncertainties.

On the other hand, I have this personality called ‘Mr. Instinct’ who has this sense for the changes that are likely to happen in the future. The logic is very ill logical in this case and it simply doesn’t have a set pattern to explain the unfolding of the events.

Most of my struggles in life were to convince my mind, which takes sound decisions based on facts. Where as instincts, which creates its own route map, tries to convince me to take a decision based on his ill defined logic. But it works trust me.

Dare I say, very rarely I have gone against my instincts. I am indeed fortunate to have a mind and an instinct and their theories to agree to disagree. They agree on most terms and other times, one eventually compromises saying I had made a wrong decision and ends up supporting the other decision.

For the first time, in my life, I have taken a decision that is in direct conflict with my instincts. Now, instincts aren’t behaving the same way. It is indicating the past events and the present situations to keep me reminded about my decision.

If I am unsure, I let time do the talking. I wanted time for making an important decision in my life. I know it could have been a straightforward decision for the state of mind I was.

Finally after weeks on self – assessment, I came to conclusion. I am not backing my instincts.

I am backing my beliefs and my theory towards life. These are logical.

Wait a minute – “you just can’t take decisions without convincing me, hey look, I understand I have difference in views but convince me first and then go ahead with your decision” – Instinct in a repulsive mood.

This made me think a bit more…. C’mon after all someone’s asking me something and I should give. If instinct is asking me to think over again, then I must.

After few days, Fine, Mr. Instinct, I am again going against you. I know it hurts or say it will hurt me in the future for having gone against you or for having expressed my inability to convince you, but I am sure you will be there to support me in other things apart from this. This will be a nice change for both of us.

What made me go against my instincts??

I always believed, in order to attain a greater sense of achievement in life, its not what you conquer, its not what you did, its how you did.

I have few beliefs, which I have acquired as a result of living this life, watching, traveling, reading and by having conversations.

“One must always give another chance, I know it might not work out, but I am not going to lose anything because the equilibrium of karma puts it this way, when you are gaining something, you are bound to lose. Unless we do not experience we cannot say what we gained or lost, we can just have an idea, although one cannot fathom it.” – First reason


“I always told my friends if you want something in life, go ask for it. You will at least get clarity in terms of response you get. So, if you want something from someone, go ask for it. At times, life is too short to play mind and understanding games, one need to express to get what they want.” – Second Reason

Now, someone close (is it?? Asked instinct) to you comes all of a sudden and asks for something… What do you do???

This time I didn’t rely upon my instincts for memories I had. Instead I have taken this as a challenge to convince my instincts that let time heal this… I know time alone cannot heal; it’s my ability to ward off negative energies from my instincts and also the concerned person and situations. If all are in same plane or at least align in one particular direction, then future seems bright or else, I need to answer this question from a book I read….

On the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, which is considered to be highest peak in Africa, there is a carcass of a jackal on the dry snow layers at the peak. Now the question is, why would a jackal go to such an area in the first place, what made it to go such a distance?
Did it know it wouldn’t be getting any food or shelter over there? Why did it go??


I know the answer as to why it went there. Sometimes, we do sense the scent wrong. It seems foolishness for a jackal to go that far. But it just followed the scent and in the end it turned out to be the wrong scent. It followed its instincts and it failed…. Or I would like to put it this way; this so called ‘failure’ became a great example for my life.

I know Ernst Hemingway mentioned the puzzle…. But the solution to it is entirely mine or should I say interpretation based on my experience. The difference between a man and an animal is that man is capable of establishing priorities.

I might change this in the future… because I really don’t know whether I would also end up following the wrong scent of life… I really haven’t followed jackal’s life to come to a proper conclusion.
At present I can say…. I have challenged my norms and for at least one issue I am out of my instinct zone…. It’s a battle nevertheless to prove my decision right to my instincts.

Ultimately, this isn’t any wish. Being with a person I like is a goal…. a long term. This isn’t like any other unformed wish like “I want to make money, I want to win or I want to find true love”. These wishes aren’t goals as per my definition. I want to enjoy the intermediate steps associated with the goals. Analyze them, correct whenever necessary and keep moving on.

At last, this is the hardest part….. Having gone out of my instincts, I have to ensure I retain the confidence and be able to stick to whatever I have decided upon.

Edison remarked “Success is defined as 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”.

Well, I am all ready for 99% perspiration…. Unless and until I get 1 % inspiration from time to time….

From who?

It’s a million dollar question…..

Survivor

It was not the same day compared with others recently, as I reflected upon few things. Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind towards some resolution, which it may never find… I read these lines in a book…

Things have changed to an extent that Karma has started inspiring certain people. I am a great believer of the fact that, one has its own destiny and Karma is truly what I believe in.

Situations encountered over past few months where in I am not allowing the so-called other’s to enter and at times when ever opportunity presents, I panicked and I fled. Because in almost liking someone else I felt disloyal to the only one so far I ever loved.

But with time, I did realize, how much longer could I live this way, forever on my guard lest human feelings catch me unaware?

Freud-himself- once said that for the little things in life we should, of course, react according to our reason.

But for really big decisions, we should heed what our unconscious tells us.
Well not every time.

With time, I have tried many things so far, just to confront as to who I am.

I was wondering, what life would have been if certain things didn’t change? All I say, even I would have been alive.

At times, I am agog with the way things are in life. Also, I feel lonely at times, but there is something that keeps me going.

Maybe it is some sort of inspiration from few friends. And how they overcame the asperity thrown to them. Or it might be lyrics of my favourite songs and or certain pod casts that I have kept for myself when I get bugged. Books help a lot, movies too and trust me talking to people also does. There are many sources for inspiration.

But I like to challenge myself to overcome on my own fighting it out within.
At times, its ambulatory, eventually things do pick up very quickly.

In Pursuit of self-found happiness, I ensure I am not bedizened with false optimism.

Early Morning, or late in the night, I was always fascinated with the thought of everyone being a survivor in this world. Somehow, people survive. Whether we like it or hate it, they just survive.

With some maxims (not the one’s I collect) people tend to move irrespective of the direction.

I might be young, callow in most things, but I am getting an opportunity in life to cross off many things.

Past one year, life has made me to float with confidence and it has also made me come down. It’s just that, my understanding to these subtle changes has become microscopic through my own eyes and inner voice.

These words hit me most of the time…I mean inspire…

Risin' up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Face to face, out in the heat Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

Risin' up, straight to the top Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

I agree the rival is within me and no one else. External rivals are so superficial. That’s just to spice up this life game.

The below video is of course that of my idol, Rocky Balboa and how challenges keep coming at him when in fact he is enjoying his life. Champions are tested all the time, in that sense, I wouldn’t mind being tested at all rather than resting on my laurels.

The song- Of course by Survivor

The Fear Factor!!!

Last week, mundanity returned as I started my journey (I love to call this 2km walk early morning as journey) after a long hiatus. My scheduled journey was interrupted by my travel visits to Goa, Kolkata and Chennai thrice. The wanderlust bug always coincided with my morning walks.

The weather is getting chill, as we approach the mid winter, but still that doesn’t hinder me to get out of my house at around 3 50 early mornings.
Usually, I take the main roads but the shortest route to my stop involves a narrow lane.

I have heard stories in various parts of Bangalore about dog menace. Since I love this shift timing when compared to ‘general shift’, I don’t mind waking up early.

There are reasons which motivate me to get up early. First thing would be, ‘I am a loser if I do not get up, Let what people thing about me being zany, but to me, I would be one loser and ultimately, if I don’t live up to my expectations, does it matter satisfying others in the long run?

I like taking weird routes at times, early mornings provide me an opportunity to walk in dead silence. Since, my house is on the main road, silence is premium which we hardly get. So it’s a good thing to walk through the mist, albeit cool breeze can sometimes be too tough to handle. Nevertheless, we are humans and we have evolved and adapted to various conditions, so more exposure, we shall be alright.

I prefer talking during the next few minutes about how I want my life to go. It makes sense to me to hear what I say since no one around me is making noise. If I am bugging myself, I simply count the steps I take and I ensure over the week, I would have reached a constant number while counting. This is just to ensure how concentrated I am for a particular task when gamut topics and issues are competing to finish ahead in the brain marathon.

I am awake when the whole world is sleeping, % wise, I am correct with this statement. I am walking when others are tired or just about enjoying their sleep. I am getting a chance to utilize this morning to make suitable changes in my life and be better at things which I believed was good previously. I am getting a chance to utilize these early hours to my advantage and finish things which in turn makes me feel as though I have gained time on others.

Ok, enough of me being explicit on why I like early mornings.

The fear element is there, at times, in the past I have chosen different roads to reach since the road ahead were patrolled by dogs occasionally.

I fiddled around four different ways before settling on to the least risk path. Mind you, I was scared one day when group of dogs were just barking as though they haven’t opened their mouth in a long time.

It reached a point wherein the least risk path was also getting affected. Now I loved this road and route. So one day I decided, ‘Its karma’, if I am suppose to be bitten by a dog, I cannot avoid. Slowly I started walking past them, goose bumps all over my body as I went passed them.

Woof, what a relief. The other side of fear is freedom.

Last week, a ferocious dog, just one, was barking and staring at me simultaneously. It was scary. Two seconds, I decided to walk straight without bothering what it might do.

It started barking more, but I was marching ahead without looking at it.

Barking intensity increased but I could notice, it was moving backwards and barking.

Now, I was looking at the dog and approaching it, it was moving backwards and barking. It stopped finally and ran away, stopped and as I went past it, it didn’t do anything.

Am I lucky??? You can club me into that category.

But I would like to look at it this way.

The rest of my walk was more on thinking as to why dog behaved this way.

‘Fear was – Being bitten by the dog.’

Last year, fear was, climbing Mount Abu but I overcame it by facing that fear of losing than avoiding it.

To be frank, I faced fear and started walking towards it. Now all I can think of is,

Exposing to the unknown. I always felt, I feared when I encountered a new situation and fear element was as a result of many uncertainties involved pertaining to what if this new thing goes wrong.

Now, same applied to the dog, when dog barks, normal reaction would be to back off and go backwards or runaway fearing dog bites. Now, this is what a dog expects.

I did completely opposite and to my surprise, I saw dog moving backwards and eventually ceased its ferocity as I kept marching. It was exposed to a zone of uncertainty and hence fear element would creep, so it was confused as to what needs to be done, and by the time it decides, I was through……….

So, in a way, this did give me to understand what ‘Walking towards fear rather than away’ actually meant.

It’s a nice story isn’t it? The one in which I emerged victorious. Things could have been different if dog would have behaved badly or I encountering a mad dog.

But, I always feel, as a student of life, one needs to look at it in all respects, so this time I was convinced ‘You can walk towards your fears and emerge triumphant’. Next time, it may or it may not. But I am happy that I did something different than last time and it worked.

I got reminded of a quote from Anne Frank:
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”

Well, this was just an experience I wanted to share as to how I experimented with my life when same situation encountered. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

Ok, my journey to work is about 90 minutes which is enough for me to catch up on sleep to and fro which makes me sleep at the same time others or in general majority of people choose to sleep.

So what can happen to me tomorrow????

Let’s put it this way….. I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today and never been in such deep love.

It will take some time to pull off those lines in full conviction, but effort has to be made and what better day than today and the best time would be now……….

Om Shanti Om

Fortnight ago one Sunday, I watched OSO (Om Shanti Om). To be frank, quite a mundane movie. The good part was the '31 Stars' video and Deepika Padukone. Overall, it was a time pass movie. I dont want to criticise this movie because it is a super hit (that's what public says).
Well, Farah Khan does know what it takes to make a hit movie. People with no expectations would have appreciated this movie much better. Overall, a slight improvement over her previous movie, Main Hoon Naa. I guess, some people just know what clicks in this ever vacillating film business.

The highlight of the movie: People who have watched tend to agree with. In a parody of Filmfare Awards, there is a nomination of Best Actor category. Akshay Kumar gets his nomination in the movie 'Return of the Khiladi'. The rushes shown were just too brilliant. Watch this video

Now Watch this : This one's my favourite

The Above video is from the 2003 Swedish Movie 'Kopps'. Well, OSO was not just about Indian cinemas of yesteryears relived, but a touch of international as well.

The Stick Game!!! Chak De

I am writing this as a fond memory of a person who was instrumental in me picking up a game which I wasn’t aware at that time (1991-92), although it was short lived.

Meet, Dr. KrishnaSwamy, a highly respected doctor, who was revered for his skills as a doctor in Chintamani, Kolar district. He retired and spent later part of his life with each of his son’s place. (3 to 6 months on a shift basis).

To me, he was known as a person whom I heard my cousins calling him ‘Doctor Thatha (Dr. Grandpa)’. This was how I knew him when I was barely 3 years old. Since, I do not remember much time spending with him till I reached 7 years; I am unable to recall any sort of interaction with him prior to this.

It was 1991 and towards the end of the year, I vividly remember, he was staying at our place. By this time, I was famous or say infamous at times for my antics both at home and everywhere my parents took me along. Dennis the Menace, my nickname and co-incidentally Dennis is also the name of one of my sporting idols (Dennis Bergkemp from Netherlands).

Flash Back 1991-92:
Early morning, I used to wake up. My grandpa would be chatting with my mom. He used to be a helping hand to my mom, making her task a bit easy by cutting the vegetables and catering other needs. He just loved doing all such things especially pertaining to kitchen stuff.
I fondly remember, one day, unwittingly I asked him; ‘I am 7 years, how old are you?’
I didn’t get an answer, he just replied, I am too old. I didn’t question him further.

He wasn’t the urbane sort of doctors I had seen previously. Doctors to me were the people who were associated with syringes, vitriolic tablets; which my mom used to crush and dissolve it in hot water for appeasing me whenever I refused to swallow a tablet.

I never believed the fact that he was a doctor. He never dressed up like one and never had a clinic. Although, I did see him go to our neighbour’s house now and then and do a routine check up, mainly through words and at times by prescribing few medicines.

He was bald, had a charming face, and used to smile very often. Never, I saw him get depressed either with his age related problems or any other issues. He was vivacious and that helped me because I never liked people who were idle and morose. I wanted everyone to play alongside me or at least allow me to play my pranks.

555 was his brand which I wasn’t aware till I caught him once in the restroom and asked him, what’s this smoke doing here and why it is smelling bad and vitiating our restroom ???
He was embarrassed and later my dad told me, it’s same as what your uncles do. That was it, I mean, it was an explanation for what we call ‘smoking’ and somehow I wasn’t curious ever after in my life to find out what exactly it was or how it tasted.

One thing I was fascinated about my grandpa was the way he used to feed me right after I returned from school. He used to make a glass of hot milk for me, it had boost in it. I used to love boost because it was associated with cricketers. I am not sure, whether Sachin used to endorse it in 1991, but I am sure after 1992 World Cup, Kapil Dev and Sachin did endorse the brand.

Later, I had a penchant to the taste of Bournvita powder compared to boost; hence I stopped drinking boost, instead started eating lots of Bournvita powder for which my teeth used to be coated with brown powder and my mom and dad used to blast me.
Till the age of 15, I was addicted to eat Bournvita powder.

My grandpa hated me for one reason. I used to run away with his walking stick whenever he wasn’t using. Be it while he was at our neighbour’s place or at our place, he was always being vexed by me and especially when I used to snatch his walking stick in front of him.

He used to shout and I knew, it was momentarily, because he wasn’t vindictive in his approach, not even complaining to my parents. But whenever I did this in front of my parents, my mom used to give me a glare but my dad never said anything.

Now what was in this stick that made me go crazy over it? I was a fervent follower of sports, mainly cricket and tennis at that time.
I had my cricket bat but I used to use this stick to imitate an innings of a cricketer when he had scored big runs, replicating shot by shot, giving commentary to myself, (it had similar words those used by the commentators) and used to enjoy vicariously what a cricketer went through.

Sometime, after 1992 Cricket World Cup, I read a funny name in one of the sports columns of Deccan Herald. In local language his last name sounded funny. ‘Pillay’ and I used to call many people as Chota Pillay (small dwarf). I was 8 years and look at me; I used to call my peers by this name.

He played a game, what I called as ‘stick game’. And believe it or not, the hockey stick resembled my grandpa’s walking stick.

After a yearning Cricket World Cup for the Indian team and us having to watch others play, Olympics was something which everyone were looking for. I was sad not to see India in the 1992 World Cup finals, but cricket was my priority and religion, so it didn’t matter at all.

After getting impressed with the game of hockey, I used his stick to play hockey in our house compound. Using tennis ball, I used to dribble and scored goals with wall being the goal post.

I never played this sport outside our compound because, only I had the stick and not even a single friend had a grandpa who used walking sticks. Quite healthy those grandpas I must admit. Mind you, it wasn’t easy at that time to buy a hockey stick because; we had just bought a cricket kit and my parents and my friend’s parents didn’t agree when we asked for a hockey stick.

So hockey happened to be a solo sport for me.
But, crazy that I was, few months later when we bought cricket wickets, we used that to play hockey.

My grandpa’s hockey stick, I mean, walking stick served my so called ‘an insane’ ambition of playing hockey.

This routine of stealing his stick continued for months.

Oct, 1992. A grand party was arranged at our terrace. All possible cousins and relatives gathered on this occasion. The occasion was: ‘Grandpa’s birthday’.
On top of the chocolate cake, these words were creamed –‘Grand Dad 82’. The party was organized by my father and my paternal uncles.
“My grandpa is 82 years”, wondered I.

Instant ramification of the party was to see my grandpa being shifted to one of my uncle’s house. Although, it was very close to our house, I could sense a void of him not being there. Of course, it wasn’t just for the stick, but I really missed him.

Four months later, in Feb, 1993, he passed away at our uncle’s place while my mom was feeding him with a glass of water. He was diabetic and hence the heart attack he suffered didn’t come to our notice. I was at home sleeping when he departed.
Next day, it was just hard to believe that he was no more. I had seen people die in the movies, but, to me, this was the first time I ever had to witness the lamenting situation.
Being a grandson, I was made to do some rituals, just like my other cousins performed.

The stick was burnt along with his body and except for few photos and memories; there aren’t any vestiges of him left with me.

Some years back, I did find few letters which he had written to my mom while he was at our uncle’s place. He used to mention my mom as ‘DIL’ (Daughter-in-law) in short, while he wrote his daily routine and other things.

I haven’t seen the movie, ‘Chak De India’ till date. I haven’t seen full promos of the movie till date. All I have heard is, it resembles the life story of Mir Ranjan Negi, former Indian hockey player, it’s a good movie and Preethi Sabarwhal played by Segarika Ghatge is hot.

But the whole notion of the movie being based on our national game brought back those days when I used to snatch the walking stick from my grandpa.

In hindsight, I feel, I would have enjoyed a lot more talking many things about life with him if he were to be around today.
Rather than cribbing about him not being there, I was at least destined to have met him even if it was for a short time.

I never played hockey from past 13-14 years, because it never suited my fellow mates, also, we enjoyed cricket, soccer, tennis and baseball more than hockey.

I hope the trend changes and soon we see hockey reach the heights once again and add more Olympic gold medals with 8 already being won (World record – 6 in a row from 1928 Amsterdam to 1956 Melbourne). The last one was at Moscow in 1980.

This is to my grandpa and his wonderful walking stick. Hope grandpa’s walking sticks can do wonders to reignite the passion of hockey which is at its nadir at the moment.