I know everyone has been in a dilemma of whether to do or
not to do; to have or have not and how! This
feeling is universal and the path is frequently travelled, most times crowded
yet it seems like we are all by ourselves. However, what we choose to do with the
feeling is something worth talking about. How many times a day, a minute we
would have procrastinated 'a certain thing' for later, or even convinced
ourselves to do at a time which is perfect? Let me tell you.. there is no
perfect time!
There are many tasks which needs an appropriate time;
anything before and after is of no use. We all get that sort of commitments and
we ably do it. However, there are many jobs which is independent of 'time' is
what irks us the most, tests the individuals and a group in general. What are
we going to do with the time if we have procrastinated a certain task? Is there
something better to do or is it a feeling that comes in between performing that
particular task - which easily gets postponed. Or are we just too lazy and
oblivious about it?
I have learnt this and yes, I too have procrastinated and
will do in the future. Isn't it natural? The question is - when do I
procrastinate?
These days, I have started to question the very process of
procrastination. I am in the middle of creating a habit of questioning as to
why I feel like delaying a certain task with a hope the process will evolve and
gradually becomes instinctive.
LOOKING BACK
When
I look back, I see a pattern emerge as to what kind of factors motivated me to
procrastinate things in my life. I would categorise things or tasks into
priority. If I felt it was not important, they would be done at a later stage
or I would do certain tasks only when required. Whereas many tasks in our daily
lives are instinctive and you know it needs to be done.
Why so? Because you
just know it and you will find a way to get things done...Period! And you do
not care much about how others view you and that's the beauty of such a task. It
is natural, it's instinctive, it's common sense, it is one's reaction to a
certain action and is to a large extent a degree of freedom where you just do
without an iota of thought. Such behaviour emerge with practice and being more
aware of what ticks you! Just like a feeling of being an artist who has
mastered an art. Everyone loves to be in this kind of a zone, I know I do.. but
- there are more road blocks one needs to overcome to get to this zone. This is
one's behaviour - and whether it is good or bad totally depends on how you
define 'good or bad' and how others perceive it.
50:50 CONUNDRUM
I remember a famous quote which was printed on a T-shirt I
used to wear during my college days - "A person who thinks he can and a
person who thinks he cannot are both right". A beautiful quote which wakes
your brain cells and makes you wonder which side of the pasture you wanna
graze.
I often go through scenarios in life which I term it as
50:50 conundrums. The more I encounter such situations - more I am
experimenting or being adventurous. Or am I taking too much time to learn or
adapt?
I believe this is more of a personality issue. This dilemma
which I talked earlier is what tests or perhaps decide a lot of things in one's
life.
More often I encounter these thoughts - "How would it
be? What will happen? How will they view it? Is it worth doing it? Will someone
judge me because of my actions?.... plenty of questions and these questions bog
me down at times and has the potential to mask the clarity of what is required;
what needs to be done and how it needs to done." Sometimes it makes me
wonder - why a certain result is not coming my way, do I need to find other
ways?
Personally, this 'feeling of uncertainty and making sense of
it' is what makes me learn. I am a person who likes to reach the same
destination in different possible ways - well it's just me and I don't think
about it. Actually, I do think about it!
Without this conundrum, I would have learnt less I must
admit. This uncertainty does not drive me crazy instead it buoys me to 'choose'
and go through a series of 'action-reaction' thoughts within myself and try
them out in reality. It is a feeling where any feedback is like a progress and
this is how I wish to take it. Back in my days as a chemical researcher, I
learnt an important lesson. "Even a negative outcome is a result and to
get to the objective of an experiment, one cannot fudge the results or tamper
with the observations". It is simply against nature - a lesson for life
indeed.
A SECOND LAYER
Beneath the polished mindset lies the second-layer where the
50:50 conundrum is most active. This is where one's character is shaped and one
important step away from revealing to the world. This aspect is what determines how to proceed further and
in what direction and most importantly when or just give up. This zone is what
I call 'a critical one' - where one is exposed to a lot of things or new
scenarios and one doesn't know how to react to it and not confident of taking
some actions.
If things go our way as a result of making a choice, we do
not think much - a sense of relief surrounds us and we began to wonder - what
the fuss was this all about. What if things do not go as per expectations? This
is what happens to most of us during experimentation, right? This is when
decisions have to be made, one needs to bounce back or come back with another
set of ideas or just leave it at that. People get segregated and get defined by
choices based on our awareness. It is not the result... it is the innumerable
trails which tests whether you have it in you to drag yourself forward.
This is
when there are chances to get lost for a while or at least I do... go into a
mood of introspection - visualise the sequence of events and come back at it.
This is a personality issue and I believe to tackle this - there is no perfect
way or to get back there is no perfect time.. I do understand, when in doubt...
make a choice towards what you want and accumulate as many responses (it is amazing how humans instinctively select or reject depending on their interests) as
possible. Very soon you will be out of this 50:50 conundrum and your actions
become instinctive. What's important is - it is ok to be awkward as long as it
is part of the learning process.
THE CORE
One needs fuel to execute things in a manner we do. This is
what I call as 'the intellectual fuel' - which is present within and
replenished as a result of our behaviour and its outcomes in everyday life. It
is one's core and the primary source of 'the way we do things in a certain way
and be unique'.
This core of mine is a very personal thing. It takes ages to
realise why we choose one over the other. This understanding of one's core needs
pattern and for that one has to constantly keep doing things. It remains in the
comfort zone and seldom takes risks It is a haven and it convinces you to
believe your view is the way to go. When surroundings favour such thoughts, the
result is 'a blast' and there is little one can do to stop! unless you press
the self-destruct button by yourself.
What would you do if you are not being judged? Think about
it - dwell on it from time to time because with time this is what it stands
out. The most difficult task is to be in touch with this core. And annoying
part is... it shows only a part of it and not completely at once. If you are
aware of this part - trust me you will have never have to worry about the
conundrums. What you think or believe deep inside is what you do?
In most scenarios, one never encounters an ideal match that
resonates your core. Either you condition the core to suit the surroundings or
be in the constant look out for 'the one'. In both the cases, you invest time,
energy to make it comfortable. The 50:50 conundrums continue.....
I know for a fact I have not reached there yet. But all I
have understood is that - our life will be determined by the choices we make
when we are in doubt. And how we react when things do not go our way is when we
get to know more about ourselves.
So here is a food for thought - how motivated are you to
reach a state where you do just the way you like without any inhibitions? This
to me explains why some people choose to become recluse; stay away from
civilizations and yet be available to people at their discretion. And no, I
have not met such a person till date in my life... because I believe that's the
perfect state one can achieve. As long as you live.. you learn.. and as long as
you learn... you are not perfect!
