OUT OF ONE'S COMFORT ZONE

A Tribute to the Ever Green Star....... Romancing Life Forever

2011-12-05T12:45:00.001+05:30

“Hai Apna Dil thoAwara” (movie Solva Saal), these words were slightly inquisitive to me and Ivividly remember listening to this in the tape recorder. My maternal aunt, whoused to hymn this song, played it over again and again. I didn’t know who theactor was and what this was all about. I was three or even four when thishappened. Few years later, I got to know it was the song of Dev Anand and myaunt was not the only one who was a big fan of his.

Interestingly enough, as an eight year old kid, the movie Ienjoyed about his was ‘Awwal Number’ not because of the story but because ofthe cricket in it. I lived my school years watching his movies sporadically asand when it appeared on television, until one fine day....

That particular moment happened sometime in 2000, as I waslooking for some old classics, I found this CD. Mohd Rafi and Dev Anand andthus started a special journey. ‘Tere Mere Sapne Ab Ek Rang Hai.....’

I had three weeks before my final exam and I was hooked tothis song. The movie was Guide and it starred Waheeda Rehman alongside DevSaab. R.K Narayan had written the novel and Dev Saab had produced this moviewhich was directed by his younger brother Vijay. Looking back, the curiosity ofGuide took me deep into my hobby of researching movies. Prior to this, I knewfacts of some movies but never went a step ahead in knowing why? I wanted to knowwhy such a song existed in the movie Guide. Why is the title of the movie‘Guide’? Why not any other Hindi name?

With such heavy thoughts, I was studying hard on subjectslike mathematics and was in the library picking up books. I saw the novel‘Guide’ lying on the table next to a rack. Instead of two books of mathematics,I took one and other being ‘Guide.’

I so wished Guide to be part of my English chapters, it wouldhave helped me reading and look like a stud in front of my English teachers(mostly they were females). But my thirst for knowing more about Guide overpoweredany such thoughts and I began reading. The story of Raju, the Guide hisencounter with Rosy, the dancer and her recluse husband Marcos and Raju’sfriend Gaffur, the driver; I could visualise why such a song would have beenwritten. I felt at the end of Guide, it wasn’t just about the Raju I wanted toknow, it was about the man and his movies that brought ‘Raju’ on the screen.Like a good boy, I finished my exams and then started my quest on knowing moreon Dev Saab movies.

My mom was a kid and really young when Dev Saab was at hispeak and hence my information was limited, nevertheless she provided a lot offacts concerning him. It so happened while spending post exam holidays with mygrandparents I got to know more about my grandpa’s fascination for movies andwanted to know more about the movies he used to watch and in particular about DevSaab. Just to give an idea, my maternal grandfather is a greatconversationalist and let it be any topic, he would have his opinion and alwaysin a way the other person would want to hear. He made people laugh while conversingyet provides the most important details; I really like that thing in him.

We started our conversation on movies and by that time myquotient on Old Hindi movies was getting enriched with many internetresearchers and by reading backdated issues of Filmfare (I used to subscribethem) and the introduction of Star Gold channel on television. I was fifteen andfew months older by this time as I went about watching his movies andcollecting all his favourite songs.

His movies echoed something new each time since his debut in1946. After his debut in ‘Hum Ek Hain’ he had to wait a good two years beforehe was toasted as the next big thing. The 1948 movie ‘Ziddi’ made him aninstant superstar and raving on the success, Dev Saab got into the movieproduction business not surprisingly the production name was NavketanInternational was formed in 1949-50. Navketan means ‘newness’.

He was successfully paired with established actress Suraiyaand even was left heartbroken when his proposal was rejected by Suraiyagrandmother because of religious issues. Dev Saab and Suraiya made seven moviestogether and all were a success at the box-office. The last of the seven movieswas released in 1951.

I remember watching the movie ‘Taxi driver’ on a Sundaymorning long time ago. I was fascinated by the movie titles he came up with,especially the English titles. I am not sure if this was due to his heavyHollywood influence or his background in English literature. Nevertheless, histitles were unique to the movie generation of the 1950’s and next. House No.44, C.I.D, Paying Guest, Love Marriage, Jewel Thief, Gambler etc. It was duringthe filming of ‘Taxi driver’, he got interested in Mona Singh aka KalpanaKarthik and married after the movie got released. The pair went steady tilldate.

In my short movie research history, I can say no one hasbeen given such adulation in spite of how movies performed in the box-office.Since 1971, he made 33 movies (latest being ‘Charge sheet’ which released inSep 2011) but none hit the top mark. But yet, he went on..... Reminds me of theline ‘Mein Zindagi ka saath Nibata Chal Gaya’ from Hum Dono, the very same songI remember my granny hymning while cooking my favourite dishes. She gives asmile and has her own memory of Dev Anand. She remembers ‘Hum Dono’ a lot,which happens to be one of the first double acting movies in the Indian moviehistory.

Widely termed as the Gregory Peck of Bollywood, he had createdhis own niche in the movie industry. Be it dialogue delivery, the head nods orthe style with which he went about making movies; it was creative in motion. Heintroduced the gangster movies to Indian audience, the first stand out romantichero of Bollywood, an experimenter having many pot-boilers to his credit andthe songs. Oh yes, the songs that will remain forever with ages to come. Nowonder he chose the title ‘Romancing Life’ as the name for his autobiography.

He is no more and the great towering personality ofpositivity has left the world. Dev Saab known as the ‘ever green’ star wasalways full of life, a life filled with optimism. Again my mind goes back tothe movie Guide and I remember the line, ‘Aaj phir Jeene ki Tamanna Hai’ (Iwould like to live again today) and it was how he lived his 88 years livingeach day.

My Thoughts on Freedom on 'A Wednesday'

2011-09-14T15:38:00.000+05:30

At first go, it seemed like – Man, I should have watched itwhen Saagar’s (a good friend of mine from college) mom recommended me this movieway back in 2008. Since that day, I never really bothered to watch or think toomuch about the movie. I was on my way to higher studies and this movie nevercrossed my mind until few days ago when I saw a status on my wife’s Facebookwall. The status read this way - “I was watching A Wednesday some days backand loved it for the sheer cheek of Nassiruddin Shah as a common stupid man! Ithink now we need more and more of them!!”

I didn’t look at the reviews and neither I knew what the plot was. All I knew; it had Nassiruddin Shah andhis role was really good as told by Saagar’s mom. After reading the status lastweek, I got interested and I decided to watch this movie. Sheer coincidence Ichose a Wednesday to watch this movie.

The screenplay was quite impressive and I liked the flow withwhich the movie moves ahead and concludes. No songs and that’s a plus in suchmovies and there wasn’t any violence in the story. It was artistic and moviesare all about communicating one’s stories and this definitely did.

To add my personal view, somehow I always got a feeling while watchingthe movie, the stupid common man played by Mr. Shah isn’t a terrorist nor doeshe have grand plans to upset the normal public life. It was his way to dealwith the justice. “We are resilient by force and not by choice” and franklythis line quite sums it up the voice of a common man. We live in a countrywhere a common man is suppressed to make his choice, by and large forced tomake a living. The patriotism in us isn’t just talking about injustice; it isabout making a difference and showing the way.

I read a quote yesterday – “An activist is not a person whocomplains about the surroundings being dirty, an activist goes about cleaningthem”. This very act of his seems foolish to most of us when he could have leda less stressful life by not getting into it at all. This quote summed up as towhy the protagonist, the unknown caller calls himself as a ‘stupid common man’.

I have been asking this question since my college days to myself –“What it takes to lead a better life?” Over a period of time, I have come to understand that, the answer lieswithin us. Only I can define the better life I want to have and for that, Ineed to get to know my inner self and where it wants to be. This I believe isan on-going process and will only get better with time. If I am not happy withthe surroundings I am in, all I can do is, change it and hope for a bettertomorrow.

We fought for our freedom and finally a date was chosen, 15^thAugust to celebrate our freedom. But deep down we all agree with ourselves weare far away from freedom. And what is the meaning of having freedom? It is tolive by choice and not by force.

To be free isn’t just having a corrupt free government, it goesbeyond it. Although it isn’t easy for me to accept this wholeheartedly attimes, but the truth is, each individual gives his/her best act based onhis/her set of beliefs at any instant of time. In an ideal world, everyone cando anything and yet no single individual will suffer. This is the definition offreedom according to the ideal life. In practical terms, what (freedom) seemslike a panacea may actually be a potion that would stop our evolution as ahuman.

I am attached to a lot of people, things etc unless I get rid ofeach and every one, I may never be able to attain freedom. Or is it arestriction I am putting on myself? Well it is all about my choice. I just haveto accept the fact that, I just have a place in this world and I have a role toplay. And at the same time, acknowledge the fact there will be others withtheir own set of ideologies living around me. There will be a clash in some wayor the other from time to time. That’s the very essence of work in progress. On the other hand, there will be somewonderful moments. Important is to strike a balance according to one’sidiosyncrasies. Understanding oneself seems the most effective solutionaccording to me. It is by far the best homework to understand others.

With respect to freedom, all I can say from my experience is that;there will be brief moments in life where our mind will think, our heart willfeel things without any notion of fear. Such a condition to me is freedomespecially in the world we live. How long it lasts? I do not know but I cansafely accept the fact that I look forward to such moments more and more.

‘A Wednesday’ is a 2008 thriller movie made in Hindi. Directed byNeeraj Pandey, this movie was well received by the audience due to itsbrilliant story and a well twisted ending. The cast apart from Nassiruddin Shahincludes Anupam Kher, Jimmy Shergill, Deepal Shaw and Aamir Bashir insupporting roles.

My short Independence Day Speech

2011-08-16T18:03:00.001+05:30

You know whenever I read about our Constitution; it makes me wonder, as to what is independence? Was it just a day? Or was it a starting point of something significant? What has happened to India isn’t just the result of India but also a combination of the inconsistencies across the globe and co-incidences?

Irrespective of how we have come along these 64 years, I still can say, India is its own competitor and one needs to look in before looking out. I never realized much about being an Indian when I was in India, because I didn't quite realize what it feels and over the last few years, whenever I am outside of country, my passport (which is the defining factor mostly) speaks a lot and then we meet people. Many are informed about India through different opinions and all I add is another opinion from a Indian perspective. Believe me, there are several perspectives to a particular thing just like we have several Gods and Goddess in our mythology. We fight to prove our perspectives are right, but I guess I realized that's the beauty of the country I was born.

"All differences in this world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything." - Swami Vivekananda

India over the years has made people give their opinions and that I feel is a freedom of speech. So in that sense I am independent to give out my opinions. That's fine until now. I sense we need to move ahead and take a step forward with conviction that action speaks louder than opinions. I believe we are seeking to be independent more than ever before, at least in my generation of living. We the people haven't realized the power of the government that is made by people alone. We need to understand the importance of being a drop and its contribution to the ocean. I seek our country to be more self aware and for that each individual to be self-aware before going out and condemning things.

Like Swami Vivekananda said - "The goal of mankind is knowledge... now this knowledge is inherent in man. No knowledge comes from outside: it is all inside. What we say a man 'knows', should, in strict psychological language, be what he 'discovers' or 'unveils'; what man 'learns' is really what he discovers by taking the cover off his own soul, which is a mine of infinite knowledge."

India is merely a geographical land if we remove the masses from it. So in that sense I have to think of the power we people hold. We can accept, we can change and at times we can hope for the better.

"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies" - Shawshank Redemption

Connecting Dots of One's Life

2011-05-31T21:14:00.001+05:30

Life is a series of dots that we hop or connect during the course of our stay in this world. Each dot represents a momentary feeling that makes us go to the extremes in the emotion quotient. At the same time some are balanced emotional diet to live with.

It’s been a series of dot trips I have had over the past few years; and each represented a significant milestone in some sorts. Not sure how, but somehow I have left a particular dot with some confidence that one day this dot did help me complete the picture. I am no harbinger to pin point exactly how or what significance each dot holds at the moment; bluntly confident enough to say it will for sure.

I quote this line and sometimes did use previously – “The world we live is cynical” if not, at least the events that occur makes us believe it to be cynical”. Yes some part of it is from the movie ‘Jerry Maguire’ and rest is based on my experience. It is our confidence, beliefs, choices and opportunities we make out of things that life dishes out each day, determines the level of cynicism we end up living with.

I ask myself why I chose this particular field. And to be honest, I am not confident in saying this is where I will be in ‘X’ number of years. But the inner fire ignites and gives me a feeling; I will reach that point in life, however unclear it seems at the moment.

How do I identify that particular dot in my life, if I ever to reach in the future? Guess it is all related to my present and to an extent my past life. I cannot change my past but can always look at my present in a different way and move on with it. It isn’t a crime to get stuck with a particular dot, but failing to make an attempt to move, in order to get to the next dot is a crime. Well that’s how I choose to look at it.

Learning from my past, all I can say - There will be the feeling of being on top of the world which is associated when I do reach that dot. That particular day, I can visualize and even go on to say eloquently about the different dots of my life and how relevant it has been to get to that feeling. Till then, I say to myself - “Keep on hoping from one dot to another; you never know when you actually hit that feel good factor button inside us”. Ultimately it’s all about hitting the feel good factors on more occasions at our dot stops.

P.S – I do not know to define the ‘feel good factor’. So it is better left to one’s interpretation.

Why History

2010-12-21T16:28:00.004+05:30

I am browsing the site History.com, i ask myself a question. Why am I so fascinated with history? Its indeed a thought provoking question. In the most neutral sense, it means nothing but my preference over gamut of topics we come across in daily life.

If I ask myself honestly at this moment I can say; I love listening, watching and telling stories. I love sports and movies. To stretch it a bit further, I love the historical journey of my aformentioned favourites in particular.

This doesnt mean, I do not like the present day situation. To me, in order to completely appreciate a particular situation in the present context, I want to know the history behind it. Philosophically, this is how I look at life in general. 'How I was' is an important connection to 'How I am' and a catalyst to 'How I will be'; because in a short time, 'How I am' shall pass and becomes history in due course.

In that sense, history is important and it just gives an indication through which one can fathom how the trend has shaped over time. Paying due respects to the 'present moment', I say, the choices of the present that shapes the future, as well as to come to a point of choosing is dictated heavily by history. Hence, history is a key element according to me to know and to understand anything in general.
I do have resources to learn history but I do feel, we can do a lot more with history. History in some way is awareness, not entirely real, if considered in present context. It is a starter, sometimes more than a appetizer to make choices that would shape my future.

In the end, it is neither history nor astrology that define our lives..... It is 'Present'. And the key element that connects 'Present' is history. Human life is all about being aware and ignorant at the same time. According to me, History helps us to be aware and ignorant; depending on its relevance in our present life.

A totally mirror approach would present the future studies in a similar way. I choose and all these years chose history for several reasons unknown. Sometime in my journey, when I am able to connect more dots, I can refine and put it in a better way as to why I like history.

Sing as though no one's listening

2010-12-14T23:35:00.010+05:30

It is one of those days when you are in full song. Quite literally as you walk past the mild fog while humming the song that’s on the mind. I do not intend to think much into why this is happening. In a strange way, I am beginning to like the winter and the coolness associated with it. It's a pain waking up and accidentally touching one's feet on the cold marble floor. It feels like walking on frozen ice. Trust me, in places where there is no provision for centralised heating; it can be quite an experience. But, that's how it is and you know, in the end it’s an experience :-)

I am making my breakfast after having a really hot shower, the feel of which would last few seconds, before the cool ambient air surrounds my body and I run towards my wardrobe. Actually, I don't run, but if I am walking on my barefoot, oh man, it is really running time.

After a long time with Delhi summer, it’s been layered clothing from past two to three weeks. It is good to see people experimenting with lots of combination with their outfits. In fact, I love watching others during winter. When I am walking, exchanging pleasantries is a nice feeling. When fully equipped in the clothes section, I must admit, I love winters all the more.

Coming back to the singer in me, it is something nice when you walk around streets and singing songs from inside. Very oblivious to events around me and all I am bothered is to enrich the experience and feel it completely. In this regard, I love walking more than running, because of it being more rhythmic to my moods. I guess, I haven't mastered to sync the run with my moods when compared with walking. This is my assessment. Is this the feeling, "My Dil goes Hmmmm"? Well, I am trying to ask too many questions here and I don't feel like thinking about it....

This feeling was warmed with the hot mushroom soup which I had few minutes ago. A bonfire with a book is something ideal considering the fact, I am all by myself.... Well, things could be much better; but you don't feel bad...It’s just one of those days when you are in this kind of a mood. One such mode where I am singing it loud as though no one's listening :-)

Can you hear the song I am singing? Is that so, good for you :-)

Me and my thoughts

2010-12-06T15:22:00.006+05:30

I must say, I had a sort of eventful weekend and it was all by myself. I am not sure, how it feels for a lot of people, but from what I have seen and heard, it is clear, we are ourselves when we are left with our own thoughts and choices.
After a long hiatus, I managed to watch the golden classics of Hollywood era. In short, I got a chance to watch movies on my laptop. This year I managed to catch up with a lot of Hindi movies along with my house mates from South Delhi. Now that, guys have gone to their respective stop gap arrangements, I have moved into a new house, infact last week I moved into another house, just a few metres away. It feels different, with cold feet and in a place with no heaters. Yes, it has its own fun, I must admit. After going through a record breaking Delhi summer, I am getting to feel, what the locals say, the best part of Delhi, its winter.
The fog will take some time to make its appearance. The way I have seen them in many Bollywood movies, it sure would feel good walking when fog prevails over Delhi.
Cooking, well, I have been very sporadic in this regard but still managed to cook quite a lot. I like when there are people around me. It brings the chef in me to the fore. Anyways, its a good way to experiment new dishes. And it is always better to try first before letting others to taste them.

Over the past week, running against the cool breeze gave me a good feeling. Running is a good thing, and more than running, I fancy brisk walking where I get a chance to talk to myself and its more rhythmic to the thoughts that comes on my mind. One such thought was - "If you compare yourself with others, you are a socialite; if you compare yourself with your past, you are a genius"

I came up with this line and the next moment, I wondered, what could be the meaning of this. I thought over the aforementioned line, I didnt feel the same because I was fabricating a theory to support this line. Well, I tried again, thinking what if others ask. Still, I wasnt convinced or should say, didnt have any convincing reason to support my line. In the end, after pondering close to ten minutes, I decided to stick with the line without any reason. Whom should I reason with? I feel good with this line and I am pretty sure, I will find the reason along the way. This according to me is the way it should be. Surely, its an instinctive call.

Movies Imitate Life; Life Imitates Movies

2010-10-27T12:56:00.001+05:30

Firstly, after a long time I feel, I have to be honest with myself. I was scared or should I say, I used to feel bad whenever people used to call me filmy or here is a guy who talks about movies, relates the real life situations to movies, makes a mockery of songs and has fun by repeating dialogues from the movies.
Yes, that’s me.... Call me anything, because, name is just a matter of opinion. Previously, I was not accepting this aspect of mine, even though I talked a lot about movies.

Of late, I have learnt, people will love the way you are and love being what you are. This blog is to that few people in my life, who irrespective of how crazy and how much I talk about movies, still love me and tells me to be the way I am. I love them.

I come from a family of movie lovers. One can say, I am a guy who has learnt quite a lot of things from movies, it has shown me few things, answered few questions and more over it has had a positive influence on me. My maternal grandfather, my mother and my maternal uncle have been my biggest influencers.

The more I look at the movies, I somehow feel, there is some connection. I always get connected and feel as though, there is an imitation of life. I love connecting to characters if I can benefit from it. After all, life is all about learning. It can be learning to laugh, learning to be disciplined, to achieve goals, what to do and what not to do.

The beauty of life is such that, we cannot allow movie characters or movie themes to dictate our lives. It can give us a direction but it doesn’t walk on behalf of us. It can point towards the answers, but it doesnt say the right one. In the end, it’s merely an indicator, not a decider; an aspect of movies that appealed me. I have to make a choice for my life and it is similar to the disclaimer of the movies - "All characters and stories are merely coincidental."

Inspirations, without them, there wouldn’t be any artists. Art wouldn’t have had any meaning attached to it. When nature can be a source of inspiration, people and places can be a source of inspiration, why can’t movies and certain elements, which in itself is inpsired by these elements be a source of inspiration?

It doesn’t matter.... All I know is, one cannot create things without inspirations, and if value is attached to the end product then who cares about what inspired them. This is to those few people who do care about inspiration and not just the end product. Movies are product of inspirations of various life styles adopted by humans and if one can learn and become better, then why not?

A New Chapter

2010-09-11T12:24:00.009+05:30

Eversince I wrote my last blog, I felt all the remaining days, the purpose of I writing all these years came to a progressive conclusion. Things that seemed expressive found new channels and experiences I chose to share also ceased to exist in my chosen stream.

Until few days ago, due to aforementioned reasons or is this a scenario of looking life from different lens, I pondered to share my ever growing experiences. Years or should I say Wonder years of experience has made me look life in a different mode.

Last few months have been a tremendous experience something I have not had in my life. That's positive according to me. You know why - "Its a burning desire from a personal point of view to experience the same old things in a new way"

There is another side to this - As long as we constantly strive to learn from what we have, and where we are, I am pretty sure everyday seems new day; new day with the knowledge of life brewing constantly, it does seem its different.

It's a feeling where its a thin line between, no man's land and the wonderland. I have been there before and it is a good feeling; but with our persepectives constantly evolving day in and day out, Do we actually feel - "I have been there done that before in a similar way?"

I would say no. Things remain the same, because they are things, with no lives. Our surroundings and perceptions change and evolve with constant learning.

Why I stopped writing - In March early this year, I found a meaning to the title I had chosen for this blog. Now, I have found a new purpose. The new purpose is something that has not taken its total shape, as it is energised by my daily actions and listening to one's instincts.
Like I always believed, the juice is in the journey as I have not reached the intellectual state which would confirm my destination. The Ultimate destination.

I think, this new chapter in my life is about this journey. Looking back, it seems as though I did have my moments to realise who I am as a person and how I look at myself.
As it stands, that was just a trailer. Its time to keep the movie going :-)

Out of One's Comfort Zone

2010-03-01T21:42:00.003+05:30

My blog title happens to be the discussion. I chose this title, because it appealed me that time (late 2006). Partly it was inspired by Steve Waugh's autobiography and the other part for the feelings I sensed that time. Four years hence, I feel I can define the comfort zone and what it means to be out of it.
It is definitely not trying or imagining the surroundings around us to be comfortable. It is great if surroundings can look better but what about us?

We ask a lot of questions to the outer world, but do we have time to speak to ourselves? Maybe we don’t want to address our real needs; as it requires taking a leap where we have not been before. And this fear of unknown makes us seek comfort in the external world rather than our internal world.

Living under an illusion is our favourite past time, because we don’t want changes or accept changes.

We are in general quite optimistic about change, but the cynic in us won’t allow accepting it. We succumb to the pressures and it is not that pressure is bad, it’s just that, is it worth taking on the pressures at the sake of losing our identity? Which brings us to the topic of our identity? It is a simple process of being self-aware and being close to it from time to time.

We generally not notice this internal pressure because of our illusion. We choose to remain in the dark because of fear; the light of awareness might blind us instead of believing, the awareness torch shall lead us to the path where we belong.
It is a matter of choice and I personally believe, one can share, discuss about these things because no matter what, eventually it is the personal effort that decides the fate for an individual.

I can say it is better not to seek comfort externally. If we are not comfortable with ourselves (inner self) then we will never be comfortable.

What makes us comfortable? Identifying what we truly want and working towards it. It is a journey and for that trusting one's intuition at all times serves the fuel to propel ourselves on the road to our purpose.

Out of comfort zone doesn’t mean we have to be uncomfortable inside. If we do, first we need to address that immediately. And once we find ourselves comfortable, we can always give and do things in a better way, in fact adjust and also change with greater spirits.

We... The Leaders

2010-02-21T09:27:00.011+05:30

Leadership is to lead a ship. As long as you lead and ensure you give it a direction, you are a leader. I am in India after having seen a totally different world for the past one year and I am looking at it from a different perspective. It is not longer just India; it is a place that has given me my identity in this world. (Very rare you are judged just as a person). I have been noticing and after reading texts on ancient history, medieval, modern and present, all I can say at this moment is; it has not changed. It is my perspective and opinions that has evolved. The five elements would exist in any part of the globe, but perspectives about their existence, behaviour is given by us. Yes, we the people.

A country on its own never created boundaries never imposed restrictions upon itself. The limits that exist in each country are courtesy the powerful and several amendments have been made from time to time as the power equations have changed. This seems natural something part of our social evolution. (Something contradictory to the way human freewill has been designed "without limits")

Each country is made to look unique because of the people, and it is the people that define or rather it’s the people that build a country. A country if looked upon as a vast space (say like water body) something like an ocean or any other water source depending on the size (defined politically), each individual is just a drop.

With ever increasing concept of globalisation, we have opportunities to travel, understand and learn different things happenening around the world. Is it good, not good? One can wage a verbal war and it will end up into an endless loop.

I have ambitions of being a leader and the first step towards it is I want to understand the meaning of the word 'leader'. I have various examples to look for, but what suits me? It requires a scenario to bring out a leader in oneself. In my opinion, a leader does not wait for the scenario or beg for one, it comes and he or she shall emerge. That’s leadership. Be it small or big.

It is not about the countries, because on a human level, it is about privileged versus under privileged; strong versus weak.

I want to bring improvements, so let me bring improvements in myself first. I want to purify the surroundings, let me purify my inner surroundings first. I want to change the present conditions, let me change myself first and finally I want to bring peace to this world, first let me bring peace within myself.

To me, the way individuals look at situations brings a leader in him or her. As Swami Vivekananda once said - "The true learning comes from inside out"
Only when we seek for something from inside, the external factor can come into play.

Go out seek what you want, your soul wants, because our inner voice is our teacher. For some when the inner voice is inaudible, several theories and opinions end up acting as a teacher as well. Theories help, but it is bounded by certain limitations. Hence the real experience is our best teacher.

For a leader, I personally believe, one must possess intuition combined with open mindedness and briskness to learn, grow etc. These act as mentors as they constantly communicate and guide to the leader's path of purpose.

Do not look or wait for situations, instead discover and nurture the leader in you. You never know when the situation arises..............

In leadership, one deals with creatures of emotions and not creatures of logic.

Birth by Chance, Life by Choice

2009-10-04T12:45:00.004+05:30

When I was born, I did not have the option of choosing my parents. The first lesson I learnt over a long time is to accept my birth was by chance, although it was a choice made by my parents. In a way, I am born through choice, not mine though.

Eversince that, apart from the initial growing years, chances started to diminish and choices started to appear more in the radar of my daily life and the routines associated with it. But in general, choices have mostly dependant on chances. Or should I say, choices appear whenver one gets a chance. I am sure, the other way it is not so clear. Pardon me, at this time of writing, I am looking just at the situations and the choices we make for them.

Staying in a non-English speaking country for the best part of this year has taught me a lot about how not to blame others for the situation I am in. So far, I have got lessons of life that, it is up to me to make a situation look better, if not worse. It is so true, when the situation involves very less people.

Infact, as a whole, by making a choice to change the situation itself is a step closer to reality. We become clear and understand ourselves as to why we are doing a particular thing. In one of the management classes, I came across a beautiful term called 'Self -fulfilling prophecy'. It is as a result of opininated mind, that refuses to believe otherwise, unless one becomes open minded and shed the curtains of narrow mindedness or generalisation.

The truth is, do we have the patience to know the truth? Truth itself is a time consuming process, often when you are confident of something it helps to deal with the frustrations of being in the 'waiting' period. By knowing people who are different and react differently, it has helped me a lot to understand the meaning of patience a touch better. And also, it is a chance to acknowledge the different ways of looking at a situation. I know, I do not personally agree or do what others do. And that is where the word 'choice' comes. I would rather embarass myself with the choices I made at a particular time than look for someone to blame. It is tough though.

Humans as we are, emotionally strive for security or rather crave for the feeling of assurity. Although, there are people who do a lot of 'crazy' (something different from the accepted social norms of a particular society) things, it is a general tendency of the majority to seek comfort. Just like the choice of food, we tend to seek comfort in our own ways and it is this aspect that often leads to conflict.

I am trying my best everyday not to draw conclusions over things as they appear. One can make opinions but must also have the temerity to change it as we proceed towards the path of reality. Time does reveal one's true character and understanding can only happen with time. I feel strongly about this.

The dark side of this strong feeling of mine is that, I have to ensure I do not blame others for anything that happens to me. It is so tempting and few times I still ended up doing and then feel a sense of disgust for having done that.

For an indiviual that is how it must be. What about a partnership? Yes, there is an obligation if one enters the partnership. Somewhere at some point of time the extremeties of the partners must be given away to a more amicable one. Thats what team ethics is all about and so far from what I have seen, relationships have flourished when it is made to work from time to time. Not just looking for excuses.

The other person(s) can have an affect on the partnership. There is no denying in that, then but what about ourselves. We have a choice to either play the game of blame, or just move on with life.

Some people are not given choices, I would say, such people seek comfort in not making choices and believe in things to happen by itself. It looks like a general statement, yes it is. More often than not, people do what is comfortable eventhough they endure pain. I have learnt, pain is a part of the process of believing in someone or something.

I love senorita, although there are situations that makes me to think whether it is a right choice? Everytime when the question of choice arises, I close my eyes and listen to my instincts. It has the same answer as it has been before. I trust my instincts and it is entirely my choice. Senorita is different in a lot different ways; but I am happy overall, because my instincts refuse to pose restrictions on senorita and yet makes me to love her, each time, everytime.

In a way, I trust my eyes more, when it is closed. That way, it gives me a chance to listen to my instincts. Instincts have an eye and they are awake all the time. So I trust those eyes more often than what my actual eyes see. It's a choice afterall.

Asked about Ferrari failing this year, Massa said - "We definitely need to analyse our mistakes and understand how they can be avoided, but I don't think it needs a revolution which the always emotional onlookers demand: it would be wrong because it's not a case of us suddenly becoming stupid. It's the playing field that has changed. We must be aware of that and tackle the situation with a different approach."

The Taste of Life - Cadbury's Diary milk

2009-09-13T02:14:00.006+05:30

It's a dream to be in the land of chocolates enjoying every moment of the bite. Switzerland, quite rightly is famous for chocolates and they make some awesome ones.
I had a chance to visit the chocolate factory of Nestle twice last month in a space of three days; it was an amazing feeling. Something I just cannot express it through words.
Back when I was a child, just like most children, indulging in chocolates was also my favourite past time. The habit has stayed, and I can sense my childhood days are back, especially seeing my friends here, fighting out for chocolates. It is not about buying new chocolates, we get plenty of them, but one doesn't get a particular brand of chocolate in Swiss, that happens to be 'Cadbury's Diary Milk'.
Coming here, I realised the love I had for Cadburys while I was a child and then as I grew old, be it a quick snack, a gift for someone etc, I relished every moment of it.
Last week, at the UK airport, I could see Cadburys everywhere and for a pound it was a good deal. I bought a big pack (Just for one pound!!!!) and finished it just before I could board the plane. It was an awesome feeling, a sense of deja-vu, reminded me of the days, my grandpa and lot of other people bought me Diary Milk. It reminded me of the ad, the famous ad, featuring models Shimona and Arvin Tucker. The cricket setting was just a perfect theme and it still remains a top advertisement direted by an Indian (Abhinav Deo). Watching this video brought back my playing days of puerility and I just feel fortunate that I was able to remember those days........

Two Guys, a Girl and her Dilemma

2009-08-27T07:44:00.001+05:30

A girl having met a guy, who stays in Middle East (X), starts a strange liking to the other guy (Y).
She comes after a gap of one month, with slight poking here and there but no serious conversations or warm greetings, its more out of surprise about how can someone like to converse irrespective of her being recluse.
Interesting, she wonders "I have never come across such a guy (Y), why is he so far from me?"
Blame it on fate or the test of time for this young woman who is discovering the difference between liking someone as a friend and loving someone special.
“I started my conversations with him out of curiosity after seeing his (Y) photograph, he looked good and I just asked him for a friend request. Well after couple of days, he did respond much to my surprise and it’s been three months, he has been surprising me with every conversation I am having with him. I know it was little late meeting him, but I am really not sure how to go about this. Should he just be my friend or someone else? I haven’t seen him, so can I take a risk with this."
She thought more "Like every girl, even I want my guy to be special, the problem here is, Am I too naïve to understand the meaning of ‘special’?
Are there any different feelings associated with the term ‘special’?
For the first time, it is happening and I really do not know whether this is a natural evolution as a woman or is this me liking someone unconditionally.”

Far across, all this guy (Y) does is, wonder what’s happening in his life. One thing is clear, it’s never been a smooth ride, and I guess he has accepted this side of life. Life is full of challenges and with it, he does know, Life and in turn every one will have problems, its just that how well individuals hide. He is excited about her, and he has been trying to make conversations with her. Luck has it; they are just unable to have conversations.
“I am being honest about where I stand even though I am unsure about the balance. I do like someone else before he came into my life. I did put it across to him (Y)regarding this. But he didn’t express his disappointment instead he was happy for me. Now, is it my madness to test people? I am confused. Should I rely on him just to be a friend? I am confident he will be a wonderful friend; will he be a wonderful lover? Lover, dream man, etc?
I am unsure with my own life and future. As a 20 year old, I do not know whom to trust. I keep hearing people being cruel and selfish for their own good. So should I take a chance, go to Middle east for a guy (X) whom I haven’t met yet.
So far, I was in the impression that he was my dream guy (X), until I bumped into this other person (Y). It was an accident, now I like him as well.
I want to do my business studies, so I work part time at a day care, earn some money to fund my studies and go to Dubai.
Well this was my dream… I was excited about it. Now I don’t know.
It’s been three weeks since I contacted him (Y); he is kind, sweet, keeps sending mails. Is he my special person?
I am confused again with two people in my life. I have never met, but just met through instincts of mine. All I can do is recognize their faces through few photos.
I don’t see them flirting with me, coz, its reached another level.
Oh man, I like him (Y) for the fact that he cares for me so much and remembers me.
Although, I do converse with my special one on a regular basis, but this guy I have hardly spoken and still he makes me feel so special. So I sent him an offliner.
“Hey… My dear friend… I want to talk to you badly….”
Everyday he would have slept, but due to unavoidable circumstances he got up early.
Early meant, time to chat with this girl.
He logged on anticipating her to be online after a long time.
His intuition was correct but all he managed was to read the offline messages.
The guy was 3 hours late reading the above message….

And then, things took a big turn in the guy's life that looked as though this girl was more of a distant dream he once considered chasing for.... Life goes on and he has managed to move on without ever wondering, what if???

P.S: This is complete from a draft of March 2008..... Thought will just share

Lazy Boy.... Are you out of focus???

2009-08-26T14:56:00.006+05:30

You read about legendary stories, their focus, concentration, dedication and other words that fits here; I was wondering how would they feel when they do not feel like doing anything. Its easy to speak in hindsight and we can always make a good sense of it 'As time goes by', in real, how, is it to feel when one loses focus and just cannot concentrate?

Self doubts creep in at times when you start thinking about the future. We have to prepare for the future but at the same time like everyone have told in their own ways, we must learn to live in the present. Quite opposite when future seems so promising, motivation oozing through the veins with each day that passes by.

Perception is a thing and also how one adapts to that perception matters. I can say but I have to mean it and only when I walk through the channel that parallels my talks, it has some credibility. This aspect is what separates from achievers and wanna be achiever.

An achiever was a wanna be achiever some time back, so one must seek comfort in that, but the comfort zone really ends there, as one has to push certain limits imposed by us previously in order to give birth to the achiever in us.

When chips are down, we tend to lose faith in few things we believed in. Common sense often is the culprit, it makes us believe the dark side of our faith and with time it convinces, unless we fight it out..... The conflict inside us before its too late.

I am going through a phase where laziness is pre-dominant, lack of focus and uncertainity.... I hate this period.... but I have accepted this to be the present behaviour of mine. I want to change and it feels as though I have lost faith. Losing faith doesnt mean I am a pessimist, its the way I come out of this that matters. 'Without self-doubts' one has never succeeded. Its the way one clears the doubts and regain the focus that has made all the difference. One thing is getting clear.... what you focus the most, turns into reality... Until this week, I was out of focus as to where I want to be.....

This week, its a better picture so to say when compared to last week or the previous. I have had a chance to ponder over new opinions or one can say new impressions. In the end, I shut my mind and just allowed my instincts to speak. Just by reflecting on events that have occured in my life made me understand the meaning of faith.

"Faith is believing in something when commonsense tells you not to. Just because things did not turnout the way you want to the first time, you still got to believe in people or something you have hopes on." - The first line is from the Miracle on 34th street, Rest is my interpretation as to why the first line makes sense to me....

I am sure I will fight my way out of laziness and start believing (re-believe) in things that I havent been offlate.

Finally.... The Curse is off his back

2009-06-07T21:03:00.006+05:30

Ten years back, same time, I hated the fact of watching Agassi win the French Open thereby becoming one of the very few to have won all four Grand Slams in a career. He surely became a legend considering the fact, he did win an Olympic Gold at the Atlanta Games in 1996. I was a class 10 student, and a pro Sampras fan, didnt like this fact. A degree of tranquility came when Sampras thrashed Agassi in straight sets to win yet another Wimbledon in 1999.

Sampras managed to win one more, before he lost to Roger Federer in the fourth round of 2001 Wimbledon Championships. That was the first and the only time, they both ever met in an ATP tour. I was in tears, at the same time couldnt hate Roger, because he was a good friend and a mixed doubles partner of Martina Hingis (who still is my favourite) when the pair won the Hopman's Cup in early 2001. I was wondering, Did I just see my new hero? Because, I heard a lot of praise of Roger from Sampras and this had an impact on me to like him as well.

Another Swiss halted Sampras in the form of George Bastl in 2002 before winning his last Grand Slam at Flushing Meadows. He retired, although the announcement came late, I knew, he wouldnt come back.

From then, its been all Roger, seeing him win the 2003 Wimbledon gave me so much satisfaction that, I felt, it was time the next King of Grass arrived. Defeats to Nadal at Roland Garros made me pinch myself, each time, so I did till this very year, when Roger won the elusive French Open he completed the career Grand Slam. He needs one more to be one clear of Pete Sampras who has 14 with no French Open. An all time legend - Does anyone doubt? Only cynics I suppose.

The curse of clay is gone, its off from Federer's back, well and truely grounded at Roland Garros today. Ten years, is such a long time and I am in tears, tears of joy. Never I had a chance to enjoy and rejoice someone winning French Open since the glory days of Sergei Brugera in 1993 and 1994.

On a personal front, there is nothing better than being in the home country of Roger's to witness this historic moment in tennis and an historic landmark in his life. And somewhere a sense of triumph for me as well.

Getting Rid of the Past - Do we have to all the time?

2009-06-03T02:32:00.002+05:30

I thank for having a decent memory, most times I ensure its put into good use. There are times, when I am all by myself, few scars feel unhealed, although time has gone by, it seems as though they are untouched.
An element called stubborness in me refuses to accept that things have changed; I dont want to be judgemental whether it is good or worse. I am a believer that everything happens for the good, only when no options are left and we resign to what some call 'fate' and few others call 'destiny'.
There were times when things were different, but life is such a puzzle that, we think only our perspective to be the sole solution as to why it changed. Actually, most reactions of ours are as a result of this belief.
It disturbs me, that things didnt pan out the same way it used to. Thats called evolution, maturity, growing up, moving on etc etc
Life as a television with remote control operated by few friends can be quite an experience. It tries its best, to entertain as per the channel desired. With time, there seems to be a trend with few to change the television, because its antiquated and its time for something new.
But, there can also be that, Life has become so busy that, there is no time to watch the television. So, what seemed to be favourite programs in the past, doesnt find a place today. Reality bites, doesnt it.
Its fortunate at times, they get the updates and few might even interest them.
I guess, its time I accept that, things have changed and looking back, it was a good time except for the disconnection, not once but twice.
On a brighter note, there have been new connections, but like I said, one has to pay the price for having a decent memory. Its just that, those memories have to be conditioned and aligned in such a way that, when I look back, I will get a reminder that, afterall I didnt have a bad deal and will know as time goes by as to what caused the disconnection.
Till then, its ok, its good to reflect on what happened. Now I realise and thank the two whom I was constantly in touch and have not lost any respect whatsoever. At times, you do get devilled, but I promise, I never made any conclusions and the book is still open.

"Be the change you want to see in the world"

2009-05-19T20:52:00.006+05:30

It all started in 2005, when I was in my final year of Engineering, I got introduced to this character. It was Viren, a friend from college who suggested me to watch the first episode and ever since I have never looked back.

Calm, collective, focussed, determined, fighting for a cause, commitment are just some of the words that comes to my mind. After watching the last episode, I realised, this character was one big influence on me.This series kept me going many times during the last three and half years. It all took four seasons, and thats it, it got its ending.

It all started in a grand fashion, the idea of the series was something out of the box. I was a fan right from the time the series started. The show was popular, wasnt comic, it represented the other side of comedy. The word isnt tragedy, its called 'Life' from another perspective.

Its a thing with me to get attached to the characters, who inspire me, give me hope because they give me a window to have a different perspective of life. This character was no exception.

When I saw this episode, I knew, it was all going to end. So did his character. And, in due respect, I appreciate the director, to have made such an ending, the last five minutes is marvellous.

So what did I learn, many things at different times in my life, it was like a drive, which made me re-discover my buried hopes.
One line I always remember is this - 'Be the Change you want to see in the world'. That just sums it up for me as to why this character will always be an inspiration for me. RIP - Michael Schofield, it was great knowing you.
Here it ends the journey of the series 'Prison Break'.

Without Limits

2009-04-09T07:08:00.007+05:30

Five days staying in a room not going out isn’t that great for the mind, body or soul. I managed to do that. I went out to my friend's place to have lunch, we chatted for a while, and then I went to shop some groceries before heading back to The Apartment.
I spent those days, watching movies, hell lot of movies, reading few things on the internet, sleeping, just about cooking to satisfy the hunger bug and few visits to the toilet. I had not touched the main door of my apartment. I managed to survive, although this routine had given birth to certain ghosts. It had because, I can safely say, I am burying them with this blog.

An incident back in 2005 when I won the Sports Quiz at NLS (National Law School, India), I missed a question. I felt bad that I didn’t know about it. In hindsight, there is nothing to feel bad about it, but you see, my heart was shaped that way. It feels the itch, of not knowing certain things. For a while, it itches. Then mind takes over and I don’t have a clue about the itch and how old is it. In my case it was a four-year itch. Thinking about the athlete whose name I missed, has given me a chance to see the life from a different perspective and something I was looking for at the end of 5 days. It was not a panache, but did have some sort of 'Mojo' to bury the ghosts. I feel the change as I continue to write.

The question I missed was about a man, who died at the age of 24. I am 24 now. He was the best athlete American distance running team had in the late 60's and 1970's. He was a distance runner who had his own ideology about running and winning. Winning is nothing when you haven’t given your best. It doesn’t feel the same, when you win without giving one's best. His coach tried to change his philosophy, he couldn’t. He represented the University of Oregon.
He shared a healthy relationship with the coach of the US running team and they both agreed to disagree. Every time, they questioned each other's fundamentals and philosophy of running and winning. But remained good friends till the end.
The first sign of protest came when the athlete took on AAU (Amateur Athletics Union) and demanded athlete’s right to participate when qualified.
He was tipped as one of the favourites to win 5000m Olympic Gold in 1972 at Munich games, eventually losing out to Lasse Viren of Finland. He finished 4th after leading the race till the last lap.
He couldn’t bear the loss. He took some time out, until he was able to come to terms with reality. He distanced himself from his love, because he hated so much that, he didn’t have words to say to the one he loved.
Finally, he started training, refused an offer to turn professional, thereby kicking the chance to earn 200,000 dollars. He went to his coach, tried a new pair of shoes which his coach had made for him. Went for a run and agreed to be an Amateur and seek redemption at the 1976 Olympics in Montreal.
He raced pretty well in the trials and he had planned to set a world record to win the 5000m in 12min 36 seconds. That was the time he had chosen, a world record back then. Those were last words he said to his friend. He dropped his friend and while on his way to his girlfriend, with whom he had just got good terms with, met with an accident while he was forseeing his race and commenting on his possible 1976 performance and how he would shatter the world record.
It wasn’t to be, his car was hit by another car and he was killed on May 30th 1975.
I hope most of the readers are smarter than me; the athlete was Steve Pre Fontaine. Nicknamed ‘Pre’, he was born on January 25th 1951.
Now that name is on, I am sure, there are better websites dedicated to him that will provide his information in detail. I would just like to share few things:

· In 1978, AAU agrees for athlete’s guarantee rights to compete wherever qualified.
· The small shoe company which the coach had inadvertently had begun went on to became what we know today as ‘NIKE’. The coach was none other than Bill Bowerman, founder of Nike.
· ‘Without Limits’ made in 1998 is the name of the movie that depicts the life of ‘Pre’ played by Billy Crudup.

The final words by Bill Bowerman in the movie sums up ‘Pre’ –
“All my life, man and boy, I've operated under the assumption that the main idea in running was to win the race. Naturally, when I became a coach I tried to teach people how to do that. I tried to teach Pre how to do that. Tried like hell to teach Pre to do that. And Pre taught me. Taught me I was wrong. Pre, you see, was troubled by knowing that a mediocre effort can win a race and a magnificent effort can lose one. Winning a race wouldn't necessarily demand that he give it everything he had from start to finish. He never ran any other way. I tried to get him to, God knows I tried... but... Pre was stubborn. He insisted on holding himself to a higher standard than victory. 'A race is a work of art'; that's what he said, that's what he believed and he was out to make it one every step of the way. Of course he wanted to win. Those who saw him compete and those who competed against him were never in any doubt how much he wanted to win, but how he won mattered to him more. ‘Pre’ thought I was a hard case. But he finally got it through my head that the real purpose of running isn't to win a race. It's to test to the limits of the human heart. That he did... Nobody did it more often. Nobody did it better.” That's the ending of the movie.

All I say - Watch the movie, dont think whether to watch it or not - 'JUST DO IT'

Countdown to the D-Day Part I

2009-04-06T21:18:00.003+05:30

This very day, April 6th last year will go down as the day that triggered or should say the day that determined my future path. Just as when I had a feeling, I had quite a tough stroll in the park, did a good job of going through it. But it Happened One Evening. The day being a Sunday, 6th of April, 2008. I was able to appreciate it better because of few events that preceded this day. Although, one cannot fathom the relevance, but personally, all the events were important for what I turned out to be on that day.
This goes back to December 2007, when I was making plans about visiting Rajasthan with my mother. It was just two of us. I had made all the plans of visit.
I got a mail from a very revered senior from my college about teaming up for an All India Cricket Quiz, sponsored by History Channel. I agreed. The next few days, it was calls at the most unexpected times, No hello, Just a funda (an appreciated factoid) from cricket would pop up, when I was working, sleeping or while having food. That was the passion he had, or the superior managerial skills to pump up the intensity before a contest.
The quiz was to be held in Delhi on the last week of January 2008. We did well to weather the cold in the first place. It so happened, I got myself acquainted with a friend (Deepthi) of mine in Gurgaon. She was kind enough to allow me stay in her house, make Pav Bhaji one evening, went out with her friends to have a hot cup of chai (tea) in the mid-night. That was cold and never had I experienced so much (2 degrees) before coming to Switzerland.
Pradeep and I dreamt about smashing the quiz in our very own style. This was the second time we paired up as a team, the first one being for the Cricinfo Quiz conducted by Siddhartha Vaidyanathan and George Binoy in Bangalore.
The theme was cricket, and we qualified for the finals and felt a bit warm inside the auditorium. The finals didn’t turn out the way we wanted. We missed quite a few sitters, coming third in the end. We left the auditorium disappointed and off we went to airport. I messaged him early next morning about taking part in the second round at Mumbai.
I was running short of cash, since I had made all the arrangements for a long Rajasthan trip. But, something inside me was haunting throughout. It was a case of redemption for me and for us as a team in general. Its not often we get a chance to prove ourselves that we are one among the league of very good Sports Quizzers in India. We knew we had to do it for ourselves if not for Rs 50000 as cash prize for winners.
A fortnight later, Mumbai it was. On the Valentine’s Day I land in Mumbai. Oh, Ya, Good way to celebrate it, isn’t it? In my case, it was the best possible way to ward off any feelings whatsoever.
Next day, while he had some work to finish, I took this opportunity to meet a good friend of mine Keith. We chatted after a long time, ever since he settled down in Mumbai.
Post Lunch, Pradeep and I were back for some Quizzing action. Bang bang, we were right on target from the go. Topped the prelims by miles and it felt good for us in the finals.
The form continued in the finals as we thrashed everyone by 130 point margin. It was ruthless, felt for a while, as to why I idolise Sachin, Schumacher and Sampras. It was for kicks for being sheer ruthless, not quite the way that undermine others though. It was a point to prove scenario for ourselves. To restore our pride, in some way, lost pride.
“How about the All India Motorsports quiz?” – Pradeep
I said - “We will do it mate”.
While I sat on a late night flight to Bangalore from Mumbai, I wondered, Can we repeat this again. Let’s see, for the moment I was looking forward for my trip to Rajasthan.

Countdown to the D-day Part II

2009-04-06T20:52:00.006+05:30

Few hours from the moment I landed Bangalore, I knew, I have to come back again. My mother and I all excited for the trip. First Stop – Jaipur, I was on a constant flight travels much to my liking in the past few weeks, and I had more to go.
We rested the night of 16th before heading out for a city visit around Jaipur. The places we visited include Pink City, Hawa Mahal, City Palace, the Bhool Bulaiya Place and the so called ‘Rang de Basanti’ place. I appreciate my mom for giving me as a company. At that moment, she was to be the only one, who could tolerate my silence and a sense of awkward behaviour without asking as to why I am behaving the same.
Later that night, we went to Choki Dani – traditional Rajasthani village, Sawai Man Singh Cricket stadium and did a lot of shopping for my sister, cousins and for few friends. What about me?

And during this time, I went in search of oxidised bangles for a friend. Little I realised that time, I was being fooled and she told me a year after, when I finally managed to give it to her. Rajan, this isnt oxidised bangles.

Next day, flight to Jaisalmer was very exciting. It was on a ATR, top of Pokhran desert, we manage to land on the Air force base. Jaisalmer has no airport, and we had strict Air force people taking us to the nearest stop point. One of the officers showed me the area which was bombarded during Kargil war in 1999.
We relaxed for a while at the hotel before setting out to see Thar Desert. It was a hot afternoon; I had my jacket to protect myself from heat. We went on a jeep. I had this fascination to ride on a camel’s back. The driver took me to the place. My mom wasn’t interested, so she went in the jeep and relaxed in a caravan few miles ahead. Oh man, it’s an experience riding on a camel’s back. It’s so scary at times, because of the height. When it is walking slowly, it’s a pleasant feeling, but we had to cover a lot of distance. It was like a movie, a deserted place, just me, camel and the camel owner.
The jerk movements, when the camel is ambling at a speed are not so pleasant for a newcomer like me.
Finally, I was all alone on a desert. I sat for a long time, wondering, all my life, its past. This was a time, just for me. And I cannot quite express how it feels, to see no one for a long distance. I was alone, not lonely though. I sensed a feeling of change in the way I looked at things. I knew the experience was worth a million dollars, actually it’s priceless. I always dreamt of desert in my childhood. I am happy; I ticked one of my dreams of my list. Sunset was a sight to watch.
Next day, I visited on my own to Jaisalmer palace and other parts as my Mom was not able to walk long distances and climb steps. Udaipur, we are coming.

One of the reasons of the visit was to attend the wedding of Mun-Mun. She became a friend of mine during my last trip to Udaipur in 2006, she also happens to be my best buddy’s sister. I knew their family and next two days, we went about having loads of fun. My other buddy had joined in too. It was hilarious. I had a chance to go to Lake Palace once again, City Palace and other places. I was the guide of Udaipur for Anmol and Mom. I vividly remember till date of all the places in Udaipur. The food was something out of this world. Overall, I was happy I managed to see all my college project mates in a matter of few days. It started with Keith in Mumbai, and here in Udaipur it was Anmol and Raj. Ahemadabad being close to Udaipur, I had decided earlier to drive down there from Udaipur. It was close to five hours drive on a cab. Took a flight to Bangalore and that culminated our trip to Rajasthan. It was 5 days, 5 flights, yet managed to cover the places I had dreamt of. My mom was happy to see me back to my usual self at the end of this trip. I just got to know her a touch better. I owe a lot to her.
Ok, nice rejuvenation, here I was ready for Times Speed Quiz, India’s first Motorsports quiz.

A few snapshots of my Trip: Notice the difference......

Countdown to the D-Day - Part III

2009-04-06T20:34:00.003+05:30

I was quite superstitious about my hair. I just had too many things running on my head from mid 2007. It turned out to be a nice fodder for my hair. I just liked it, long hair; I took a good care of it. It didn’t matter, I was working, because never I had doubts I would cut my hair, owing to some pressure at work or family. And people who mattered at work and at home, never pressurised me either. They knew I wouldn’t budge. Actually, in a way, it turned out better. I was able to do a lot of work which I enjoyed, meeting clients across Bangalore and Chennai. Ok, it was a coincidence that Dhoni too had long hair at that time. But who cares, he was successful and often few people referred me as Dhoni. Coming back, March first week 2008, I flew to Mumbai for the zonal qualifying. We had four zones of qualifying Bangalore, Delhi, Mumbai and Chennai. Top two teams are selected for the semi finals in Mumbai followed by finals very same day. After a nice lunch at Pradeep’s place, we go the auditorium. We didn’t qualify, it wasn’t about Formula 1 alone, it was about the entire Motorsports and that was something. We both were shocked, but to be honest, weren’t disappointed. There was a lot of quality in the teams. We felt out of place at some times when we watched the finals.
We asked if we could take part in the Chennai round with the quiz master Avinash Mudaliar. Since we had not qualified, we were allowed to take part.
Boy, the next two weeks was to determine our capabilities. Pradeep just called at odd hours and this time he was asking me to put fundas. Once, he even asked his girlfriend to speak to me about focussing on the task ahead and not waste time with girls and other stuff. He was funny, and I admire his unique ways of pushing his partner to achieve a common goal. He knew I had it in me.
We went to Chennai two weeks later, and guess what; it turned to be one of the toughest motorsports prelims we had ever encountered. We topped the prelims again. It was the final round of qualifying, so in a way, we weren’t dished out Formula1 etc, it was hardcore motorsports. All forms of Motorsports. We were introduced as one of the best Sports Quizzers by Avinash Mudaliar, quite sarcastic though. We had a point to prove. Till the last round, Man, we had lost it. There was no way unless for the miracles in the buzzer round, we could make it. We had to answer 3 questions correct and hope others answered it incorrect or not answer at all. This was to take the second spot.
First Question, we answer. Second Question, 5th Team (team which is in second answers), Third Question, the leading team answers. We still had a chance if we answered two correctly and hope the last one went unanswered.
4th Question, a toughie, we press the buzzer and answer. Hi-fi’s exchanged, c’mon we can do it. 5th Question, no clue, we press the buzzer, we worked out in short time and Pradeep answered Bughatti. Perfect. We were 2nd. The last question went unanswered, as we didn’t have to take a chance.
We got a round of appreciation for our late effort. In fact it was the final two rounds, we went overboard.
Ok, we made it. At least, the sarcasm we proved we were good enough for the finals. Now, we were among the Top 8 teams in India. After a month round of qualifying,

We felt Barcelona a bit closer. Yes, the winning team won an all expense trip to Spanish Grand Prix 2008. Pradeep from the beginning had one aim, Barcelona.
And in the end, it turned out; we did this quiz, travelling crazily one place after the other in search of this. This was what one calls, chasing one’s dreams.
That night, at Chennai Airport, I was reflecting on few things. I wondered, did my hair play any role, I know, I was being superstitious about it. But, I had a feeling, I had all the luck and I got everything I wanted, because I had long hair. I somehow didn’t like to be under this assumption. I saw Dhoni winning in Australia ODI series with his short hair. Sometimes, we need to break out of this shell to understand who we are. It’s good to be getting things done, not because of the hair, because of the capabilities. Next few days, I went about pondering, to have a hair cut or not. Fine, let me have it. And I felt a change, I was not the same guy, who went about being ruthless in his work, I felt, I was reborn and I knew I was transformed emotionally and now I was ready to look at life from a different perspective.

Just a week before the finals, I had my hair cut. I feel, one of the bold moves I ever made considering the stake of the finals. I didn’t want this hair, I wanted to get out of this, it was sort of force that was holding me. I wanted to be liberated. Liberated I was after the haircut.
The finals were to be held at ITC Shearton, Mumbai. All expense paid by Times of India and BP (Bharat Petroleum). Flights, hotel stay, commuting etc

The Last Supper before the D-day

2009-04-06T20:18:00.009+05:30

After watching Virender Sehwag getting to his second double hundred, I took the flight early morning to Mumbai. When I got out of the airport, I saw the score in my mobile phone. The message read “Sehwag out for 319 and Sachin for a duck”. We were taken to our hotel, Sea Princess right next to Hotel Taj Mahal. The view from the room was amazing, Gateway of India adjoining to the sea face. Few months later, when I visited the same place for my Visa, it was carnage after the bomb blasts.
After having a nice lunch, I relaxed for a while. Pradeep, who stays in Mumbai, met me at the venue. We all had to wear common T-shirts and the Quiz Master was Derek O Brien. It was a showcase event as many top management from BP, Times of India had come. Narain Karthikeyan was the special guest and he did his bit as a quiz master towards the end. We managed to qualify for the finals by winning the semi-finals round. The scene was set for a grand finale. After a stage of some entertainment from Mansi Scott, we began the finals.
The finals were more of a game show than a quiz final. You had lots of unusual rounds. Well, one team wasn’t performing and you had three teams going for the kill till the final round. We were one among them the three.
Final round, we did our bit, two questions to go, we had lost the race for top spot. The top two teams tied and we were third placed in the end. A college team from NIT Allahabad won the jackpot. Wait, a minute, Second prize gets an all expense trip to Bangkok. Third Prize, a lot of goodie bags, including Rs 6000 worth fuel, a small trophy, a chance to stand on the podium just like in Motorsports for prize distribution. Spray of champagne for winners and a group photo.
We knew we came close, and in hindsight, if it were to be out and out finals like it is usually conducted with scoring and other things, we would have won.
Nevertheless, it was some experience to be known as the third best team in Motorsports Quiz in India. It was nice chatting with Narain Karthikeyan after the event for few minutes.
A few days later, this event was featured in Bombay Times and we had our picture on it.
Looking back, it was March 29th last year, when we were verge on being Famous, turned out we were ‘Almost Famous’.

I was fortunate, my partner was Pradeep and I learnt quite a lot of things from him. Its no joke, he was like a mentor and I was happy to learn the tricks of the trade which he had been for such a long time and continues to do. He taught me to calm the nerves before a big event and we did pull each other legs during our so called ‘Indian Sports Quiz Trip’.
To our team names ‘W.G. DisGrace’ to Mon-key (Mann ki) Shakti Tann ki Shakti (keeping with the theme of Harbhajan – Symonds incident), we did come a long way. In India, New Year begins around last week of March. I can say, it was a new year for me on a personal front. That was it and it all ended in Mumbai. Quizzing terms, Yes. Personally, all the above experiences heralded the dawn of my new found life.
I had so much to tell that, I ended up writing a blog early April last year titled ‘Love story or is it my Story’. The ramifications were such that, it changed my life completely.
And April 6th it was, the D-day that soon turned out to be an important day of our lives. Looking back, I know the events that occurred in those three months last year made me to write a blog on my love life about a girl whom I never met, cut my hair and start a new life.
In the end, the superstitious would have won, had I not cut my hair, we could have won. Who knows?
I don’t regret it. I am here in Switzerland writing this, a day after seeing Kimi Raikonnen losing out in Malaysia this year, when compared to him winning on 6th of April at Bahrain last year. As the race culminated last year, I felt for the first time in a week’s time I was ‘Out of my Comfort Zone’. And that’s how it stands till date. A special friend did something 'Out of her Comfort Zone' and since then she has become really special in my life and so on we went about living the days of our lives.

In India, is Cricket the lone Survivor?

2009-03-14T23:21:00.007+05:30

As an avid fan of cricket, sometimes I am happy with the situation India is, financially and hence are able to build an ever -evolving cricket team, that competes well abroad as well as at home. Apart from occasional debacles (like losing a series to home, or early exit at premier tournaments), our team has done well, this includes Women's cricket team as well.

Its a welcome note to have included women's cricket as a part of ICC and in India, BCCI finally managed to take it under its reins. Its something good for the game of cricket in the years to come. Now cricket has reached a stage, it has plans of being an Olympic Sport in 2020 or 2024. Its a great step. Trust me, an Olympic Sport always get recognised worldwide and it is one of the best ways to promote the game on global scale. Knowing IOC, its a challenge to change their Euro-centric views about cricket and its reception by other member nations.

In India, we have IPL and ICL entangled in legal battles. Its sad, but this also brings to an important point. Cant we ensure, other games like hockey, football, basketball etc be promoted in franchise model. I know, boxing is being under consideration and the two bronze medals at Beijing, is a positive result and will see more people support Boxing in the coming years.

In India, Economy and social life are often associated with the way Indiviual Sports have shaped up. At present we have to admit, we dont have a culture for Hockey or football. People play cricket instead. Its not lack of players who are willing to play Hockey, its the case of people who opt cricket. Same is with football or other Sports in India. The surroundings and social structure have played a big role. And this has an impact on economics of Sports. We are a nation of billion people, few people can give us hope but cannot change the current situation.

Few years back, PHL (Premier Hockey League) kicked off in a grand fashion and this was even before the idea of IPL (Indian Premier League) or ICL (Indian Cricket League) got materialised.
It ran for three years before it lost its charm. Why? A lot of reasons. I am not going into that aspect.
Now, instead of spending millions of dollars on ex-cricketers, current cricketers, future stars, the ever continuing legal battles with BCCI, why dont Zee Sports (idea behind ICL) look to terminate the idea about making money through cricket. It was a great idea, but sadly we have a powerhouse in BCCI. Why fight?

If Zee Sport's aim is to create athletes in the form of cricketers, why dont they focus on athletes who are non-cricketers, who needs media attention, who needs funding where in they feel good and perform. Why dont they create an even playing ground for other sports?

If I were to be Subhash Chandra, I would utilise this opportunity to look at hockey, football and other Sports and create a social culture in which other athletes can become champions and help Public accepting other sports by creating a scenario where games can stand on its own merit not just for sympathy reasons.

Its a win-win situation in the long term. India as a Sports Nation can benefit, corporates can look for alternatives, if they find cricket to be an expensive way of advertising. And finally, Zee can win so-called 'personal battle' with BCCI. Leave cricket to BCCI, they are doing good job of it. Concentrate on other sports.

Reality is, I am not Subhash Chandra and I am just expressing my thoughts as an extension of various discussions on the state of Olympic Sports in India with other students from different parts of the world in the Olympic Capital.

Alone in the Ring

2009-02-21T16:25:00.006+05:30

Last few months have been quite an experience both academically and on personal front. Things which were available at ease have ceased to exist.In turn, I am learning many new things which will be beneficial as I move ahead. To be honest, technology has ensured we keep in touch with people all across the world. Its easy, yet, we rely on the fact that we are just one touch away from getting connected. So, Honey, Why not later? Whatever.....

Just a small info, I am currently doing my post graduation studies at AISTS (http://www.aists.org/). The subject is Sports Technology and Administration. Yes, its an interesting course for people who love sports and also for people who want to make a career in sports.

The interesting part of this course is that, it is recognised and co-founded by International Olympic Commitee (http://www.olympic.org/). AISTS is situated inside the campus of EPFL at Lausanne, which is also known as the 'Olympic Capital'. The course involves, Sports Managment and Economics, Sports Law, Sports Technology, Sports Medicine and Sociology of Sports. It involves other topics like Extended learning, Transdisciplinary and projects like Team project, Personal project and finally an Internship.

I love Sports, so in a way, it reached a stage as to why not study something about Sports? I do agree, for every decision we have to evaluate our options. I havent taken this course because its cool to study sports. I have a history and it hurts.

I am no good sportsman, I am not worth even being one, because i didnt possess the most vital elements required to be an athlete. That is 'Will and a Purpose'. Years have past. Yes, I was good at playing, but it was just leisure. I never gave myself a chance and in short I wasnt bold enough to take. Thats the truth.

Truth bites, it sure does. How long can I survive, without having to breathe about Sports? Mom was right, she did her best, but I didnt have the will and didnt have the guts to accept it and make a career in Sports.

My Dad was good at basketball and table tennis. Mom did her bit at badminton. What did I do? Sports Quizzing, well thats not great. Its Nothing. This is the ghost, that haunts me and it always did. Its sick, earlier, I didnt even try and just found excuses in order to cover my face. Well, now, it aint no more.

I had a chance to learn that, there isnt always gonna be a second opportunity in life. And all these last few years went in wondering, "What's next best to being an athlete?"

Involve in Sports?
I loved my previous job, but you see, I cant be a human while I carry a ghost around me. I dont know where my future lies, but onething is sure, I never thought I would be here, this time last year. Infact I didnt even think about this course till June the 6th. One particular incident changed my mind. People may call it 'coincidence'. I know it isnt. I applied for a reason to this University within 5 days of deadline and the application reached on the day of the deadline. Anticipation of being with someone will always make you feel better and with this hope, I went ahead. Luck had it, I got the admission. Are you listening someone?

But guess what, I am alone, should I say, 'Alone in the Ring'. Surely, I have no regrets whatsoever. This is how my life was designed and it was all fabricated by my choices. Now, I dont want to be an athlete, but giving myself a shot at being a 'Sports lover' and doing something in Sports Industry would be a nice redemption.

'Alone in the Ring' makes me introspect, sometimes gives confidence and sometimes pulls me down. There are special people in my life whom I look upto, share my feelings and they are very much there. But most times, when I see or hear from them about their lives, perspectives and state of mind, I find it better at those times to just stick to my motions and move on. Everytime is the not the right time to share.

A Writer's Mis(s)-Inspiration

2008-10-10T19:06:00.002+05:30

I do have belief in the concept of “Change”. Having perception oriented world around you, it’s always hard to come to conclusion whether things are for better or worse. In any case, experience is attached irrespective of the state of mind we are.

I had an opportunity to meet a person while I was flying from New Delhi to Bangalore. He had everything going for him, in terms of career, a decent family and steady romantic relationship. He told, it wasn’t steady with respect to his girl friend, and it took them 3 years and two break ups to get to this steady state.

One of the things I got to know was his talent for writing essays on philosophy, cars, music and especially about relationship. He doesn’t have a blog to address them, but maintains a note book to pen his thoughts.

He showed me the book and it was empty for last few months. He says he has become too lazy to write these days. Fair enough, responsibilities on the career front were stopping him to an extent. But, at the same time, he was frustrated about the fact that he wasn’t able to write.

He was kind enough to let me read few articles. According to me, the best ones were scattered here and there. Some of them showed his unintentional writing, I mean, writing just for the sake of it, not having a soul.

I pointed this to him and he did agree.

Now the next question…. “Sir, what has been the greatest source of motivation or say inspiration to write such things?”

“Pain….. It’s something which is very much required to bring out the best at least for me. When I look back, I feel my creativity was at its best when I had a hard time with either my family or with my girl friend. I wanted some amount of stir inside me to bring out the feelings, and to be honest, my best writings were when I had something inside, some uneasiness. When I wasn’t with my girl friend, I thought that period to be a great motivating factor because I really loved her and I wasn’t able to convey and convince how much I missed her. All this energy was put on my writings and friends said it was well written, that included my girl friend too”.

Aren’t you being harsh on your girl friend by concluding like this? I asked
“Initially, I did not think this to be the reason. But, if you look back, my best writings came when there wasn’t any clarity in our relationship. Now it’s clear much clear than what it was. You know, I don’t mind this writing. I don’t want to hurt my girl friend by telling what I feel and the reason for my inability to write anymore the way I used to.”

At this point of time, I wasn’t convinced with his argument. It was a sign of him losing his touch since he feels he doesn’t have anything to say to her about how much he cared and loved. I was wondering how his girl friend would react if she finds out about this.

Usually I don’t interfere in people’s way of working or living. But at that time, I felt I had something to say. Also, he did ask my opinion. I chose not to be a diplomat.
“The path of self discovery is very interesting. Now when we decide that this is the person, we are stopping our discovery channel and instead switch to exploring the person on a regular basis. This can be a judgmental call and one has to back oneself and be convinced. It depends what you expect from a partner. If it doesn’t match in the first step, is there any point of exploring. When you say, you are very peace with yourself after getting back with your girlfriend, then it s a positive sign. Life isn’t all about writing masterpieces. If the distance away from your girl friend was your main source of inspiration then think about the kind of inspiration she can be, now that she is even closer. I am sure she doesn’t want you to be upset because of her. I understand we do have our own ways of getting inspired but to me, it isn’t the right way to judge or conclude. If I were in your position, I would have expressed my feelings to the concerned and would find newer ways of looking at things.
In a way, this gives a chance for you to write about things in a different way rather than looking at the same monotonous way. Its time you accepted the reality and allow the change to interact with your writing and analytical skills. Its time for a change the way you looked at things. You asked for my opinion and I have given mine”

He was surprised and looked at me in a suspicious way and asked me “Have you ever gone through something like this?”

I was made to shut within no time. But I did reply, “It doesn’t matter whether I went through this all. I can say, at least I wouldn’t blame anyone but me. I have decided for the little skills I have, it’s me and my own responsibility to find constant inspirations to keep it going. Its tough at times, but beauty of nature and life is such that, it will give a lot of sources, it’s only up to us to choose them” I hope this answers your question.

Didn’t realize, Bangalore was such a short journey. He was in a hurry, we exchanged numbers and that was it. And before saying goodbye, he said, he will look into what ever I had said.

In the end, it didn’t matter, whether it was because of me he got back to his writing ways, I hope he feels great about writing again without having to blame someone else.

If world is so flat, So do tyres at times!!!

2008-08-01T21:44:00.003+05:30

Few weeks back, on a Saturday morning, I saw my car tyre being flat. I was in a hurry. Thanks to my neighbour, I went in a two wheeler, got a puncture fixing boy. He didn’t have the tools to attend my problem; instead he replaced the flat tyre with a stepney, the only one present. He took the flat tyre with him and said he will get it fixed.

Ten days went by; I hadn’t been to the shop to pick it up. Busy…. I really do not know what busy means these days. I know it is different for different people. Clearly, if I look back, I should have picked it up. I was lazy…. Let’s face it.

“My uncle was undergoing an operation at St.Johns hospital. My mom wanted to see how he was doing. That evening I came home early so that we could go. It was 730 pm and we were on our way to the hospital, suddenly there was a feeling of imbalance which I sensed. I thought the roads were bumpy, but it wasn’t and I stopped the car on the side.

The rear left tyre was flat. I was livid for a moment, say few seconds. Reality does bite hard. It bites me soon enough at times to calm me down quickly.

Luckily, few meters ahead, I saw a puncture shop. Since, there was no stepney, the tyre had to be fixed and it was courtesy of a long nail, the tyre was punctured. Two tiny holes were enough to get the tyre flat. He fixed it.”

We could manage to meet our uncle, although he wasn’t in a position to recognize us.
Such situations cannot be explained …. It has to be experienced … one can just empathize.

On our way back, it was 1030 in the night. I could sense a similar vibration and to my guess it was right, a flat tyre. Again!!!

I expected front left tyre but to my surprise it was the same tyre that got its attention few hours back. Turn left, it was a puncture shop.

He had some latest mechanical tools that could fix this problem in very less time.

I realized, how lucky I was. “Tomorrow is a big day, I have to drive long distance, what if something happens and I am stuck in middle of now where with no stepney”, wondered I.

Karma surely ensured I wasn’t punished for my laziness. I learnt an important lesson, not to ignore certain things that seem so unimportant from outside.

The previous guy failed to sense there was another tiny hole, tiniest of holes.

The tyre was fixed by the new guy. Off we went.

The next day, I wasn’t left with much option. I had to rush to my customer early. I was cautious about my driving. Two days later, I got my stepney back. It was a relief.

Lessons come through actions; they are learnt more through our own mistakes than wisdom.

I do not know, how well I would have learnt from this, but I thought this was something which I could share.

"Out of my Instinct Zone"

2008-06-30T18:38:00.001+05:30

Few things in life must not be changed, yes I indeed agree with it, unless the replacements are worth for a change.

An instinct each one possesses is a unique strength that demarcates individuals, their decision-making abilities and choice making.

To me personally, I have always trusted my instincts to take control over most situations. It’s not a maxim that I have set; in my brain. It’s a routine or one can say a mundane activity that controls most (99%) of the decisions wherein I do not have to think so much. It’s more in-built.

While on work or doing something different, requires fair amount of new ideas, Can I rely upon my instincts? Well, this question was asked and I did find a solution that seems apt so far.

When one makes decisions we back our experience, expertise and other’s experience. We look into prevailing situations and then end up taking a decision. Before executing, sometimes, I have encountered two possibilities.

One that is defined by logic; wherein one can come to some conclusion with the events that have taken place. This seems to be the best possible solution because it can be backed by certain data or events that have occurred previously. It doesn’t leave much scope for ifs, but’s and eliminates most of the uncertainties.

On the other hand, I have this personality called ‘Mr. Instinct’ who has this sense for the changes that are likely to happen in the future. The logic is very ill logical in this case and it simply doesn’t have a set pattern to explain the unfolding of the events.

Most of my struggles in life were to convince my mind, which takes sound decisions based on facts. Where as instincts, which creates its own route map, tries to convince me to take a decision based on his ill defined logic. But it works trust me.

Dare I say, very rarely I have gone against my instincts. I am indeed fortunate to have a mind and an instinct and their theories to agree to disagree. They agree on most terms and other times, one eventually compromises saying I had made a wrong decision and ends up supporting the other decision.

For the first time, in my life, I have taken a decision that is in direct conflict with my instincts. Now, instincts aren’t behaving the same way. It is indicating the past events and the present situations to keep me reminded about my decision.

If I am unsure, I let time do the talking. I wanted time for making an important decision in my life. I know it could have been a straightforward decision for the state of mind I was.

Finally after weeks on self – assessment, I came to conclusion. I am not backing my instincts.

I am backing my beliefs and my theory towards life. These are logical.

Wait a minute – “you just can’t take decisions without convincing me, hey look, I understand I have difference in views but convince me first and then go ahead with your decision” – Instinct in a repulsive mood.

This made me think a bit more…. C’mon after all someone’s asking me something and I should give. If instinct is asking me to think over again, then I must.

After few days, Fine, Mr. Instinct, I am again going against you. I know it hurts or say it will hurt me in the future for having gone against you or for having expressed my inability to convince you, but I am sure you will be there to support me in other things apart from this. This will be a nice change for both of us.

What made me go against my instincts??

I always believed, in order to attain a greater sense of achievement in life, its not what you conquer, its not what you did, its how you did.

I have few beliefs, which I have acquired as a result of living this life, watching, traveling, reading and by having conversations.

“One must always give another chance, I know it might not work out, but I am not going to lose anything because the equilibrium of karma puts it this way, when you are gaining something, you are bound to lose. Unless we do not experience we cannot say what we gained or lost, we can just have an idea, although one cannot fathom it.” – First reason

“I always told my friends if you want something in life, go ask for it. You will at least get clarity in terms of response you get. So, if you want something from someone, go ask for it. At times, life is too short to play mind and understanding games, one need to express to get what they want.” – Second Reason

Now, someone close (is it?? Asked instinct) to you comes all of a sudden and asks for something… What do you do???

This time I didn’t rely upon my instincts for memories I had. Instead I have taken this as a challenge to convince my instincts that let time heal this… I know time alone cannot heal; it’s my ability to ward off negative energies from my instincts and also the concerned person and situations. If all are in same plane or at least align in one particular direction, then future seems bright or else, I need to answer this question from a book I read….

On the top of Mount Kilimanjaro, which is considered to be highest peak in Africa, there is a carcass of a jackal on the dry snow layers at the peak. Now the question is, why would a jackal go to such an area in the first place, what made it to go such a distance?
Did it know it wouldn’t be getting any food or shelter over there? Why did it go??

I know the answer as to why it went there. Sometimes, we do sense the scent wrong. It seems foolishness for a jackal to go that far. But it just followed the scent and in the end it turned out to be the wrong scent. It followed its instincts and it failed…. Or I would like to put it this way; this so called ‘failure’ became a great example for my life.

I know Ernst Hemingway mentioned the puzzle…. But the solution to it is entirely mine or should I say interpretation based on my experience. The difference between a man and an animal is that man is capable of establishing priorities.

I might change this in the future… because I really don’t know whether I would also end up following the wrong scent of life… I really haven’t followed jackal’s life to come to a proper conclusion.
At present I can say…. I have challenged my norms and for at least one issue I am out of my instinct zone…. It’s a battle nevertheless to prove my decision right to my instincts.

Ultimately, this isn’t any wish. Being with a person I like is a goal…. a long term. This isn’t like any other unformed wish like “I want to make money, I want to win or I want to find true love”. These wishes aren’t goals as per my definition. I want to enjoy the intermediate steps associated with the goals. Analyze them, correct whenever necessary and keep moving on.

At last, this is the hardest part….. Having gone out of my instincts, I have to ensure I retain the confidence and be able to stick to whatever I have decided upon.

Edison remarked “Success is defined as 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration”.

Well, I am all ready for 99% perspiration…. Unless and until I get 1 % inspiration from time to time….

From who?

It’s a million dollar question…..

The bitter taste of Orange...

2008-06-24T06:27:00.004+05:30

The fascination of Orange… not the fruit just the pulp…was something I always cherish till date.

It wasn’t just the color or the pulp. But the soccer team of Netherlands, that caught my attention during the 1998 World Cup. Ok, I was still a Brazil fan, I still am to an extent, but none can argue my passion for the Orangee team. My friends know that…

Barring the 1988 Euro Championships, Dutch have never been able to win any major title. Too bad for a country that is second to none in the talent they have. I dare, say, even Brazil can be taken off if Dutch play to their potential.

They say if talent were alone a consideration, then you would have many successful people in this world. Test of nerves and how a team copes with adversity and the bounce back ability makes other successful teams go one touch ahead than Dutch.

Ok, there are teams like Italy (I love their defense), Argentina, Nigeria in their hey days, it’s too many teams. But for me, it’s been four teams that always catch my attention.

Dutch, Germany, Brazil and Italy – They are my pick.

Marco Van Basten would have loved to add his player’s medal, which he won in 1988 after scoring one of the best goals ever in the history.

One would like to know what’s wrong with Dutch soccer team. The legacy of Rinus Michel with his total football concept (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Total_Football)and the genius of Johann Cryuff in the 70’s make me wonder, why they can’t jump the final hurdle to perfection. They lost in the finals of 1974 and 1978 World Cup finals. The precision of ‘Clockwork Orange’ as they were more famously known wasn’t in sync for the big games.

I would love in the future to make a case study of Dutch football… Right now, I am on Italian football history or should I term it ‘Calcio’.

Well, my disappointments make me not to script an emotional script because; I do not want to criticize Dutch for the football they play. With time, I have come to terms with their mood swings with a swing of flair and brilliance to the sheer clueless, cornered football they play.

My status message was ‘Go Orangee’ for the past one week. And they just went away. If one looks at the history, you can sense why the coach Van basten didn’t react to their loss to Russia. People, who have followed Dutch football, claim it isn’t a shock, because they can lose anytime. Also, I did get to know, people in Holland just went about their life after witnessing this loss. They have just got used to this. Hats off to them for being stoic in general and just look at the positive aspects of Dutch football.

I didn’t watch the match; I was traveling from Chennai to Bangalore. First thing I did was to check the score. Well, I don’t know…. Forget it… sometimes its better not to think…

But I end up thinking …. And rest all I say is my fascination for Dutch…. I mean for the soccer team.

Remember these titans: My pick for all time favourite Dutch team

Ronald de Boer, Frank De Boer, Jaap Staam, Edwin Van der Saar, Giovanni Bronckhurst, Marc Overmars, Rudd Van Nistelrooy, Arjen Robben, Patrick Kluivert, Clarence Seedorf, Michael reiziger, Danny Blind, Edgar Davids, Marco Van Basten, Johnny Heitiga, Ronald Koeman, Andy Van Der Myde, Frank Rijkaard, Rudd Guilt, Wesley Sneijder, Johann Cryuff, Philip Cocu and last but not the least my all time favourite Dennis Bergkemp.

Love Story - Or should i say "My Story"

2008-04-01T22:13:00.002+05:30

Is it fair to love someone and just be happy with it?
Is it fair to love someone when you get to know the concerned person is in love with another person?
Is it fair to love someone when you are not sure the other person loves the concerned person as much as you do?

To be honest, I am not sure why I am asking these questions when I already feel that I am in love. Maybe, these questions are to see how people react when I say more about the person I am in love with.

Even if I get the answers to my above questions I don’t think I will be disturbed and at the same time I must shed my egoistic jacket when I am convinced that the other person loves the concerned more than me. I know there are two involved for the same girl. It’s really interesting.

Considering it was the same way both the guys met the concerned girl, one must give both parties a fair run.

Ok, in this case, I am late, I don’t know by how many days but I am not the first guy.
Will I be the victim of first cum first service?
Or, will justice prevail to show that you need to weigh your options before zeroing it on one?

The universal answer, “Time shall heal”. What a brilliant solution…… Unfortunately, I am way behind in terms of tolerance but at least I am improving to understand the beauty of this universal solution.

People talk about confidence and I can say my confident quotient was high when I was in love. Person irrelevant, but I always feel, loving someone increased my confidence levels and in turn my appetite. It still continues to do. I think it is same for everyone.

I have heard things like ‘Rising in love’ and ‘falling in love’. To be honest I still cannot fathom these two statements but for the fact– Rising in love is more optimistic and a fundoo statement to make than falling in love.

Does falling in love sound negative? If falling is negative when compared with rising, is falling in love a negative thing.

I was wondering, people including myself have spoken about rising to new heights, but I haven’t seen anyone talk about falling to new depths.

I have and I feel there isn’t any negativity about it. In fact, falling to new depths have made me dig deeper to make myself aware of my foundation and it has made me much stronger and now I know certain other ways to bolster my foundation.

I don’t know if I would have tasted the success by reaching the top, would my airy ego allow or say settle down on earth for a moment? It’s something I can comment only when I have climbed the ladder of my definition of success.

Loving someone isn’t a crime even when I am not getting the same love from the other.
However there are few things that needs to be under ethical check and as long as I do not cross those boundaries, I don’t see any harm in loving someone.

According to me, loving someone doesn’t mean she belongs entirely to me or she is my property. To me, loving someone is all about a feeling, a feeling inside which reminds me about my ability to love someone and not hate them. It’s about seeing the one I love being happy irrespective of how she chooses to be happy. Of course, it’s the internal happiness not the plastic happiness.

Well, people might term “one way love” being useless. True, to a certain extent depending on one’s intention and definition of what love is. In a way, ego controls most of our decisions and so do our interpretations of love.

I love her; people may call it infatuation, since it isn’t the usual mundane love story. When I do tell about my love, mostly I will be sounding like an idiot according to general public. All I say, I might sound like an idiot, but even I know what love is.

I am writing so that, I want to respect the new girl of my life. I know, chances are slim about us being together, but I won’t be disappointed either. It hurts but isn’t this the other side of joy?

I wont be taking it in a bad way if things doesn’t go as I like because I didn’t know when I fell in love and my mistake is, I didn’t ask her “Can I love you ………?”

One thing is sure, whether she will be a part of me or not, I still won’t have ill feelings about having met her and to have gone through not so pleasant moments. I like the honesty in which she put forth her status quo and that to me was something which normal human wouldn’t dare. In a way, I found a person who prefers to take things head on. She is beautiful, but it was the honesty which captured me towards her.

If I look back, I have moved on. All I can say, I couldn’t have imagined myself being in a position where in I would be able to love a girl again, at least so early after having learnt few lessons from the previous. I know love happens and for me it has happened.

The fizz might reduce after some reality check but nothing can stop me from loving her at least as a friend. Like an angel she came, reignited the lost passion in me. To my dear, I will always remember you for the role of a catalyst you played in my life. No one except me can acknowledge this. It might be crazy that I am gonna remember you always but I also know it’s completely humane to remember someone, if not one’s past.

This is me, coming out completely from an incomplete love story or should I say ‘like story’ because the girl before her was confused whether she loved me or liked me.
People eventually realize what’s best for them and move on or at least they try to move on irrespective of whether they really like to move on.

This is my story and I am only happy and thrilled to have rediscovered the touch of loving someone……………

Memoirs of my departed crush!!!

2008-03-03T21:26:00.008+05:30

Two events last night made me to remember her…

One of them has to be my friend Archie’s blog on singers and the other one was the video I happened to see on MTV …

It brought back the memories of 1995. Till then I always listened to songs but never really had a favorite voice that I used to listen often.
Mom had many favourite singers, but for me I was just about listening to songs that pleased my ears.
I remember in 95, Anupama Verma did a video for Biddu. The song and video somehow became my favourite. I got the CD few years later as a gift for buying an audio player. Guess, I got loads of collections of pop Indian music and this album was placed right after Alisha’s “Made in India” in the gift wrap.
I wasn’t aware it was the remix version for 3 years running since 1995. I was in love with the song more than the video. I know Anupama Verma was hot that time (she looked great in last year’s Big Boss as well), but it was the voice that kept me interested. My usual funda after watching Alisha, Anaida, and other female pop singers was, Anupama Verma to have sung this song.

Till I got hold of the CD and to my surprise, it wasn’t Anupama Verma who turned out to be the singer. I didn’t know much about this singer.
I asked my brother about her, he mentioned couple of movie references… most notably Qurbani made in 1980’s starring Feroz Khan, Vinod Khanna and Zeenat Aman. Hmmm, I loved those songs and when I listened to the Qurbani album all over again, I could connect the voice.

I am talking about the Pakistani Sensation, Nazia Hasan.
Well to be honest, I never wanted to know about her life except that I was fida over her voice and especially ‘Boom Boom’ song.

I didn’t have Internet that time and even when I had an opportunity in late 90’s, searching about Nazia Hasan was not the priority considering the amount of money I was spending on Internet café.

In 2000, I had got a collector’s edition copy of Film fare that listed all the previous winners starting from 1950’s when the award was instituted.

In the archives, Nazia Hasan – 1980- Best Playback Singer, and later that day I got to know she was born in 1965. I was like wondering the whole day, she was as old as me, when she picked up the award.

Later, I saw the picture of hers, and; I was so attracted to her…. I said to myself “Man, I am sure, she is not going to go out of my memories.” She will be there, I was a big fan of her voice but now I was a big fan of her in total. You can call it crush if one wants for my fascination towards Nazia.

These are the few pics; that will last forever within me

All I had listened, was remix songs of hers barring few originals.

In 2000, came a song – sometime in May during my holidays…. I remember the song that goes this way “Aankhen Milane wala…”. I knew it was Nazia Hasan’s voice.

Sadly, few months later, I got to know she passed away. That was one of the days, wherein we had our colleges shut because of Rajkumar’s kidnapping episode and when I heard this news for the first time, I was totally shocked and I expressed my dissatisfaction to my brother, who was equally hit by this news.

She continued to live on….memories of many like me.

Sometime, in 2003, when MTV was showcasing a special program on retro music I happened to see a video of Rati Agnihothri (audio was muted because of phone conversation I was having). I just ended the phone call and what I hear, Yes, the familiar words… Boom Boom….
I was like, OMG, is this the original song? All I got was last 40-50 seconds of that song. Of course the saving grace was the movie title that appeared in the end. The movie name was” Star”.

I happened to see the video later that week. Maybe, I was destined to see because; I was so desperate to see the original video.
As soon as I got the taste of the original, out went Anupama Verma’s remix song. From that day, till date, I love the original and continue to so.

Thanks to You Tube, I can have this song – Infact, I have tried many video shops for this movie… I wasn’t lucky. Considering the money I spend on buying movie DVDs, I must admit, this, as a big failure on my part.

Today early morning after a goof up with respect to surprising one of my friends on his birthday, in turn he surprised us and that made me sit at home rather than barging our way to his house early in the morning. I was bit sad that I couldn’t wish him in personal (which I have done over past many years). Anyways, just had a laugh for what happened.

After a while, from no where, I was thinking about Nazia, and wondered, “I haven’t seen many people of my age appreciate Nazia’s talent.”
While the song ‘Boom Boom’ is playing on my player, I am giving the final touches to this, on one of the most fascinating women I have known, never mind if it wasn’t in person. Afterall she was just 35.... when she said.... Alvida....

For more info - www.naziahassan.co.uk

A serious gab while we were in the cab

2008-02-23T22:17:00.002+05:30

On my way back home, I was asked few questions with respect to relationship and how one needs to be, in order it to be a success.
To be fair, I did not quite sail on similar lines but there was an interesting angle which she was pointing out.

While walking back, after this conversation, I did ponder over few things…….
I know there isn’t any formula (universal) for things to work.

Professionally, we have raised standards to such an extent that nowadays, professional life is making its way into our personal lives.

Professional Standards have increased, because of competition; I am not sure about personal standards even though there is no dearth of competition.

Change is essential but I am emphasizing the world evolution here. Are we evolving better emotionally from our previous generations.
This question is quite a tricky one, to prove this theory, we have to solve problems or handle problems of the past in a better way and I am sure we would all be solving it quite easily. So we have evolved to cope better.

But, what about adversity, problems, crisis etc

While puzzles are created by men, the solutions are also provided by us. In that sense, even our problems would have evolved.

We can never overtake a problem, coz once we overtake it, it ceases to exist.

We follow a problem or be par with it. So it’s relatively constant between the degree of problems and its solutions. Problems might sneak a little ahead.

In any case, those were just my thoughts….. Before having dinner

Back to the scene @ Cab

She asked:

“You knew this girl well, so your life would have been great, staying with someone whom you know well?”

I didn’t completely agree with her assessment.

Yes, it’s a comfort zone to know a person, but it isn’t always the case that one’s life will be great just because we end up marrying the girl we know. It can be made great mutually by exploring many facets of life and with exchange of information.
I believe the whole life isn’t enough to understand a person or infact to understand ourselves, so one cannot conclude this will be the way to go about in life.

She shot back another salvo at me:

“Ok, at this moment you are busy with work, surrounded by friends, meeting new people. At the end of the day, don’t you feel lonely and miss this person with whom you can share your personal space.”

Fair point, yes, I did miss at times, and I am being honest here. But one cannot continue like this. I have chosen to go ahead and accept things as they come rather than crib about the whole incident. One has to live with reality and accept them gracefully. In a way, the special person might come in the future and it’s not like we are never gonna get a partner.

She was in a mood to ask me more:

“When the new person comes, comparisons come in and one constantly keeps comparing the new one with the old one. Isn’t it tough and one will surely regret if the new one doesn’t match up. And can she fill the void?”

I don’t agree. Because looking at my life, I feel I have thrived when I was out of my comfort zone. Never felt my life was a walk in the park for a long time. I had challenges and had to fight many internal battles to concord with my principles of life. Yes temptation is there to go back to the departed soul, but when one’s instinct doesn’t want it, it doesn’t matter if the other person wants it or not. Also, I hate being regretful and mostly I avoid such situations by giving my best shot and giving others ample time to take decision. This is not fixed and it depends person to person. Unless its extreme situations, I might re-consider because I hate adamancy in such issues. In any case, I am not missing her…. One has to move on… I can’t stop here… Can I?

Well, she wasn’t gonna stop this conversation:

“Can she (new one) fill the void…?”

I feel one cannot fill the void created by a fellow human being. It’s the name that can be filled not the role. I feel my mom can act as a mother to certain people who are misfortunate to have lost their mothers. But my mom can never replace them. Similarly, each one is unique and each one has a different role to play. Smart people appreciate the presence of different people in their lives and acknowledge them for their unique brilliance rather than drawing them into a circle of their own thoughts.
I am sorry, I can pretend or all can pretend but no one can replace. If at all, replacement can happen, then, is there any value for the previous one?
Is there any value or respect for mother or god, if mothers and Gods could be replaced?
Is there any value if your best sets of people are easily replaced?
Mother is not born, she is created. A woman becomes a mother only when child is born. I know motherly feelings will be there and one need not give birth to a child to become a mother. But I hope you do understand what I am emphasizing.

In life, like mother, each one has different roles…… And I feel it is disrespect to a concerned person if she is being replaced emotionally by the other one. Instead of looking for similarity, why don’t we look at the uniqueness as long as it’s keeping us and the concerned person happy?

I look at it this way, and I continued…….

Now, I believe the whole professional set up has lot to play with our emotional values.
I was on leave for a week; a certain work was supposed to carry out, but didn’t happen due to my absence. My boss wasn’t unhappy, but felt, there needs to be a system, wherein we aren’t dependent on any individual while he is absent. Every work must happen irrespective of the concerned person is present or not.

Fair enough, after all its business and its good for one’s ego to know, I am important.
But professionally, I agree, dependency will ruin the progress and stall the growth of a company. Hence a company must never depend on individuals and rather depend on a system.

Unfortunately, like humans aren’t perfect, Will the human created systems be perfect?

I continued,

Will it stall our growth personally when we depend on someone? Can there be a system wherein you can replace the people one is missing?

She was waiting for me to give the answer for this question.

… I feel facing the harsh realities of missing someone and how one overcomes it, is the definition of life. At least, I love it that way and I have learnt to live better that way. Life isn’t always living with people whom we know; it is also a platform in which we are fortunate to know the people unfamiliar to us. This gives me a chance to acknowledge many people whom I have known and their different methods of leading their life.

It is this journey that one needs to enjoy and keep going forward. It is this story of one’s journey which can awake the somniferous people and de-motivate others.

After all, it is a matter of choice. Although, we weren’t given a choice of our birth location, status, colour, race etc. But we are given choices to undo things or do things that one wants.

“Hey, I would love to continue this topic with you….. “- Her stop had come

She got down….

Few minutes later, I got down….

As I reached home, I did realize two things. Life is full of tautologies and contradictions.

And please, I stressed to myself; do not mix one’s professional life with one’s personal life. The standards and expectations are quite different.

Remember Street Hawk??

2008-02-01T22:49:00.000+05:30

Back in 2006, Anu and myself had the privilege of hosting a quiz to select the best team in college. Its called ‘Funda-mental’.

Any fact, which was appreciated, would just be acknowledged as ‘fundae’ with a generous clap. Being a part of RV QuizCorp and its rich tradition, was just one of my dreams. It did come true.

Ask any quizzer when he sets the questions, all he wants is his questions to be appreciated, never mind it being cracked by the junta. And he must be able to keep the audience involved.

My favourite topic was Sports, Entertainment (remove some rock music) and India. I didnt mind myself being binged with facts that came my way. There was alacrity to know more in the avenues, which I was good at. Along the way, this also became a great way to burgeon my quest for knowing more facts across the world.

When I was conducting a quiz, all I wanted in return was a clap from the junta and appreciate the questions or so called ‘fundas’. This was the ultimate reward not just for me but also for all my fellow quizzers.

To come back to the history of QuizCorp, I just don’t have much to say. Lots of legends have come and conquered in RV College and all across India with sheer ruthlessness and at the same time made quizzing look more interesting and more enjoyable. (http://www.rvquizcorp.com/)

In 2004, I participated in my first fundamental. Myself, Viren and Keith after a 16 round marathon quizzing finished second overall. (It was a surprise; big occasions always brought the best in me). It was indeed a big thing as there were many good quizzers around us. At times, I always felt, it was in me to step up or step down in company with my teammates. To be frank, I was never good at solo quizzing except for sports.

Team spirit brings the best in me in terms of cracking the fundas.

The tradition was: The winner’s of fundamental get to host the next edition. Sadly, for 2 years after 2004 it never happened.

So I thought, maybe I will start this thing again. Anu was more than happy for this. To me, he is the best quizzer I have seen. I have seen a lot of seniors who come close to him or probably are ahead of him in some respects, but in what I have seen, never I have witnessed the sheer ruthlessness he exhibits when it comes to solo quizzing and any quiz for that matter. (He used to crib about Sports and India at times but most times he got it right whenever required)

Coming back to the pivotal point - Since kid, bikes fascinated me and I was cloyed with bike shows that came on TV. One happens to be Street Hawk starring Rex Smith.

It started in 1985, but my memory clearly points to late 1992 till 1993 when I was watching this show on Doordarshan. It was on Saturdays @ 930 pm, no matter what, I never missed this show.

Sadly this show ran for 13 episodes only. One of the reasons can be pointed to David Hasselholf’s convoluted machine called ‘Knight Rider’, the one that could talk.

To be frank, that show never appealed me and for me Street Hawk is way above Knight Rider.

While setting any quiz, I make sure I dedicate my favourite people, team or anything in some way or the other. I wanted a question on Street Hawk for this edition of fundamental. I had the photos of the designs of the bike, but I knew deep down this would be ‘arbit’ (too vague to crack).

One of the highlights of Street Hawk was its intro, which always stayed in mind. There it was, one I wanted to put it.

I played this to Anu; he was like Man, where did you get this…

There you go, I knew this question would be a hit. More importantly, I wanted to bring back the lost memories of this great show among the junta.

Very few cracked, but all appreciated this question.

Appropriately, this Quiz was titled 'Dedications' - Dedication to all the Quiz Corpers

That day (12th Sep, 2006), Anu started downloading this show from Bit Lord. Its 7 and half GB. He tried for a year until his comp gave up last month when he had to change his entire system.

I know, he wanted to present the entire show as my birthday gift; at least that’s what he claims. Never mind, I am going to buy this DVD and this will be placed in my collectibles.

Just to end, check out the video and of course the theme for this, which still continues to be my track when I want to get ready for bigger and greater challenges ahead.

The theme is by Tangerine Dream.

Survivor

2008-01-31T19:19:00.000+05:30

It was not the same day compared with others recently, as I reflected upon few things. Death ends a life, but it does not end a relationship, which struggles on in the survivor’s mind towards some resolution, which it may never find… I read these lines in a book…

Things have changed to an extent that Karma has started inspiring certain people. I am a great believer of the fact that, one has its own destiny and Karma is truly what I believe in.

Situations encountered over past few months where in I am not allowing the so-called other’s to enter and at times when ever opportunity presents, I panicked and I fled. Because in almost liking someone else I felt disloyal to the only one so far I ever loved.

But with time, I did realize, how much longer could I live this way, forever on my guard lest human feelings catch me unaware?

Freud-himself- once said that for the little things in life we should, of course, react according to our reason.

But for really big decisions, we should heed what our unconscious tells us.
Well not every time.

With time, I have tried many things so far, just to confront as to who I am.

I was wondering, what life would have been if certain things didn’t change? All I say, even I would have been alive.

At times, I am agog with the way things are in life. Also, I feel lonely at times, but there is something that keeps me going.

Maybe it is some sort of inspiration from few friends. And how they overcame the asperity thrown to them. Or it might be lyrics of my favourite songs and or certain pod casts that I have kept for myself when I get bugged. Books help a lot, movies too and trust me talking to people also does. There are many sources for inspiration.

But I like to challenge myself to overcome on my own fighting it out within.
At times, its ambulatory, eventually things do pick up very quickly.

In Pursuit of self-found happiness, I ensure I am not bedizened with false optimism.

Early Morning, or late in the night, I was always fascinated with the thought of everyone being a survivor in this world. Somehow, people survive. Whether we like it or hate it, they just survive.

With some maxims (not the one’s I collect) people tend to move irrespective of the direction.

I might be young, callow in most things, but I am getting an opportunity in life to cross off many things.

Past one year, life has made me to float with confidence and it has also made me come down. It’s just that, my understanding to these subtle changes has become microscopic through my own eyes and inner voice.

These words hit me most of the time…I mean inspire…

Risin' up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Face to face, out in the heat Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

Risin' up, straight to the top Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

I agree the rival is within me and no one else. External rivals are so superficial. That’s just to spice up this life game.

The below video is of course that of my idol, Rocky Balboa and how challenges keep coming at him when in fact he is enjoying his life. Champions are tested all the time, in that sense, I wouldn’t mind being tested at all rather than resting on my laurels.

The song- Of course by Survivor

The First Anniversary

2008-01-12T19:14:00.000+05:30

Its one year.

I would love to say that, time flew. On this occasion, i would like to dedicate few things which kept me motivated to write about certain adventures which i experienced and to my friends who commented on my writings.

Yesterday, i happened to meet my friend Saagar's mother. Somewhere during our conversation, this blog thing came up. When i showed her my blog, i realised, my first writing was posted on 12th of Jan, one year back.

Origins:

Till Early Jan 2007

This blog was as a result of impulsive talks and hearings that i used to have along with my few friends. I knew i had something to say, not necessarily the best thing, but i had something. I got lot of things to hear about their experience and adventures.

My bro Anil, had flew from States for a quick vacation. We have conversations on gamut topics and suddenly one day, he told me a story about a person and him writing about what he feels.

I told him, 'i do that'.

In public, on the net? , he asked.

'Here's the point, its good to express things on a wider scale. Somewhere in the future, it will be a very good indicator about one;s journey in this life and things experienced.

I was writing in a diary, few days later decided to start writing on the net.

I was worried about the content and the audience i am catering to.

Well, this is not a commercial medium, atleast for time being. This medium should serve as a catalyst to express things according to my perspective.

The Metamorphosis:

Slowly, i liked sharing my adventures, my challenges, my shortcomings and how i overcame.

I do claim, it is semi-autobiographical, inspiration from my fictional heroes, and not to forget the people whom i have met so far were the main elements on this blog.

Well, special thanks to my mates who took some time off and happen to read this blog.

I feel in the end, this blog is an interpretation of life from my eyes and other sense organs. Liberties were taken, and all i achieved was to satisfy certain things within me.

Tough thing is to satisfy oneself, i did realise this.

I have changed, during this course of my blogging. And will continue to.

Change for good? C'mon give me a break, afterall, life's just an adventure and as long as the self conscious is in feel good terms, does it matter defining what good or bad is?

Till next time,

The Fear Factor!!!

2007-12-24T20:13:00.002+05:30

Last week, mundanity returned as I started my journey (I love to call this 2km walk early morning as journey) after a long hiatus. My scheduled journey was interrupted by my travel visits to Goa, Kolkata and Chennai thrice. The wanderlust bug always coincided with my morning walks.

The weather is getting chill, as we approach the mid winter, but still that doesn’t hinder me to get out of my house at around 3 50 early mornings.
Usually, I take the main roads but the shortest route to my stop involves a narrow lane.

I have heard stories in various parts of Bangalore about dog menace. Since I love this shift timing when compared to ‘general shift’, I don’t mind waking up early.

There are reasons which motivate me to get up early. First thing would be, ‘I am a loser if I do not get up, Let what people thing about me being zany, but to me, I would be one loser and ultimately, if I don’t live up to my expectations, does it matter satisfying others in the long run?

I like taking weird routes at times, early mornings provide me an opportunity to walk in dead silence. Since, my house is on the main road, silence is premium which we hardly get. So it’s a good thing to walk through the mist, albeit cool breeze can sometimes be too tough to handle. Nevertheless, we are humans and we have evolved and adapted to various conditions, so more exposure, we shall be alright.

I prefer talking during the next few minutes about how I want my life to go. It makes sense to me to hear what I say since no one around me is making noise. If I am bugging myself, I simply count the steps I take and I ensure over the week, I would have reached a constant number while counting. This is just to ensure how concentrated I am for a particular task when gamut topics and issues are competing to finish ahead in the brain marathon.

I am awake when the whole world is sleeping, % wise, I am correct with this statement. I am walking when others are tired or just about enjoying their sleep. I am getting a chance to utilize this morning to make suitable changes in my life and be better at things which I believed was good previously. I am getting a chance to utilize these early hours to my advantage and finish things which in turn makes me feel as though I have gained time on others.

Ok, enough of me being explicit on why I like early mornings.

The fear element is there, at times, in the past I have chosen different roads to reach since the road ahead were patrolled by dogs occasionally.

I fiddled around four different ways before settling on to the least risk path. Mind you, I was scared one day when group of dogs were just barking as though they haven’t opened their mouth in a long time.

It reached a point wherein the least risk path was also getting affected. Now I loved this road and route. So one day I decided, ‘Its karma’, if I am suppose to be bitten by a dog, I cannot avoid. Slowly I started walking past them, goose bumps all over my body as I went passed them.

Woof, what a relief. The other side of fear is freedom.

Last week, a ferocious dog, just one, was barking and staring at me simultaneously. It was scary. Two seconds, I decided to walk straight without bothering what it might do.

It started barking more, but I was marching ahead without looking at it.

Barking intensity increased but I could notice, it was moving backwards and barking.

Now, I was looking at the dog and approaching it, it was moving backwards and barking. It stopped finally and ran away, stopped and as I went past it, it didn’t do anything.

Am I lucky??? You can club me into that category.

But I would like to look at it this way.

The rest of my walk was more on thinking as to why dog behaved this way.

‘Fear was – Being bitten by the dog.’

Last year, fear was, climbing Mount Abu but I overcame it by facing that fear of losing than avoiding it.

To be frank, I faced fear and started walking towards it. Now all I can think of is,

Exposing to the unknown. I always felt, I feared when I encountered a new situation and fear element was as a result of many uncertainties involved pertaining to what if this new thing goes wrong.

Now, same applied to the dog, when dog barks, normal reaction would be to back off and go backwards or runaway fearing dog bites. Now, this is what a dog expects.

I did completely opposite and to my surprise, I saw dog moving backwards and eventually ceased its ferocity as I kept marching. It was exposed to a zone of uncertainty and hence fear element would creep, so it was confused as to what needs to be done, and by the time it decides, I was through……….

So, in a way, this did give me to understand what ‘Walking towards fear rather than away’ actually meant.

It’s a nice story isn’t it? The one in which I emerged victorious. Things could have been different if dog would have behaved badly or I encountering a mad dog.

But, I always feel, as a student of life, one needs to look at it in all respects, so this time I was convinced ‘You can walk towards your fears and emerge triumphant’. Next time, it may or it may not. But I am happy that I did something different than last time and it worked.

I got reminded of a quote from Anne Frank:
“The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.”

Well, this was just an experience I wanted to share as to how I experimented with my life when same situation encountered. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

Ok, my journey to work is about 90 minutes which is enough for me to catch up on sleep to and fro which makes me sleep at the same time others or in general majority of people choose to sleep.

So what can happen to me tomorrow????

Let’s put it this way….. I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today and never been in such deep love.

It will take some time to pull off those lines in full conviction, but effort has to be made and what better day than today and the best time would be now……….

Om Shanti Om

2007-12-05T11:28:00.000+05:30

Fortnight ago one Sunday, I watched OSO (Om Shanti Om). To be frank, quite a mundane movie. The good part was the '31 Stars' video and Deepika Padukone. Overall, it was a time pass movie. I dont want to criticise this movie because it is a super hit (that's what public says).
Well, Farah Khan does know what it takes to make a hit movie. People with no expectations would have appreciated this movie much better. Overall, a slight improvement over her previous movie, Main Hoon Naa. I guess, some people just know what clicks in this ever vacillating film business.

The highlight of the movie: People who have watched tend to agree with. In a parody of Filmfare Awards, there is a nomination of Best Actor category. Akshay Kumar gets his nomination in the movie 'Return of the Khiladi'. The rushes shown were just too brilliant. Watch this video

Now Watch this : This one's my favourite

The Above video is from the 2003 Swedish Movie 'Kopps'. Well, OSO was not just about Indian cinemas of yesteryears relived, but a touch of international as well.

Life is a bar of chocolate.............

2007-11-14T19:09:00.001+05:30

I am back, after a while, where in I had planned many times to fill this up. Most of the times, situations made me to be in a position of lurking at things.

The question is what made me to write after a long time??

First thing, I didn’t want my blog to sere up without any new additions, secondly, I really enjoy writing my adventures or in simple terms, I just love writing what I feel like.

Finally, this happens to be the reason for this particular blog post.

18 years back, we all know Sachin made his debut. But this isn’t about it. Somewhere in Bangalore, I was a school going student and that time I was in class one.

I used to commute via rickshaw which was hired just to pick and drop me to school and home. I used to be agog to play my peevish or say pettish tricks which did make some of my fellow mates and teachers (not everyone though) go mad. Chocolates, I love them. I never forced anyone to have chocolates and always fought with my sister to have her share also.
I am the happiest guy, when I see chocolates and people not liking them. How can someone hate chocolates?
The answer is simple, ‘How can you hate having curds?’ Many people ask me this. I can understand, but curds and chocolates cannot be compared. But who cares, if people don’t like chocolates.

REWIND:
One day while I was getting ready to go to school (1989), I saw an advert of Campco bar chocolate in the newspaper. I wanted this badly. My dad didn’t concur with my incessant pleading. I even threatened not going to school, if I didn’t get my Campco.
Finally, my dad agreed and he promised me he will get one in the evening. I refused and forced him to get this choco bar at that moment.

By this time, the pick up auto had come. I had to go to School. I refused to get inside the auto. After a while, my dad gave in. I asked my dad to come along with me to school. On our way to school, I knew a shop that used to sell these Campco bars. So my dad was forced to come along with me in the auto. He was leaving to work and many times, he used to take the same route to catch his bus to work. He came along with me with his suitcase which had many of his files in it.

I was so happy. I could just imagine how well, the bar would be melting inside my mouth. I felt like a mollycoddle.
Just before the shop, there is a crossroad, wherein my dad usually used to take right and I was supposed to go straight on the same road to school. I was surprised when he asked the auto guy to stop at the crossroad.

I asked, ‘The shop is not here, why stopping?’

My dad got down and instructed the auto driver to go to school. That’s it.

I was shattered and I kept shouting my dad’s name. By the way, I call him ‘Anna’. I kept shouting ‘Anna, Anna………’

Tears…….. I was furious and I just couldn’t stop myself crying and shouting for what happened. The auto was heading towards the school and I was shouting for not having got my chocolate bar. I did complain my mom about this incident. My dad, the usual way, just started laughing about it.
To be frank, I don’t remember, whether I got my choco bar. My instinct says I did get it after few days. Now, no matter what, I can never forgive my dad for what he did. I just can't get over this, even though its a silly matter.

I never raise this ‘so-called’ kinder- heart breaking issue with him, but this incident happens to be my recurring dream. It keeps coming back to me.
I have cried when I was alone many times when I just think about this incident.

Now, last Sunday, I had kept my chocolates safely in the freezer. My sister’s share along with mine was both kept. Later, when I returned, I saw, there wasn’t to be any more left. I was furious and asked my sister about this. She pointed out, ‘dad had your share’.
Now, I just told ‘Dad, why you have to do all these things, I still get reminded of what you did to me when I was a kid?’
Although, my dad and sis didn’t have much clue as to which incident I was mentioning. I was upset. With a smile, I went back to my room and that’s it.

One thing, its silly, but many things do stay like this and when I look back, my dad has given me many things I have asked him for, then why I need to be unhappy about what happened when I was a kid.

Last year, I had promised my niece, I would be getting her fruit cake that night so that she could carry them to school the next day. I failed to live up to my promise, and I did call up my sister to say I am sorry, I just didn’t get any. She said ‘It seems you had promised her’.
I had to leave early next morning to work. Just when I was about to leave, I got reminded of the above incident and how bad I felt for not getting what I was promised.

My niece won’t understand why I didn’t get it. She might forget this after some time. But, I didn’t want to take chances and I didn’t want to give an inch so that she feels bad for not getting her fruit cake.
Instead of catching the cab, I waited for one and half hours so that, the confectionary guy opened his store and after some time, I took a parcel of fruit cake.
I went to my niece’s place. She was taking bath. I just kept it on the table.

My sis asked, ‘Why you had to do all these things, you should have gone to work, she is young and she will forget it within a day’.
I just replied, ‘I just know how it feels, especially when young, when you don’t get after a promise was made’.
I left. I was a relieved man. That evening, I was playing with my niece, ‘Thank you Mamu for the cake’, she remarked.

A smile on her face and it was very satisfying for me.

My Favourite Chocolate quote : "Life is a box of chocolates, you never know which one you get". In my case, i just know, when i missed it.

The Stick Game!!! Chak De

2007-09-05T19:23:00.001+05:30

I am writing this as a fond memory of a person who was instrumental in me picking up a game which I wasn’t aware at that time (1991-92), although it was short lived.

Meet, Dr. KrishnaSwamy, a highly respected doctor, who was revered for his skills as a doctor in Chintamani, Kolar district. He retired and spent later part of his life with each of his son’s place. (3 to 6 months on a shift basis).

To me, he was known as a person whom I heard my cousins calling him ‘Doctor Thatha (Dr. Grandpa)’. This was how I knew him when I was barely 3 years old. Since, I do not remember much time spending with him till I reached 7 years; I am unable to recall any sort of interaction with him prior to this.

It was 1991 and towards the end of the year, I vividly remember, he was staying at our place. By this time, I was famous or say infamous at times for my antics both at home and everywhere my parents took me along. Dennis the Menace, my nickname and co-incidentally Dennis is also the name of one of my sporting idols (Dennis Bergkemp from Netherlands).

Flash Back 1991-92:
Early morning, I used to wake up. My grandpa would be chatting with my mom. He used to be a helping hand to my mom, making her task a bit easy by cutting the vegetables and catering other needs. He just loved doing all such things especially pertaining to kitchen stuff.
I fondly remember, one day, unwittingly I asked him; ‘I am 7 years, how old are you?’
I didn’t get an answer, he just replied, I am too old. I didn’t question him further.

He wasn’t the urbane sort of doctors I had seen previously. Doctors to me were the people who were associated with syringes, vitriolic tablets; which my mom used to crush and dissolve it in hot water for appeasing me whenever I refused to swallow a tablet.

I never believed the fact that he was a doctor. He never dressed up like one and never had a clinic. Although, I did see him go to our neighbour’s house now and then and do a routine check up, mainly through words and at times by prescribing few medicines.

He was bald, had a charming face, and used to smile very often. Never, I saw him get depressed either with his age related problems or any other issues. He was vivacious and that helped me because I never liked people who were idle and morose. I wanted everyone to play alongside me or at least allow me to play my pranks.

555 was his brand which I wasn’t aware till I caught him once in the restroom and asked him, what’s this smoke doing here and why it is smelling bad and vitiating our restroom ???
He was embarrassed and later my dad told me, it’s same as what your uncles do. That was it, I mean, it was an explanation for what we call ‘smoking’ and somehow I wasn’t curious ever after in my life to find out what exactly it was or how it tasted.

One thing I was fascinated about my grandpa was the way he used to feed me right after I returned from school. He used to make a glass of hot milk for me, it had boost in it. I used to love boost because it was associated with cricketers. I am not sure, whether Sachin used to endorse it in 1991, but I am sure after 1992 World Cup, Kapil Dev and Sachin did endorse the brand.

Later, I had a penchant to the taste of Bournvita powder compared to boost; hence I stopped drinking boost, instead started eating lots of Bournvita powder for which my teeth used to be coated with brown powder and my mom and dad used to blast me.
Till the age of 15, I was addicted to eat Bournvita powder.

My grandpa hated me for one reason. I used to run away with his walking stick whenever he wasn’t using. Be it while he was at our neighbour’s place or at our place, he was always being vexed by me and especially when I used to snatch his walking stick in front of him.

He used to shout and I knew, it was momentarily, because he wasn’t vindictive in his approach, not even complaining to my parents. But whenever I did this in front of my parents, my mom used to give me a glare but my dad never said anything.

Now what was in this stick that made me go crazy over it? I was a fervent follower of sports, mainly cricket and tennis at that time.
I had my cricket bat but I used to use this stick to imitate an innings of a cricketer when he had scored big runs, replicating shot by shot, giving commentary to myself, (it had similar words those used by the commentators) and used to enjoy vicariously what a cricketer went through.

Sometime, after 1992 Cricket World Cup, I read a funny name in one of the sports columns of Deccan Herald. In local language his last name sounded funny. ‘Pillay’ and I used to call many people as Chota Pillay (small dwarf). I was 8 years and look at me; I used to call my peers by this name.

He played a game, what I called as ‘stick game’. And believe it or not, the hockey stick resembled my grandpa’s walking stick.

After a yearning Cricket World Cup for the Indian team and us having to watch others play, Olympics was something which everyone were looking for. I was sad not to see India in the 1992 World Cup finals, but cricket was my priority and religion, so it didn’t matter at all.

After getting impressed with the game of hockey, I used his stick to play hockey in our house compound. Using tennis ball, I used to dribble and scored goals with wall being the goal post.

I never played this sport outside our compound because, only I had the stick and not even a single friend had a grandpa who used walking sticks. Quite healthy those grandpas I must admit. Mind you, it wasn’t easy at that time to buy a hockey stick because; we had just bought a cricket kit and my parents and my friend’s parents didn’t agree when we asked for a hockey stick.

So hockey happened to be a solo sport for me.
But, crazy that I was, few months later when we bought cricket wickets, we used that to play hockey.

My grandpa’s hockey stick, I mean, walking stick served my so called ‘an insane’ ambition of playing hockey.

This routine of stealing his stick continued for months.

Oct, 1992. A grand party was arranged at our terrace. All possible cousins and relatives gathered on this occasion. The occasion was: ‘Grandpa’s birthday’.
On top of the chocolate cake, these words were creamed –‘Grand Dad 82’. The party was organized by my father and my paternal uncles.
“My grandpa is 82 years”, wondered I.

Instant ramification of the party was to see my grandpa being shifted to one of my uncle’s house. Although, it was very close to our house, I could sense a void of him not being there. Of course, it wasn’t just for the stick, but I really missed him.

Four months later, in Feb, 1993, he passed away at our uncle’s place while my mom was feeding him with a glass of water. He was diabetic and hence the heart attack he suffered didn’t come to our notice. I was at home sleeping when he departed.
Next day, it was just hard to believe that he was no more. I had seen people die in the movies, but, to me, this was the first time I ever had to witness the lamenting situation.
Being a grandson, I was made to do some rituals, just like my other cousins performed.

The stick was burnt along with his body and except for few photos and memories; there aren’t any vestiges of him left with me.

Some years back, I did find few letters which he had written to my mom while he was at our uncle’s place. He used to mention my mom as ‘DIL’ (Daughter-in-law) in short, while he wrote his daily routine and other things.

I haven’t seen the movie, ‘Chak De India’ till date. I haven’t seen full promos of the movie till date. All I have heard is, it resembles the life story of Mir Ranjan Negi, former Indian hockey player, it’s a good movie and Preethi Sabarwhal played by Segarika Ghatge is hot.

But the whole notion of the movie being based on our national game brought back those days when I used to snatch the walking stick from my grandpa.

In hindsight, I feel, I would have enjoyed a lot more talking many things about life with him if he were to be around today.
Rather than cribbing about him not being there, I was at least destined to have met him even if it was for a short time.

I never played hockey from past 13-14 years, because it never suited my fellow mates, also, we enjoyed cricket, soccer, tennis and baseball more than hockey.

I hope the trend changes and soon we see hockey reach the heights once again and add more Olympic gold medals with 8 already being won (World record – 6 in a row from 1928 Amsterdam to 1956 Melbourne). The last one was at Moscow in 1980.

This is to my grandpa and his wonderful walking stick. Hope grandpa’s walking sticks can do wonders to reignite the passion of hockey which is at its nadir at the moment.

Love Story - My Way

2007-09-01T13:33:00.001+05:30

There are events which are not certain. When that uncertainty surfaces on our life, things shall not be the same. For a moment, many things we encounter tend to obfuscate us.
Past experiences will help at times to see through the situation or else we need to experience it for the first time.
Many things will be fresh and it is what one learns out of it and uses it effectively next time around, the individuals stand out.
The situation will precipice on the mind. One such situation is to decide about parting ways.

It is really confounding to take a decision when to part and more importantly whom to part with. Being humans, we are controlled by several motives. Ultimately it boils down to personal ethics and personal benefits. Benefits can come through ethics but it is subjective.

To me, truth is much bigger than what we see, hear or experience. What we get is just part of it.

I recently read “Love Story” by Eric Segal. For me the novel’s quote inspired me to read this book.

The word ‘Preppie’ used by the lover girl to call her lover boy gives me Goosebumps.

I hear things must be done this way, that way. Similarly I have heard many times as to how a relationship must work. At times, one shall get good advice but to generalize all situations to one is highly preposterous.

Like I said, we tend to generalize with what we call as reality and this reality is relative and can rise to many opinions which all might sound logical but it might not be the right key.

The book shows the narrator and hero Oliver IV being obnoxious when it came to his dad (Oliver III) and his behavior. It just showcased an over wrought individual having walked under the glory of his father all through his life.

Never really a sincere effort was made to reconcile his differences with his dad.

A girl named Jennifer came into Oliver’s life. He was rich and she was poor.

He claimed that she wasn’t that great looking and she just replied “I know. But can I help it if you think so?”

It was more than just physical attraction. Complete opposites but still they didn’t require some sort of occult to make them get attracted and fall in love.

The next question after love sows its seeds in their hearts. She wasn’t really sure whether the relationship would work because of her background.

He was serious and he did leave his parents for her.
This is how the story proceeds further. I don’t want it to be continued here.

Rather I would appreciate the quote which made me read this book.

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry”.

For most things I would agree with this because love can come only when we accept each other the way we are. At times, things won’t be perfect and we tend to be prone to errors. Hence, if sorry could reverse the aftermath of a decision then the ‘sorry’ word will be equivalent to a dose of panacea.

But since yesterday, I started to wonder the other side of this quote.
I was made to think
“Hey, what do I mean love means never having to say your sorry?"

“Love means being able to say your sorry when you have hurt the person you love so much... and being able to forgive.....”

We are emotionally fixed to certain limits. Hence the word sorry can soothe the disturbed souls.

To me, the above two quotes summed up the pristinely words ‘love and relationship’. In a way, both are different sides of a same coin.

Also, love need not be the only thing which can bind two people. There are many factors associated with it. Just like a dish is made up of many ingredients which contribute to its good taste, similarly a good relationship is not based only on love.

To me, Only Love is not enough.

Regarding the sorry thingies, apology comes and even the concerned is forgiven. It was love which made one apologize and it was the same reciprocation of love the one was forgiven.

I don’t know whether this line holds good- We meet to part and part to meet. Maybe our paths meet some day.

And who said the feelings for the special one you love is perpetual?

It can; but to me,

“It takes someone very special to help you forget someone very special.”

Till we discover that very special it will be a little tough to forget someone very special.

“Thanks Ollie” was her last words.

She wasn’t to be a part of his life for a long time but she did play a role in binding the uncouth differences a son had of his father. At least they ended up being together.

Life isn’t that cruel after all. From what I have learnt, each one has to fight his/her own battles.

To end

He will be asking these questions for some time:

"What can you say about a twenty three old girl who died and wasn’t part of me? That she was beautiful and brilliant? That she loved music, candles, books, power, public affection and me???"

MEET GANDHI- THE FATHER OF OUR NATION

2007-08-16T02:10:00.001+05:30

Its Independence Day, 60 years, calls in for a celebration. I felt, looking at the media, our commercial ventures made the Independence Day lose its tactile sensitivity. It is great to see many different ads coming out; I feel, its

India

as a country have our own tenet when it comes to celebrating any occasion.

Today morning, a friend of mine was writing an article on India and she seemed to be very passionate about it. She wanted to underscore the fact, the beauty of India and I am sure it will be a good reading. I felt, “Chalo, even I shall share few of my adventures associated with Indian Independence with the same verve as she is”.

Last year, some time in July, I selected few places of my own volition. First stop was Ahemadabad. There was a reason to meet one of my good friends, Rachita, who was working out there. Well, first signs of her stay at Gujarat weren’t encouraging. She was accompanied by her mother, but they both didn’t seem to enjoy the visage of that particular environment. In a way, it is tough on us to be leaving our comfort zone (home) to some other place. I guess, at times one shall be wallowed with circumstances when there aren’t many choices given.

I reached the place and first thing I did was to book a hotel room for myself. The weather was not dry and was cloudy. It was that time of the season where monsoon was expected any moment. I never set my heart on myself while traveling, I keep reminding that I have got too much wanderlust at times and hence I allow my mind to control most of the situations. I did meet Rachita and her mom. In a way, they were happy to see me being there when there aren’t familiar faces around. They were staying at company’s guest house until she found herself a house to stay.

THE DRAWING ROOM OF THE GUEST HOUSE

First day was spent in me spending most of my time with them. Rachita wasn’t feeling well for some days. I and her mom went out in search of a house. We did meet quite a few agents and lots of houses. We weren’t quite happy with what we saw. In a way getting a house which aunt and Rachita wanted seemed very tenuous, but never did they or even I lose any hope.

On my way back, next to my hotel, there was a theater. I am fond of movies and I just went in to watch “Omkara”. I paid 20 bucks for this and got a good deal with the seating as well. I did realize the entertainment taxes out here in Bangalore were too much. I guess that goes the same ways with any inter state movies.

Day 2: Wanted to visit places. I was sure this place was close. Took the rickshaw and out I went.

Sabramati Ashram it was………

To be frank, I was always fascinated with the way, Gandhi worked out his ways. Be it, via Ben Kingseley in the movie ‘Gandhi’ or his experiments with truth, he some how epitomized a man who is not just known for his tonsure.

Previously, I knew Gandhi only through movies and literature. As I walked into this tract of infinite wisdom, I was astonished to see and hear many facts about his life.

The ambience was refreshing and the first thing I did was to enter the museum, which had many of his writings along with his photographs.

One by one as it flickered, I was in alacrity to know the reason for him being transcendent and set an example of being truculent by imbibing the concept of ahimsa.

Many of the portraits explained the transports of people and Gandhi in particular for a common purpose. Being Independent; free of being held in thrall by the British.

ONE OF THE SET OF PHOTOGRAPHS BEING DISPLAYED AT THE MUSEUM

By looking at the photographs and the events depicted, I was being vicarious with the events.
The vision of Gandhi was clear, to turn the barren administration into a verdant.
His veneer appearance spoke more than his abstinence practices. He had principles and he followed it vehemently. Few would argue or doubt his principles, but, he had a vision and a dream, he sensed to negate the ever growing vex among his fellow countrymen, ahimsa was the way to go. He never veered with his principles even at the time of adversity. It spoke volumes of a man, who stood by what he thought was veracious.

It was time, to give back the voyeur British Government to stop impaling Indians (as we proudly say it) with their illogical, adamant and more importantly egoistic practices at times.

Like, we say, British did a lot of things which were responsible for the uproar. Spreading English education by Sir William Bentick and encouraging Indians to take part in civil services were precedent for self awakening for souls.

It was at times, the vitriolic and virulent attitude of certain officers made us realize, it was high time we needed our land to be ruled by our leaders, not aliens.

I don’t want to go back into history, but would like to share the vignette I have or rather I saw out there at ashram.

It was his sheer dedication and determination that saw British wane out eventually.

Well, Gandhi didn’t become a leader, he was made to lead. Not only he led because people had faith in him, he had faith in himself and his abilities to take on the unbridled opposition.

However, there were people who were in opposition to what he believed in. But, instead of blaming each other, we must acknowledge the best of all the worlds, because, everyone had a common goal.

A nation boasting people who are religious, moral, unsavory, fearless, timorous etc

There are possibilities of conflicts of principles and interests. But in this case, it was only principles because the interest was same. All had a common interest.

At last, the Gandhian principles prevailed and he turned out to be the main catalyst for our freedom. So he was our Father of the Nation. If Bose would have survived and got us the freedom through his principles, he would have been bestowed with the above title.

Ultimately, it is all about being survival of the fittest, Gandhi just proved, he need not be physically fit, his taut principles and the tensile strength of it were indeed very fit.

Even now, his idealisms, doesn’t seem to be uncouth, it’s just that we need courage to follow it. One has to be tendentious and then follow it up. Gandhi’s idealisms were accepted at that time, because, we were short of ideas and we just accepted it because it worked for us. So in theory, situation is very different now. We need to use these idealisms to fight within rather than people.

Also, people wanted and waited to hear at that time, and it isn’t same, although people want to hear, but, do they have time to wait?

And by the time, I reached the end of portrait section, I did realize, being independent doesn’t mean staying away or not being dependent on others, Independent means, unclogging our self with the ailments we carry through out the day. So freedom in actual sense means to free our self from the prison of our thoughts which inhibits our movements. This could bring a degree of tempestuous situations at times within us, but it is better to tarry decisions than to end up being tawdry.

Sometimes, we need to carry the necessary unguent to the sore mental muscles. That comes with wisdom. Gandhi, in his veracity expressed the need to read literature and to be aware of the world that takes us a step closer to being independent.

If, independent means to be not being dependent, then wisdom helps us to be aware of situations and hence less dependent on others. Serve the food you like, buffet is ready.

But, it is better to enjoy the best of all worlds at our disposal than criticize being drawn to comparison. Although, if comparison is what that brings in the money for others, let it be at professional life than taking it to our personal lives.

Towards the end of the portrait section, a portrait of his funeral is displayed. Nearly three lakh people gathered on that day.

THE NEWSPAPERS ALL OVER THE WORLD COVERING GANDHI'S DEATH

THE DEATH BED

THE FINAL RITES

He wore the robe of verisimilitude. His deeds are indeed highly venerable from all places across the world.

After a while, I visited his home, Hriday Kunj. A familiar sight of a Gandhian sat there. I asked him about the history of this place, he explained in a detailed manner. He did mix his Hindi with Gujarati; I was being unimpeachable and didn’t show any signs of not understanding when he spoke in Gujarati. But I could sense, what it meant.

HRIDAY KUNJ

I entered the place, it was refreshing. One could forget all the venial thoughts. Except for his room, all other rooms were accessible. Although, one could get a glance of how his room looked like.

THE MAIN DOOR OF THE HOUSE

KASTURBA GANDHI'S ROOM ENTRANCE

GANDHI"S ROOM ENTRANCE

THE PLACE WHERE GANDHI SPENT MOST OF HIS TIME- HIS ROOM- PHOTO TAKEN FROM LITTLE OPENING

And after this, I could see the sad sight of River Sabramati. It was polluted and dry. Thankfully, Government is restoring the river through one of its projects.

Forecast was rain showers on that day, but even the weather gods couldn’t vitiate my visit to this ashram.

At the end of the day, I could summarize his principles in this way. V for Verity and not Vendetta.

In a way, whenever I behave in a waggish manner, never I realized what went before me. Did people of my age at that time enjoyed similar privileges?

The point is its not comparing our lives with that of our ancestors. It is all about learning and being progressive. Like we progressed from monkeys to humans, our thoughts must progress. It is all about creating better positions for the coming generations rather than concentrating on trifling issues.

I know our tyranny might not help us in progressing. But doesn’t the situation arise once again what our ancestors faced.

It is true, history repeats. And it is also true, one must learn from our history.

Sometimes we do dream to have many things. It is all about transmuting our dreams into actualities. The challenges faced in realizing our dreams are what we call the driving forces of Life. One could be a hero like Gandhi, Bose etc bowled by their talisman qualities.

The way our mind progresses, the problems would have reached another level as well. As proportionately, we are all in the same league as our ancestors were.

In a way, it is tantamount with the lives we live with the ways our forefathers lived. I know it has changed a lot. But, change is the only constant thing in this world.

It is not just to remember them on particular days being allotted as National Holidays.

The way they thought about us being in good positions, it would be better if we do the same by thinking of our country’s future. Oh yes, there would be a Gandhi, Bose coming out again. It is likely to be a combination of many qualities than those reminiscent of Gandhi alone or in particular any other person alone.

I managed to catch the rickshaw and headed towards the hotel. I indeed realized every idea works as long as it works and continues to work if it had worked.

I Saw Who??

2007-08-10T19:20:00.001+05:30

Incensed by the world around me, I keep wondering as to how things can be so different, I see people living their lives in the most logical way possible and few others who expect things to happen, busy with their incantation. It’s ingrained in my mind, I meet people who are either ingenuous or people who are ingrate. I like being an inquisitor and more sort of an interloper who invades into many facets of life. I heard, thinking about oneself, is not being selfish, and, for most parts of my life, I saw this aspect being mastered only by certain people whose ideals were insuperable and insurmountable. Their interminable willpower and the ability to deal with inimical, iniquitous people and environment is something I kept wondering whether it is innate or has it been cultivated by wisdom. This is a group of intelligentsia, where academic qualification doesn’t have much say.

They lead an idyllic life, minus all the impetuous situations. They do not implore for a living and for that matter to be happy, they instead seek out or rather construct a pathway to their intellectual success. They may be impecunious, but they do not rely much on money, although they do realize, money is important, but it isn’t that important. They are impregnable to the greed of wealth in the form of money; they prefer the wealth which is indissoluble unlike money which goes through a series of incursion at times.

I was getting curious to meet any one of them who possess such remarkable skills that are incontrovertible. I was being an itinerant in the search of this spiritual Guru from whom I could imbibe certain skills.

I had to give up many things in search of this Guru, I was not sure, but I wanted to learn. So after reluctance I was inveigled in to this spiritual journey. I was inured to my house, family and other things which were ineluctable since childhood. I did leave and few miles I started walking. After few days, I was out of my indigenous place.

Few friends did drop by, to change my decision which according to them didn’t make any sense at this point of time in my life. By this time, I was imbued with the similar talks and I was beginning to immure my purpose by their advice so to say. To be frank, I was happy to find some friends who wanted me to come back, mainly they didn’t want me to go out of my comfort zone. Well, one friend just came near me and told “Forget the imbroglio out here, instead of this imposture, you go and discover yourself, I hope this journey shall incapacitate all the unnecessary bugs on your mind. You have taken a bold step, make sure you are not being imprudent on this journey and at the same time you incite with all the wonderful things around you. Things can be inclement at times, but that will only help you strengthen your will. Initially the results of your efforts will be imperceptible, but prolonging your will shall make your mind inundated with thoughts that will come in handy through out your journey”.

Won’t I be termed as a hermit if I am not with my friends? And, is it possible to retain my individuality with the inveterate group of people I end up meeting each day?

Life at times can be intractable to those who are invidious with the things and people around them. Hence they lose a chance to appreciate the other side of the coin of life. Accompanying such kind of people at times can be irksome. Some of the quibbles they have are inane to the nth order. True, it is incommodious to include them in our lives, but in no way we have rights to be invective and indict them with hatred ness. Their qualities are not irremediable and neither we are here to find a remedy for others. We are here to find remedy for our inborn illness, and no physicians or chemists have a solution for this. It is us and you for your life. People not understanding this, might lead a life which is insubstantial but I look at it this way; From other’s failures one must learn and hence if the other person enjoys committing mistakes one must learn not to make instead of subjecting ourselves to insubordination.

First and foremost we must learn to agree to disagree many aspects of life and mainly people’s behavior. People’s behaviors are irrevocable just like ours. By knowing ourselves, one can avoid being irreverent to the life we are given to lead. Through self awareness one can iridescent the qualities which will ingratiate with the people who are struggling to know themselves. Majority of the opinions are based on the actions taken by us in a similar situation. We appreciate it, if it goes on par with our thinking, we tend to inveigh the actions if we do not think in a similar way or it becomes an innovation if we do not have any idea about the actions. So basically most of us do not have any inkling as to what is happening in one’s life. One must be insightful and inter the trivial things that happen around us. One must never interdict the process of “practical intellectual learning”.

PIL, as I would describe. One that happens each moment, it must be realized. PIL has an inordinate fondness of helping us, training us to make our lives better, but very few people realize this and others behave as though they are insensate for PIL. Every one have their own defined problems, it’s mundane. However it is one’s choices that determine the outcome. Some are time precision and others are inopportune. To practice PIL, one need not be an ascetic. One can choose to be intermittent. To be present and mingle with the people and at the same time be separated from the world through sheer will power. One need not meditate on the snowy mountains to attain intellectual knowledge, one can learn only by being present in this world surrounded by people. This learning to start with is not inscrutable and with keen dedication we can get rid of certain infirmity which inhibits our intellectual growth.

By being more self aware, one can see the distinctions with people around us and it makes accept the indignation at times. Self awareness brings indissoluble changes and mostly for the better. One can be inebriated with many thoughts that are not useful and hence we end up being branded as inept. Interesting things do happen, one likes to be infantile in decision making others can infract. Very few decisions can be indubitable and sadly even they aren’t spared these days due to difference in opinion that voices out from each corner in this world. So with many people around, true learning happens when one allows others to impale our body with their thoughts which fights with our ideals in order to indenture to alien thoughts. This fight between the ideals of self with that of all the people is what we call the impetus of life.

It is a war, compromise, friendship and one encounters many personalities during this war. Impertinent, impetuous, imperious, impiety, impolitic, incendiary, incontinent, insidious, insolvent, insouciant, insurgent are some of the qualities that impute to an infernal life. However, on the flip side, there are people who incrust rate themselves with fortitude. More often than not, the battle would be with the former and hence the outcome can be at times indomitable and inexorable. So with many people around, we can very well accept the fact that everyone cannot be perfect and carry out things in a manner of inerrancy.

All human beings are capable of error, so why being fussy in living in this world. So all we need to do is, train ourselves to lift the incubus hovering around us and incur things that aids to intellectual growth. In a way, we indite our literature of life and all we must ensure, the pages of our literature to be indelible by people who lead an incorporeal life. By knowing ourselves we can detach the incognito bug by our personal identity so that it can indemnify some aspects moving forward. So when people can live the life impugning, making incisive remarks about others, why can’t you live quite the opposite way?

The challenge is to avoid immolating our lives to the circumstances instead fight the imbecility within us and not wait till the realization time is imminent. Instead of leading a life filled with a felling of ignominy, we have a chance to live quite the opposite manner which is free from impunity as a result of our actions. We must not allow circumstances to incarcerate us and reduce to a state of impuissance.

What must I cultivate in order to strengthen my PIL?

Be an incumbent in your mental office. Keep accurate records of all the things that you do. Never give a chance to incriminate your downfall on others, even if you do, do not prolong it or rather do not repeat it. We do make mistakes and go off track in our impromptu living style. Allow your mind to accept the impropriety in many facets of life since not all things are made to perfection. A human life is inalienable to many things; one must not try to change it for self satisfactory. Some remarks are imponderable; hence do not bother to weigh the full import of the content. It doesn’t have it in any case. View your life like a movie and the circumstances as adventures. Keep your options open so that you don’t reach a stage of impasse, wherein there is no escape. Cultivate the will power so that it is impalpable to the various temptations thrown around. Be importunate to certain things all by yourself in order to realize the capacity and to an extent to gauge one’s tolerance limits. Appreciate things which you have and never importune for things in a greedy way; there are few things which go our way and all other things in our favor are highly implausible.

Instead of imprecating others for being a catalyst in your downfall and treating with indignity, try not to be severe. There are things which are meant to happen in a certain way. The beauty of life and the mystery associated with it is in the interpretation of events that happen in a certain way. Instead of blaming situations and passing impious remarks about others, one must cultivate the habit of decoding the event language and hence try to become better interpreters of life. So you must be able to defend yourself against direct accusations in the same spirit as the innuendos on one’s character. Certain things are ruled by one’s thoughts and others from different people’s thoughts. We must reduce the interregnum between these two reigns that controls our mind and its subsequent actions. And one must not show insolent towards the turn of events; one must learn from it rather than get ruined. Mind and body must be nourished with positive elements so that they are stress free and in turn reduce the internecine nature of body and mind when combined during stress.

There is reward and punishment for every deed in this life itself, so you must be responsible for your actions. When great people die early, it is not injustice, it is just that, we don’t deserve them or they go away so that we can learn something from it. When a certain section of greats face adversity, it is a lesson to be learnt in the way they overcome it, rather than cursing it or feeling sorry about it. Things happening beyond your control are irreproachable and irreparable at times. Certain people’s deeds are irrepressible along with their curiosity, so we do encounter situations which are irreconcilable, but such things or course of events must be irrefutable rather than us reacting in an irate manner.

An iota of common sense and intellectual knowledge will take us no where near our destiny. We must be leaders of our destiny and leaders should never appear irresolute when decisions are made. And Remember …………………”

Its 11 am, Oh man, why did I sleep so much???

Took my bath and while driving, I just got reminded of the events that was very different. Very few times my heart and mind weren’t in a state of insurrection. They concurred to many things which were previously intangible. Maybe they did, I was surprised. In the interim let me finish my work today and think about interpreting my dream later in the day when I get back. At least, I am not impenitent for them to join hands; it will be for something better. It wouldn’t be improvident. Just when I was thinking more on this, I reached my customer’s place. Well, to be frank, I didn’t’ know as to why I am writing this, all I can say, there is a hidden purpose and eventually I did get to know. I could see the word-ly power of me in I.

The Departed Angel

2007-07-30T06:51:00.001+05:30

Well, I somehow got reminded of an instance that happened few years back. Well, I was artful with things I liked and this was a special feeling, the one which wasn’t Déjà vu.

I used to commute in public transport, distance and many friends were there, so journey was never short of an adventure each day that passed by during the 2 years of pre-university.

Since, there were many people who had to take the same bus at the 11^th hour; we had a line of people waiting to get in, so that there isn’t any stampede. I got fascinated by a girl, a fair one, and that’s it. It was her face, which expressed many moods of hers, while she continued talking to her fellow mates.

OMG, but, didn’t give much thought on that. Now, the situation made me to see her more often since I was few places behind and her face was quite visible while we were getting onto the bus. This happened for one week, and each day, she just made me go crazy with her looks. Two weeks, without notice, my heart was penchant towards the familiar face of the fortnight.

It wasn’t a situation wherein she appeared everywhere, but her actual presence on the bus stop and on the bus, triggered a bug inside me, known as “The Crush”. Previously, I would have liked a girl or a woman, but never before I thought so much about it.

Feelings did creep in, but it would cease as soon as she wasn’t visible. Well, talk about fantasy and an angel coming to your life, this was nothing short of it. The best thing about her was the face and the hair. Her smile and only once I did see her crying, or at least with moist eyes.

The spy inside me wanted to know more about her. And at the same time, I didn’t want to be a pedantic in terms of tricks or techniques of getting to know her. I am never comfortable with such things. Sometimes or rather, most of the times, I do let situation do the talking, if not my mouth.

I believe having good intentions about the other person, good will happen since I didn’t have any malicious intentions. It was pure appreciation of a beauty which ignited a soft affectionate corner in me which till date wasn’t discovered. In a way, she would be a reason as to what made me think about lot of things in me.

Previously, I would hate to have persistently thought about a girl. I was recalcitrant in this regard. Preferred, being a recluse in such issues. Rather being weltered by such recurring thoughts.

In a way, I wanted to get rid of the insularity with respect to such feelings.
Initially, my mind was intransigent with my heart. My heart wanted to have a very comfortable zone, and that was to think about her and feel good about it. My mind was focused more on other things like studies, playing cricket and just the normal routine I had at that time.

Ok, my heart won the battle, not like I would regret. But the feeling inside me at that time was good.

Each day, there were few people in between me and her in the bus queue. That’s ok; I didn’t feel like hurrying up things. I just loved the fact of seeing her face and that’s about it. Everything else about her didn’t matter. I didn’t force myself to look into her, but situations made me or rather she used to be visible from where I was.

On the day of my practical exams, I joined the queue. OMG, she is standing in front of me. Black sweat shirt that covered her and blue denims to the compliment the upper attire. Never before in weeks, had I seen her that close.

From the conversation she was having, got to know she was in final year of her bachelor’s degree at Jain College. (B.Com). “Elder to me, 3 years??” my mind thought.
“How does it matter, its not like you want to be friends with her, you like her face and that’s it, why you thinking so much, Just relish the moment that you are close to her and more importantly to her face”, my heart spoke.

We both got into the bus, and believe it or not, she was right in front of me. I had a pencil and I was marking few pages on my book. Out Came a sheet of paper and for the first time, I started scribbling something on the bus. I still have it with me.

This is what I wrote:

Slow and steady along the road,

A bus moved carrying some load.

There was an angel sitting in the front seat,

My heart woke up, to rejoice the visual treat.

As the bus moved from one place to another place;

My heart gathered to race with some pace,

Her lovely smile made me mad,

Seeing her cry, I was sad.

Her rosy lips and silky hair,

Better was the face, clear and fair.

Her hypno eyes and catchy dimple;

Made others girls around her look very simple.

She will be remembered by me time to time,

Thought my heart, she would be mine.

Her stop was about to come, she prepared to get down,

My mind told the heart not to bog down.

At last, the stop came finally,

Which my heart thought would never come initially,

All these days, couldn’t muster the courage to talk,

All I did was to see her walk.

Little, did I realize, I had just managed to write a poem which rhymed. I was fascinated by rhythmic poems and in a way, my heart managed to disabuse my mind, which had a different mindset altogether before seeing this Angel.

It’s good to always listening to one’s heart. It speaks the truth and all it does is; it pinches, whenever we want to get out of our comfort zone. Heart just cannot listen to any sort of dirge playing.

At the same time, one must not allow our minds to get into a torpor state by listening to our heart. One must concur, and nurture our heart in such a way that, in adversity, heart must help us remember the good things we did instead of making us feel bad and miserable about the situation. It must make us feel comfortable in the times of agony and pain.

Listen to the inner voice; it comes in handy while shaping our destiny.

And in a way, she did trigger me and now when I look back, those few weeks were very important and crucial in my life. Talking about one’s feelings, well, she did make me shout about it if not talk about it.

After that day, I saw her once more. An Angel came and departed.

ONE RUN AT HYDERABAD

2007-06-11T07:40:00.002+05:30

During sometime in October, last year, all my cousins decided we would start
running for the sake of fitness. Since, Mahesh, my elder cousin is interested in such things, he came up with the idea of running at Hyderabad Marathon.
With Nannu (another cousin) around, he can make things happen. He
convinced all the boys and there we are: Mission Hyderabad.

During the build up, I was told we all were running 21 km i.e. half marathon. I was telling them, "It's not an easy task, you guys must be joking."

But somehow all these guys seemed to be thinking, running a half marathon was easy. As usual, we did have our opinions pouring in and at last the decision was made. "We are running half- marathon".
Are we?

It was decided that we would have a sight seeing day prior to the marathon. Since, this was my first visit to Hyderabad; I was looking forward to the trip.

Along with the excitement, some butterflies also started creeping in when I thought about completing half marathon. To be honest, I have never run that long continuously and even the distance looked intimidating, but not impossible.

Since I used to run, I did have a measure of how long the distance would be.
Hence the mental passport was ready and all I needed was the visa of my body.
My physical condition weren't up to the standards which were required to run a marathon. Max, one month prior to the event, I would have run 10 to 15 km at one go.

The question was "maintaining the intensity." And also, during the period prior to the marathon, I was also surprised to see my cousins taking things lightly when it came to the running issue. I kept stressing the necessity of being in shape and more importantly mentally tough.

To be on the safer side, I wanted to test my fitness condition. I started focusing on cardios at gym. Just kept cycling for 10 km and thread mill for another 5 km. This routine I followed ruthlessly for 2 weeks. 3 days before the marathon, I decided to ease out and just did the usual routine. So I wasn't totally ready physically, also considering the effects of double ankle sprain on my right leg which happened in 2002, things weren't going to be easy. But it was a challenge, which I took it up, in order to see, whether I can or whether I will?

Our running T-shirts arrived, surprisingly, T-shirt clearly mentioned 10 km run. I asked Nannu and he told me the stock for half marathon was not available.

Ok, the day came finally. 24th of November, 2006. Myself, Ravi (Dali), Nannu, Mahesh, Sharath, Manju, Sandhya, Radhika (Trinca) and of course my cutie pie Namratha.

This was the gang of Bangalore, all set to conquer the blues of Hyderabad.

We had booked AC train to and fro. We reached on the morning of 25th and after some time, did find some place to rest. The plan was to have Biryani after the marathon since we would enjoy it much better and it was advisable to keep ourselves a low key when it came to eating that day.

We had booked Toyota Qualis for commuting. Entire day was spent in discussing the strategies for cracking the marathon. Manju, Sharath, Dali and Nannu had different ideas to give although it was little funny compared to my serious ideas.

First stop: Charminar. Even though it is not being maintained well, it is a beautiful piece of architecture.

And then to the Birla Mandir.

Later we went to Golconda fort. It was amazing, and evening was perfect time to be at that place. That day, I was wearing my Superman T-shirt and did feel though I had lots of energy. At the same time, I wanted this energy to last for the marathon which was in a few hours time.

The laser show with Amitabh being the Sutradhar was just the perfect way to know about the history of Golconda and other princely tit bits which have made this place a treat to visit.

By this time adrenaline was pumping and we were ready.

Dinner was more of fruits and salads although others did try their hand at Biryani and other heavy stuff, I was happy with my light meal, keeping the race in mind.

The interiors at the restaurant were simply breath taking, and for some time I wondered "whether it is a restaurant or some sort of temple?"

Off we went to bed. We were supposed to reach the venue at 7 in the morning for the half- marathon to start. I woke up at 5 am, got ready. So everyone was set for one titanic battle of our bodies and minds. Akshay Kumar and the oomph Sameera Reddy were the people who would be flagging the 10 km race.

We reached the venue. Within minutes, I saw people running past us. I was ready to go just when all my cousins pulled me back. They started laughing. I didn't understand and few seconds later, I got to know, we had come to participate the 10 km. Dali said "Now he is gonna say, I knew from start that this was a 10 km run". Even Manju said the same. Mahesh apologized saying, we are running 10 km not half- marathon. I was shell shocked, and all I did next moment, to run with those who were running the half-marathon.

I didn't carry my phone neither did I have any money. All I had at that moment was vengeance. I just wanted to show all my cousins that "I can run 21 km."

As I was alone on this mission, a lot of things were running inside me. After running for a km, I realized "Rajan, I have come here to run 21km and prove myself that I can run. I have nothing to prove others; it's a test of my will power and my stamina. I have come here to run 21 km and I am gonna do it for myself and for my special friend".

Indeed, a week before this event, my friend refused to pick up my call. A message appeared as a reply. "Nothing's wrong with my phone. I don't feel like talking to anyone. Please don't call or even reply to this message till I call you". Ok, this wasn't the first time, but I didn't get a chance to know as to why. Anyways, I had to accept the situation and move on with it. Sometimes, it hurts mentally, but one can't help it. Time is the only comforter and patience is the key till the other person recovers from this sudden disappearance.

I knew for the fact, my friend was going through a bad phase and sad part was; now I was forced to be unavailable for my friend. Whose fault is it anyway?

Hence this thing did occupy my mind while running and somewhere my triumph would help my friend, get enough confidence to deal with the problems.

Coming back, after a km, I said, "I am running this for myself, my mom and to my special friend". Suddenly, I was able to see a different picture all around me. There was clarity in whatever I was thinking and the focus was entirely on the roads of Hyderabad.

Charminar was 5 km away from the starting line, and it looked different from last afternoon when the streets were busy and it didn't look like the place where I and Trinca bought bangles for other cousins.(Females of course)

Next to Charminar was the mosque which we couldn't visit the day before due to time constraints. Recently, this mosque was in the news for wrong reasons. It was the victim of a bomb, which blasted while people were offering prayers.

Coming back, Physically, I was still in good shape and it was good to see people cheering and encouraging the running. Glucose, mosambi, water, they were plenty of them taking care and making sure we didn't get dehydrated.

Hospitality was great and the organizers made sure we didn't have to bother except for running. Half- marathon was also a good choice especially when one has to introspect himself with rest of the world. I did get to think over a lot of things and especially where I was heading in my life.

I like analogies and to me it makes sense. My running was a bit similar like the way I was living. It is a big challenge to keep pushing all the time. People are there and nature is there to help us, but the common trait is the attitude. If one has to run the marathon of life, short term and long term goals must be thought of and taken care of. For me, satisfaction of finishing the 21 km run was very important. At the same time, I didn't put extra strain on my ankles and all I did was to enjoy each km.

After 14 km, I did join the rest of the gang who were participating in the 10 km run. It was crowded and in a way, I started to lose my momentum. Again, I thought, "When things are fine, everything seems to be fine, when there is too much noise and confusion around, one must fight to retain composure and this fight is solely internal".

I was losing momentum very quickly because there were thousand's of them, some people were just playing around, some were walking, some were making fun, it just reached a point, I thought I shall give up, because the race was physically too demanding considering many people around me and also, I started to tire down because of less food intake. "It reached a stage, last 6 km, legs totally exhausted and momentum is not the same which I had for previous 15 km. Even Sun started blazing around."

Biryani was tempting, and I wanted to enjoy my meal after the run.

I didn't want to stop at that moment and be a loser. I knew I was trying my best, but I was not going to settle anything less than 21 km. That was it. I spoke to my stomach "Look, there's a good chance that you are going to get brilliant Hyderabadi Biryani( Veg), don't mess it up, just co-operate with me and I promise I am gonna fill you up big time". Trust me, these were the exact words I thought and deal was struck.

Then it was mind over matter. No amount of physical strength could have carried me further. Not that I was fainting, its just that I had lost my physical momentum but I didn't feel any sort of uneasiness of higher amplitude.

"No pain, No gain" is something, which I always recite and it did come to good use. Last few km was a test of my character, commitment and will power. I did meet Nannu and Manju in that marathon rush and they were quite relieved to see me and also in a good condition.

We parted ways, since I had to take a different route to complete. Trust me, last 3 km; I started regaining my lost physical strength. My will power out powered the unwillingness of my body to finish.

At last, I did finish. The relief and more importantly the satisfaction was something I can't quite describe in words. It's a feeling. I don't know how Hillary and Norgay felt when they reached the top of Mt. Everest. All I can say is, my feelings were similar to theirs and it's just that it was in much bigger scale for them than for what I achieved.

I would rate myself a winner because, I set myself to achieve something when I left Bangalore and I did it. After crossing the line, my pulse was measured and they noted my name. They gave me a certificate for completing the 21 km run.

I know I didn't win the race, but I won the support of my mind and body and this event also made my mind and body to understand each other in a better way and appreciate each other's contribution.

I met my cousins. All were really happy for me. Mahesh told me "It's good that you did what you wanted". Manju and Dali told "It inspired them". Nannu was really proud that I didn't get stuck with them and crib instead I went and finished 21 km.

I like running because it's a challenge. If you run hard, there's the pain - and you've got to work your way through the pain. You know, lately it seems all you hear is? Don't overdo it' and? Don't push yourself.' Well, I think that's a lot of bull. If you push the human body, it will respond."

And by the little experience of running, I can relate a lot of similar things with respect to life. This is something I would like to share.

A quote below by- George S. Patton, U.S. Army General

"Now if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do. The body will always give up. It is always tired morning, noon, and night. But the body is never tired if the mind is not tired. When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired...You've always got to make the mind take over and keep going."

That day, I did feel I had come out of the boyhood and in a way ready to take up the challenges in life. At least I could sense, I can take it up when given any situation.

One of my favorite athletes, Emile Zapotek once quoted –
"It's at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys."

After the event, I did feed my stomach with loads of Biryani as promised.

I didn't feel tired. My feet were aching a bit while walking but it was manageable. The person to meet - Chiropodist would have been the ideal person at that moment.

We visited Secundrabad, Sandhya was born here. She wanted to see her old house, she did manage to find and did take a snap.

Later to Snow world, and then to Karachi Bakery (famous cashew biscuits are exported from this place).

Overall the trip was rejuvenating with cousins around. To top it, finishing the half marathon would be the highlight of my trip.

As far as my special friend was concerned- I did get a good luck call two days prior to the event. Trust me, that call did help somewhere during half-marathon.

And I did it for myself, my mom and to my special friend.

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends". This surely dedicated to the silence of my Special Friend.

Life is all about Timing- 'Waugh kya baat hai'

2007-05-29T21:57:00.001+05:30

People realize pretty early, some don’t. That’s the beauty, its all timing.
I heard somewhere “Well arranged time is the surest mark of a well arranged mind”.

When we say, “I don’t have time for this, that etc”, what does it imply?
Are we not arranging things properly, or, we know the right things to be done.
By the time we figure out what we really want, it’s too late.

They say “If youth only knows and age only could”.

This is just an aspect of our life. important one.

As a kid, I did things which used to cause harm to my friends. Very temperamental, just did what I wanted without even thinking the consequences of my actions. Dennis the Menace was appropriately my other name with respect to pranks I used to play on others.

I had broken spectacles of a guy called Shivkumar, 6 times within two months till his mother came and begged me. This was sometime in 1993.

I couldn’t control my temper while I was playing because I always played to win and it reached a stage wherein I started believing; only I could make my team win. I did play brilliantly and I guess my mind went crazy seeing the way I used to play.

This was how I, till the age of 14.

In the past, I always felt I was bigger than the team and to my credit; I used to play pretty well. One day I did see my friends feeling the heat when I yelled at a guy who got me run out. I was furious and I thought the match would be lost because of me getting out.

We did lose and I couldn’t accept defeat that easy on that day. I did play with a lot of new guys (younger than me), gave them chance (in the sense to bat first and bowling especially) but I never liked them getting better than me. I mostly competed with guys elder to me and I always wanted to be better than them. Never felt intimidated in presence of many people who were elder to me.

If indeed a player was better than me, I never used to like that guy be in the same team as mine. I used to work on my bowling so that I could get him out or field like Jonty Rhodes to take a catch or create run out opportunities. I made sure; he didn’t get better than me.

I did all this sportingly never used unfair means of getting them out.

This was how I improved my game, but the attitude of me having to carry the entire burden didn’t go. Partly this was also the result of my friends putting my name in a big way whenever I used to play. The thrill they used to get when they got my wicket, all this made me feel self-centered.

I always wanted to be known as the best player among all the guys who played and I did make a special effort to raise the benchmark every time in which ever way possible.

Sometime in late 99, early 2000, I didn’t enjoy this tag and I was not playing that well. I mean I had very high standards. Even though I did score more than anyone, I wasn’t doing the way I did all six years previously.

My bowling was getting better and my fielding was never a problem. Batting wise, I stopped being ruthless (still used to score fast, but less compared to previous years).

I felt, there were no challenges left. I didn’t have to prove anyone as to how well I batted. People knew. Still, there were discordant feelings inside me. I was15 and it was too early to stop playing cricket.

But I had to get over it fast. Some new guys were coming and they were good. Soon we had a bunch of guys who were pretty talented. Maybe I didn’t like this fact and trying to prove them, I was losing my touch.

When I saw others, I felt, “How I can fit in the team now? Clearly no one is gonna drop me. But I didn’t like the present role, I need a change”.

Well, people whom I thought are average cricketers and the ones who played under the shadows of me and other guys needed a boost somewhere. Timing is the key for every cricketer.

In a way, my attitude of yesteryears would have ruined their self-confidence, if I would have continued playing in the same way.

I decided and threw a challenge on myself. To start with, I opted to bat second last instead of my favorite and usual opening spot. I wanted to see, how good others are and my sole purpose was to make sure we won in the end. Clearly, now I started enjoying the victories even though I didn’t bat.

I was enjoying my bowling and I was dying to bowl every time we played. This didn’t affect my batting, but it took responsibility of my shoulders in terms of hitting the winning runs all the time.
Slowly I could see youngsters enjoying the game since they were getting involved lots.

Later, I stopped bowling and gave youngsters a chance to bowl. I didn’t bowl but used to bat. Even if they conceded runs, I wanted to make sure we won and made sure they faced the challenge from the opposition.
Slowly, I batted down the order and bowled whenever I felt it was necessary to bowl. I was enjoying my fielding and the fun I used to get taking catches and stopping the boundaries were just exciting. Clearly I was thriving on the factor of me being the leader.
In a span of one year, The ‘I’ factor was slowly getting replaced by ‘We’ and I started enjoying this role of a senior player. My temper level in terms of yelling and giving back to bowlers abated, however the passion and aggression to win every match was very much there. Clearly I was more a patient man and more importantly understood the word ‘contentment’. I also understood the fact, “We win as a team, lose as a team”. It is wrong to blame individuals for one’s failure.

My last three years i.e. till 2003, were great in terms of personal growth, the way I was growing intellectually with cricket as the back drop.

It didn’t matter or affect me when we lost a game or two as long as we gave our best, I made sure I gave my best and could see everyone do their best.

In 2003, I felt, it was high time, I quit playing serious cricket. Somehow I didn’t want to involve playing regularly. It was a tough decision but a good one considering the trend and the changes that occurred.

Sadly, cricket was never the same, and I wouldn’t say because of me it stopped, but I am just proud of the fact that, I pushed myself to greater heights and along my way I saw others pushing hard as well. This was the sheer fun of galli cricket, intersecting roads, huge plain lands, it was just fun.

Whenever I walk past these roads which are next to my place, I get reminded of all those moments which shaped my life to become a better human being than a cricketer I could have been at the highest level.

I never played serious cricket in terms of school or anything, I did play some serious atrocious games with guys who gave everything, so that it was at times more than just fun.

It was a mission. All I can say, in retrospect, it was Mission Well Accomplished.
I want to thank all my friends who played a role in developing me into a good individual. Because of the challenges provided by them, I could raise myself every time and 90% I did succeed.

The change in attitude was mainly inspired by Steve Waugh. He became the Captain of the Australian Team in 1998, which inspired me to become a leader and make others push hard and personally set challenges.
Like him, I was there only when situations demanded me to be there; otherwise I was pretty happy seeing my other friends finishing the job.
It was also this time, we started playing some ruthless cricket and at the end of it, we had a great laugh at each other. It was a journey which I enjoyed without bothering about the destination.

My cricket life started trying to be a Sachin, which I did brilliantly by being the one man army and to end it like a leader of the caliber of Steve Waugh.
In the end, more than cricket, I enjoyed the other aspects of seeing others happy, involving others and more importantly compete as a team. Incidentally, Steve is my mom’s favourite crickter and she also used to accompany me to various cricket skill camps early in my life.

For me, 6^th of January, 2004 at 1.15pm local Indian time, it was a moment, which will remain with me forever.

Steve Waugh: caught Sachin Tendulkar bowled Kumble - 80
He got out off his trademark slog sweep and fittingly Sachin took the catch. It was at his home ground SCG, Sydney. It was an emotional moment for me as well, since I had stopped playing few months back.

Last year, I did enjoy reading his Book: “Out of my Comfort Zone”, which is what I always went through and which is also the inspiration for my Blog’s title.

To end I get reminded of the following line I thought once as a kid.

“Many People think life is a game; I thought cricket was a game”

Some more things later, because there are still many facets left.

Special Mention:

Sridhar (first guy with whom I played on those roads in 1991), Anirudh (Bunty), Anupam (Dumpy), Praveen, Bharath, Ravi, Ajay, Vijay, Pavan, Anjeneya, Abhishek, Jaggu, Umapathy, Thejaswi Udupa, Abhilash, Monty, Niku, Basava ( the best I ever played with), Mallesh, Mote, Govinda (Kambli), Jagan, Raaghu, Pradeep, Sudhindra, Bipin( 4 years younger to me, highly talented), Kiran Sr, Kiran Jr, Nandu, Venugopal, Praveen, Renuka, Pavan, Santosh, Ramnath, Chetan, Nahush, Chaitanya, Kumaraswamy, Nikhil, Goutham, Preetham, Truthik, Anoop, Rakhshit, Rajat, Saravanan, Sharath, Allen, Elvin, Manjunath, Manu, Sanjay, Arun, Mayur and others.

But most important is Anianna, who played a lot of cricket and as a kid I watched every game he and his friends played.

This is also to mention a man by name Mr. JayaPrakash. The most complete cricketer I ever saw. He gave me the first break into serious cricket as a substitute in a tournament. I still remember the way he used to hit sixes one handed. Sadly he passed away in 1994, October.

P.S: Serious cricket: Any game played with seriousness involving people comparable to an international match. It was un-official nevertheless.